I counsel and divorce coach many men and women going through divorce in a year’s time. One thing I hear repeatedly from many of the women I counsel is that they got talked into a divorce by well-meaning friends. I have found that some women live vicariously through a friend going through a divorce. They have a tendency to encourage others to seek legal counsel and if the truth were to be known, they themselves most likely are in a fragile marriage! Friends may not give sound advice and may secretly want to make sure that others suffer as much if not worse than they do. I see this all the time in my counseling and divorce coaching practice.

I recall a female client whose friend lied to her about her husband being gay. This so-called friend lied when she said she saw her husband and his best friend holding hands at a restaurant. My client believed this woman and found out too late that her friend hated her husband with a passion and lied. When her friend was confronted by a pastor she insisted her stories were true. When pressured for specific information she could not answer and the truth was finally exposed. Unfortunately, the damage had been done. Meanwhile my client told her friends she believed her husband was gay without checking out the facts. Her friends urged her to file for divorce, which she did.

What saddens me the most about this story is that the husband loved his wife very much. She broke this man’s heart, divorced him and destroyed any chance of reconciliation. She remarried soon after her divorce and later found out that the man she divorced was telling the truth all along.

When someone tries to convince you to divorce your spouse, ask yourself these questions:

Are they in a bad marriage themselves?
Are they recently divorced?
Are they separated?
Are they cheating on their partner?
Are they newlyweds?
Are they at odds with your partner?
Are they trying to set you up with one of their friends?

If the answer is yes to any of these situations, then run as fast as you can from these people. They do not, I repeat, do not have your best interest at heart. They are living through you and will possibly destroy your marriage. Find people who are neutral and will not take sides. Do lots of fact finding. Ask questions of your spouse. Many marriages have been destroyed and torn apart by gossip and lies. Many marriages can be saved if you take the time to do the research yourself. Why not give your marriage every chance it deserves to survive? Yes, every marriage has its problems but most marriages can be saved if you’re willing to do the work and make it happen.

If you’re contemplating divorce and need guidance I can help you by walking along side you. I’ll make sure you understand the end results of the decisions you’re making and why you need to make them. It’s a tough road to travel alone. Call me and I can help you decide if divorce is in your best interest!

Following are some questions you should ask yourself:

1)    Are you willing to try one last time to save your marriage with proper coaching and counseling?
2)    Do you need guidance to learn how to save a dying marriage or end one?
3)    Does your marriage need someone who can help you discover how to communicate better?
4)    Are you having a difficult time forgiving your partner?
5)    Do you want a divorce and need help with the next step?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, call Dr. Mike and schedule a free consultation. He has helped many couples save their marriages, and walked couples through the divorce process. He can help you too!

You can go to Mike’s blog and comment on today’s article at: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/

Dr. Mike also has a new website devoted to those who are considering divorce or are going through a divorce. You can find it at: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/

Dr. Michael Brooks is founder of Master Life Coaching and divorce counseling services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (we can help you set up Skype if needed, or request Dr. Mike’s Skype contact number). The convenience of this type of coaching and counseling is the most effective means for those who live out of Colorado and the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

“Don’t you remember I told you that I would be running errands after work today? I told you last week while you were in the shower. You never listen to me”, as she scolded her husband!

It’s amazing how at times we think someone is listening to us when in reality they are not! Who would want a message delivered to them while taking a shower and how many of us would remember what was said? Think about this: when was the last time you had a heart-to-heart talk with someone that truly communicated back with you? How many of us assume that the one we’re talking to really understands what we’re thinking or what our next move will be? Many people make those assumptions and I see them in my office everyday!

Today we are going to look at ways to communicate better. How can we get our message across with total understanding? Let’s face it; one of the primary reasons for divorce is that couples do not know how to communicate with each other. Lack of effective communication is also a big reason why companies have problems in the work place. As parents we all struggle at times with communicating with our children. It can even happen on the football field and basketball courts at the professional, collegiate, and high school levels.

