“Hey dad”, my daughter asked, “Can I borrow a dollar? I need it for a soda at school.” I asked her why she couldn’t take one from the refrigerator. “It will not stay cold and I usually have a soda at lunch”, she responded. So I dug a dollar out of my pocket and handed it to her.

Later that day while I was at lunch at a local diner, a client of mine approached me and asked, “Say, Dr. Mike can I borrow a few bucks? I left my wallet at home and I don’t have time to run home and get it”. So once again I got my billfold, dug out a five spot and handed it to him.

Over the years, I have been “the bank” to many people including family, friends, homeless people and friends of friends. I really don’t mind helping people if I have extra cash on hand and I enjoy helping out when I can. There are, however, some people who I will not help. Certain people I just don’t trust and friends who continually ask and although they promise to pay me back, never do.

Several years ago a friend and I helped a mutual friend move from the city to the western slope of Colorado. He was a hunting guide in the national forest and agreed to help us score on some elk later that fall in exchange for our help. We spent the day moving boxes, big furniture and other odds and ends out of his home. A few months later my friend and I were ready to take him up on his offer to guide us to an area to hunt. When he finally agreed to meet with us he immediately asked if we could spare a few bucks for hunting supplies. I dug into my pocket and pulled out a few bills and handed him $10. When he saw I had more cash in my hand, he pressed me for even more! As we walked toward the truck he also informed us that any information he shared with us would “cost us”. He confirmed what I had suspected all along – he just simply could not be trusted!

What is the best way to handle family members or friends who continually ask you for money? What is the best way to deal with them? At times there are legitimate needs you don’t need to question, however, for those who think you are the “National Family Bank” and keep coming back to you because of your generosity, I suggest you close the doors to the bank and with love and understanding let them know you cannot enable their irresponsible behavior any longer. You could also suggest they get a second job until their financial situation is resolved. I would counsel them to start a savings account and live within their means. Most of us grow out of trying to keep up with the Jones’ at some time in our lives. I was 20 years old the last time I asked my father for money. He told me “Son, you need to get a second job or you need to do without’. Pretty simple advice but it has served me well over the years!

Where Did Whitney Houston Go Wrong?

I was sitting at my computer when the phone rang. It was my friend, George, telling me that Whitney Houston had died. “What?” I said. “Where did you hear that?” I asked.He said it was just reported on the radio. “Wow, what a talented super star”, I said to myself and thought “what a waste of talent to be lost so early in life”. I have listened to many pundits over the last few days report stories about Whitney Houston’s troubled life. They have stated that when she married Bobby Brown her life and personality took a turn for the worse. During her marriage to him she began smoking, using drugs, and drinking excessively.

Bad apples (bad people) can and do corrupt the good people we know and admire. I have seen it happen numerous times with people I personally know and love. My sister, for one, had slipped into the party lifestyle of taking drugs, drinking and heavy smoking. She lost her life due to lung cancer two years ago.Smoking two packs of cigarettes a day eventually caught up with her and took her life. She told me many times that she knew what she was doing would kill her someday, but the overwhelming desire to smoke won out!

I also recall a high school classmate, Scott, who was an excellent athlete and played on varsity the baseball team. He was so talented, he was scouted by several pro baseball clubs. In fact, Scott was one of the best high school catching prospects available in the country that year. He was a great hitter, smart on the bases and could throw runners out in record numbers. I knew him as a shy freshman who was always was fun to be around and very likable. He was fairly innocent and naive throughout high school until he started to hang out with the wrong crowd his senior year. His whole demeanor changed once he started drinking and smoking pot. He went from being someone you would like to talk to, to someone to avoid. He began skipping classes, getting into fights and getting drunk on the weekends. The crowd he hung out with were the big-time drug users and drinkers and were always in trouble with the law. They saw an easy mark in this young man and helped destroy his potential career in professional baseball.

Whitney had been living a similar, innocent life.As a child she started signing gospel songs in her local church and then began a modeling career in her early teens. She experienced success early in her career and managed to reach the next level.She was going places and she knew it, her mother knew it, in fact, anyone that heard her sing knew it. She was beautiful and talented and was destined for stardom.

In 1992 all of that changed when she married Bobby Brown. That is when her life began to unravel. Brown had been in trouble with drugs, the law, and served time in jail. Although she and Brown eventually divorced, she continued to live the self-destructive life she had learned while married to him.In the late 1990’s and early 2000’s, she admitted to using cocaine and smoking pot with her ex-husband. Even with all of her talent, awards and high-society lifestyle, her life was spiraling out of control.