A few years ago I encountered a married couple that argued with each other throughout the counseling session. Each claimed that the other was not listening as they went back and forth. I watched and listened to this for a few moments then interrupted them by saying, “Whoa, whoa, listen to yourself! You’re both talking at the same time and cannot hear what the other is saying.” They stopped and looked at each other and laughed. They ‘got it’ after it was pointed out to them. How can we know what’s on our mate’s mind and heart if we don’t take the time to listen to each other? Lack of communication happens on the football field when one defensive back, gives up a touchdown because of his lack of communication with the other defensive backs on his team!

What are some of the skills we need to learn so we can communicate better? First of all, we need to take time to listen! Next, we need to learn how to verbalize our wants, needs and desires. Fully explain what those are and don’t assume the other person understands and knows what you want. Go point-by-point and cover the important issues that will help the other person understand where you are coming from. It’s really that simple! Unlike the woman who told her husband she was running errands while he was taking a shower, we need to learn how to communicate at the right time and the right place to avoid a misunderstandings, confusion and arguments.

Do you have a difficult time communicating with others? Do you lack the skills you need to get your point across? Do people misunderstand what you tell them? Has your lack of communication hurt you in your past and current relationships with friends and family?

Many of you have expressed an interest in talking with me about how to save your marriage, or how to end it. Having gone through the pain myself, I’d be glad to help. Click here to receive a free 30-minute appointment, I’m making my calendar available for you to schedule a free no obligation 30 minute appointment to see if divorce coaching or divorce counseling can help you. so I can help walk you through the process, step-by-step, whatever option you choose.

It won’t just go away by itself. Let me help you resolve one of the most painful times in your life, so you can start moving forward again. Make that your first step right now.

If you answered yes to any of these questions, call Dr. Mike and schedule a free consultation. He has taught many people how to communicate effectively and he can help you too!

You can go to Mike’s blog and comment on today’s article at: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/ Dr. Mike also has a new website devoted to those who are considering divorce or are going through a divorce. You can find it at: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/

Dr. Michael Brooks is founder of Master Life Coaching. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike divorce coach and counselor over the phone or via Skype in the comfort of their home. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

If you’re going through a divorce and are alone for Christmas and News Years, here are some words of encouragement for you: Go do something! Don’t sit around and say “Woe is me!” Get off the couch and get out of the house! Go help someone – call someone – encourage someone! If you’re sitting in a chair and watching old reruns of “It’s a Wonderful life” or “Miracle On 34th Street” and you expect your life to change, forget it – it won’t! It’s time to change that kind of behavior.

It’s a fact that helping others will do you a world of good. You can’t focus on your own worries and troubles when you’re helping others. I can personally testify to this! When my world was caving in on me a few years ago I didn’t have the energy to get out of bed much less off the couch! I was hurting so bad I didn’t eat a solid meal for several weeks. Everything changed the Christmas of 2005 when I met a young family near my home that was experiencing a world of hurt. They had little food and no presents under the tree for their children. That’s when, in my own personal misery, I decided to buy them some groceries and a few, small presents. Most of the fun was planning how I would deliver the goodies to this hurting family. I decided to place everything on the doorstep with a card wishing them a wonderful Christmas. I rang the door bell and ran like a track star to a hedgerow not too far from the house so they wouldn’t see who had delivered Christmas that cold December night!

The porch light came on and the front door slowly opened. I watched one of the young children and his father come out and stare in disbelief at the bags of groceries and gifts. They looked down the street and then in my direction; fortunately they didn’t see me and continued to stand in wonderment at the sight of Christmas on their front porch. A few minutes later the rest of the family came out to see what the excitement was all about! They were thrilled as they picked everything up and went back into the house. I had a warm feeling of accomplishment and knew I had made a difference in the lives of this family and new memories that would last a lifetime. I went home thrilled that a needy family would have food and presents on Christmas Day. My own pain and loneliness was a faded memory as I fell asleep with a heart filled with joy! That night I slept soundly and with a smile on my face.

Helping others will help ease the pain of divorce, separation or loss of a loved one especially around the holidays. Are you willing to go out on a limb and help someone in need? I promise you it will change your life as others lives are changed by your random acts of kindness.

If you’re one of those who just can’t motivate yourself to get off the couch and need someone to talk to then call me! That’s what I am here for. The Christmas and New Year’s holidays may be a difficult time of the year for you. From time to time we all need someone to talk to who will listen and help us navigate through the pain. Call Dr. Mike and set up an appointment for a free consultation. Let’s make this Christmas and New Year a better one for you!

As a child I remember the Christmas holiday meant no school, no homework, sleeping in late, watching TV and playing with my friends. As a child I really enjoyed the Christmas and New Year celebrations as I’m sure most children did. As an adult I have many fond memories of how simple life was back then. Not so much now!

As an adult I see the holidays so differently. Over the years I have experienced the reality that often times the holidays remind me of the pain associated with divorce, separation, loved ones who have moved away, and the passing of friends and family. There are many reasons why Christmas and the New Year holiday haunt so many of us. We cherish wonderful thoughts of family gatherings around the dinner table or opening our gifts from others. The seasonal music, the colorful lights on the Christmas tree, the decorations in a neighbor’s front yard and Christmas dinner with all the trimmings can bring back sweet memories of yesteryear. Then there are the memories of those we have loved – grandparents; an aunt or an uncle; a beloved mother and father; a brother or sister and maybe even a dear friend. The smiles, joy, laughter and the hugs given and received remain in our hearts forever. They never fade away.

When special people come into our lives we try to keep those memories alive and want to savor them forever! Unfortunately for some this is where the problems begin. There are those who cannot let go of the memories of days gone by. Their memories are all they have and they hang on to them for dear life. We all do, but yet when life becomes dark and dreary where do the memories take you especially during the holidays? Just like you, I have many fond memories with my family, but also have many sad ones as well.

I’ll never forget the Christmas when my now ex-wife returned the one and only Christmas gift she had given me back to the store! Those memories still haunt me! Over the years I have had people share with me all kinds of stories about the heartache they experienced and the unpleasant memories they still have around the Christmas season. I’ve known people have been served divorce papers during what should be the happiest time of the year. Other families I know have experienced permanently damaged relationships, the passing of a loved one and in some cases, no resources to buy Christmas gifts for their children.

The question many ask is “How do I deal with the past and focus on the future?” One of the best things to do is start creating new memories. Look forward to what is new rather than looking back at the way it “used to be”. It’s ok to keep the fond memories of those whom you have loved and have departed close to your heart. Now think about how to start a new tradition that will keep those memories alive. My suggestion is to start by helping others in need. Find a family who doesn’t have the resources to provide gifts for their children and take them shopping with you or surprise them with a gift card! Another suggestion is to make dinner for an elderly shut-in and dine with them on Christmas Day. These two suggestions are really simple and will make a difference in your life as well as the lives of others! Staying busy during the holidays and bringing joy to others will ultimately bring joy to you! These acts of kindness will heal the hurt and loss from your past and will help you move on as you help others. Think about the wonderful memories you are creating for them – and for you! They will have something to look back on and will remember you for your kindness and generosity.

The holidays are almost here. Do you fear being alone during the holidays? Do you miss your family and cannot be with them this season? Do you need someone to help you through these tough times? Do you need support to make it through the holidays?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, call Dr. Mike and schedule a free consultation. He has helped many individuals with holiday loneliness and can help you too!

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

OK, the holidays are a bad time to talk about getting a divorce. Why is that divorces seem to happen more around the holidays? I have been asked that question several times. Let’s face it with both spouses working, there is little time to see each other. You both are busy working Monday through Friday, Saturday is used for running errands that you can’t do during the week, and Sunday is used for resting in front of the television all day.

Here is where the problem begins, you get two people who don’t connect during the week, way to busy! Then on Saturday, these individuals do their own thing, not talking or planning anything. Sunday comes along, and they sleep late. maybe sit across from each other at the kitchen table. He goes and watches some football game, she goes and reads a book. When does this couple have time to sit down and talk? They don’t make time for each other.

When the holidays are here, they are forced to spend time with each other, no work to go to, and the TV and book reading gets boring. They sit and the couch and try small talk, and they realize they don’t really know each other and certainly don’t like being around together. A fights happens and the rest is history.

During the holidays, take time to get to know your spouse, have a date night, do some fun things together. Have a planned talk time with out the TV, or radio on. Don’t talk to your spouse while trying to read a newspaper, or read a book. Focus on them, pay attention to what they are saying, ask questions, get involved with their lives. For many couples this year and around these holidays, will be divorce. Think twice before talking ever speaking about getting a divorce. If you have questions about holiday divorce, call me.

Death of a Marriage

As I listened to my friend, Jim, share his broken-heart experience I couldn’t help but think how much of his pain was self-inflicted. I asked him how long his heart had been broken. He replied, “Several years”. His is wife of 14 years could no longer take the misery they were living in.

I looked at him and asked a very serious question, “Let’s just say your cell phone rang right now and on the other end was a police officer informing you that your wife had just been killed in a car accident. How would you feel?” He stared at me, taking in the moment, and stammered, “I would feel awful and would feel like my heart might break in two! The pain that that news would cause would be unbearable. My children would be hurt and confused by such news”. Then he asked me, “Dr. Mike, why would you ask such a question?”

“Well Jim, the heartache of a tragic loss is what you are going through right now. You are experiencing the beginning stages of the death of a marriage, but this death is a living death. You will be haunted by memories of past and future events with your ex-wife and children. You will have to see your ex at graduations, at the marriages of your children, and special events like birthdays and baby dedications. If your ex remarries, it will drive you crazy seeing her with her new husband. Listen, I have been there!” I told him.

For some reason, many people think they can skip through seeing their ex-spouse and not be bothered by it. Whoever thinks that way is in for a big surprise. When my daughter got married a few years back my ex-wife planned the wedding. I had no say in it whatsoever. When I went to the wedding I felt so out of place. My ex managed to invite her entire family to the wedding and none of mine! I sat at her table with her husband and her best friends. The slide show of my daughter growing up featured only 3 out of 40 pictures of my daughter and me. I knew my ex’s husband had put the slide show together and as I sat and watched I was completely embarrassed but realized it was his shameful attempt to humiliate me. As I was leaving the reception my ex-wife’s new husband walked up to me and shook my hand. I was shocked at the unkind words he muttered to me! Even though it was his intent to hurt me I found the courage to smile and simply walk away. This is the type of uncomfortable situations you will encounter, and believe me, it will not be easy to face your ex and their new spouse.

The death of a marriage can be like the death of a friend. It’s a slow process as you watch and hear things that alarm you. There are attitude changes, mood swings, and spiteful words that will break your heart. You may be hoping the problems in your marriage will eventually work themselves out but many times they don’t! You’ll be amazed at how easy it is to avoid talking about the problems in your marriage and may even snap at each other and ultimately feel relieved when you walk away from confrontation. Some find reasons to stay away from home and run unnecessary errands, volunteer to work longer hours, and hang out with friends just to avoid confrontation. It becomes a pattern and once conflict is avoided many will see nothing wrong with that. These are the beginning stages of the death of your marriage.

The next mistake many people make is confiding with their close friends and co-workers about their marital problems. This is a big mistake! Even though those with whom you confide in are well-meaning, many become a self-proclaimed “Dr. Phil” of marriage counseling. They are not! More often than not, they give very bad advice. Many will use their past heartaches to get even with the opposite sex. Your marriage is even more exposed to the deadly Failed Marriage Virus (FMV). You have 2 options at this point: either give up and get a divorce or start working to save your marriage.

Following are some questions you should ask yourself.
1)    Are you willing to try one more time to save your marriage with proper coaching and counseling?
2)    Do you need guidance to learn how to save a dying marriage?
3)    Does your marriage need someone who can help you discover how to communicate better?
4)    Are you having a difficult time in forgiving your partner?
5)    Do you know your partner’s “love language”?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, call Dr. Mike and schedule a free consultation. He has helped many couples save their marriage and he can help you too!

You can go to Mike’s blog and comment on today’s article at: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/

Dr. Mike also has a new website devoted to those who are considering divorce or are going through a divorce. You can find it at:  http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/

Dr. Michael Brooks is founder of Master Life Coaching. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Bang! Bang! I was sitting in my living room working on my laptop when suddenly I heard shots ring out that cold November night. I immediately took cover and heard someone yelling outside, then a car screeched away as more shots were fired. That’s when the picture window in my second-story apartment cracked after being hit by a stray bullet. After a few moments, I cautiously got up and peaked outside. I could see a man standing under the street light smoking a cigarette and holding a shotgun. He was looking down the street in the direction of the speeding car.

I called 911 and reported what I had heard. The dispatcher told me to stay on the line while I waited for the police to arrive. I didn’t have to wait long as several squad cars came screaming down the street and parked in front of my apartment. Soon after their arrival I heard a knock at my door. A police officer asked to come in and advised me that two men had been fighting over a woman and the man with the shotgun had been taken into custody. I was relieved to know he was no longer a threat. I began to wonder why people try to settle their differences with violence. These days we hear about how guns, knives, and bats are used to settle differences. How sad it is that as a society we have lost the art of talking things out.

When the police officer left I walked over to the window and peered outside. I saw several officers still searching for more evidence on the street. I had a difficult time sleeping that night as my mind raced. I wondered how it would have changed my life if someone had gotten killed that night outside my window. We all face the unknown each an everyday. We can control some of our circumstances and some of them we can’t. Accidents, health crisis, and unexpected reactions by others are totally out of our control. That’s just a fact of life!

How do you handle your anger? Do you walk away or do you let your anger fester and throw thoughts of revenge into the mix? Most people don’t realize that their words are just as deadly as a two-edged sword. We all know we can’t take back what is said in the heat of anger and the wounded person can do one of two things: 1) they can forgive and move on or 2) they can decide to resent you and look for an opportunity for a fight down the road. Which one will you choose?

Have you ever listened to kids when they get into verbal fights on the play ground? You might hear things like “My dad can beat up your dad” or “My dad is a weight-lifter and is stronger than your dad.” Kids can throw out all kinds of verbal insults and we wonder where they learned how to do it! Our kids watch and listen to how we deal with day-to-day stresses and pay close attention to how we feel about certain people who cause us grief. They soak up our attitudes towards others and watch how we face personal struggles. Kids are like video cameras; they record what we say and how we react to difficult situations in our lives then replay those reactions on the playground and with their siblings. It’s important to keep in mind that what we say in anger could be overheard by our impressionable children. I challenge you to consider your words and actions carefully and you’ll find that doing so will bring you peace.

Are you experiencing a difficult time in your personal relationships because of anger and communication issues and need help? Are you or your spouse avoiding meaningful conversations out of fear of ending up in arguments? Would you like to learn new communication tools that will help you when talking with your friends and family? If you answered yes to any of these questions, I can help! Give me a call today! We’ll schedule your free, initial consultation.

If you’d like you can go to Mike’s blog and comment on today’s article at: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/

Master Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many local and out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado. Your privacy is guaranteed.

For more information or to schedule a free consultation, call or email me at 303.456.0555 or mike@applicablecoaching.com.