Her reputation as a professional was called into question when she would show up late for her own concerts or would cancel a show shortly before it started. On several occasions she simply did not show up for radio or television interviews. She told Oprah Winfrey, “Doing drugs was an everyday thing. I wasn’t happy at that point in time. I was losing myself.” That’s when she knew she was in trouble; however, she did nothing to get control of her life. She had rejected the people who loved her and wanted to help her, including her family, her church and close friends. Instead, she allowed her’ handlers’ to help her.They simply told her what she wanted to hear and sadly, today she is dead.

We can’t lay all the blame on Bobby Brown for Whitney Houston’s lifestyle.Whitney made bad choices in her adult life. The lifestyle of the rich and famous isn’t always what it appears to be. The day before her death she performed one last time in front of a group of friends. Do you know what her last song was? It was the very fitting, “Jesus Loves Me”. In her last performance, she went back to her roots in gospel music and the church she loved.

In closing, if you or your children have friends that are not a good influence and you realize you need to make some changes, then take a stand, do the right thing and start today!Make sure your friends and your children’s friends have your best interest at heart. We all have been influenced by negative people in our lives and have learned we must be aware of whom we allow to come into our lives and that of our children.

I’ll close with I Corinthians 15:33 from the Bible.It is a scripture that reminds us that God knows all about the questionable people who come into our lives and warns us to be careful when we choose our friends.It reads, “Do not be misled. Bad company corrupts good character.”

Master Life Coaching, Divorce coaching and counseling is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado.

What is your marriage worth to you? How do you put a price tag on 5, 10, 15, or 20+ years of marriage? It amazes me when couples break up how they say “You owe me plenty for staying with you in this loveless marriage.” When I hear that in my divorce and counseling practice, I ask myself “What is their marriage really worth?”

We watch plenty of athletes divorce and end up paying millions in cash, houses, vacation homes, etc. Do you think Tiger Woods was happy giving Elin Nordegren $100 million? Michael Jordan’s wife Juanita Vanoy received $168 million in their divorce. Paul McCarthy’s ex wife Heather Mills asked for $108 million dollars and won. That’s $27 million dollars for every year that they were married.

Most divorcing couples will fight and each will demand the house, the entire bank account, all the assets, the pets, everything they own in an attempt to get even with their spouse. Well folks, it doesn’t always work that way! Usually everything evenly divided right down the middle. This includes assets, cash, savings, property and cars.

What about the children?  Well that’s another story. A visitation schedule will have to be set up that will require working and planning with both parents. Determining where the children live, holiday schedules and who will get primary custody is another battle typically fought. Most may not agree with the arrangement but keeping the children’s best interest in mind is most important. Some couples will use their children as pawns to get back at each other. This is when I suggest compromising on the children’s behalf.

A few years ago a client of mine shared the story of how his ex-wife had used their daughter as a pawn to get back at him. He told me how he had rented a motor home and had planned a summer vacation with his 12 year old daughter to visit relatives in Ohio. Two weeks prior to their trip he and his ex-wife had gotten into an argument over the phone. As a way to punish him for the argument, she delayed allowing their daughter to meet him by several days. “Don’t argue with me” she said, “I hold the cards on visitation! It will cost you lots of money to fight this I know you don’t have it.” She was right and he knew it.

So, again I ask you this question, how much is your marriage worth to you? It’s not only measured in dollars and cents, but also in relationships with your children who need both parents. As adults we have to put our differences aside and meet our children’s needs! I have heard heart breaking stories where mom or dad has promised to pick up their children for a fun night out and they’re a no-show. The children wait by the window looking for mom or dad only to be disappointed.

So if you think about what a marriage is worth, what is it worth to you in the long run? Can we put a price on our children? Can we put a price on their happiness? Can we put a price on our own happiness?

Many of my readers have expressed an interest in talking with me about how to save their marriage, or how to end it. Having gone through a divorce myself, I understand  what you’re going through and I’m here to help. My calendar is available for you to schedule a no obligation, 30 minute appointment to decide if divorce coaching or divorce counseling can help you. I can help walk you through the process, step-by-step, whatever option you choose.

The issue of divorce won’t go away by itself. Let me help you resolve what can be one of the most difficult times in your life. You can start moving forward again. Make that your first step right now and schedule an appointment.

Master Life Coaching, Divorce coaching and divorce counseling is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado.

If you’re considering separation, one of the most difficult things you will face will be sitting down with your children and telling them that you and your spouse are temporarily separating. I’ve lived through it and can attest to the fact that it was one of the most heart-wrenching experiences of my life and that of my daughter. My daughter loved both her mother and me, no question about that. At the time of our separation she was 8 years old and full of life. She didn’t know that her mother and I were not getting along, which is why it made it even more difficult to explain to her what we were about to do.

We reassured her that we loved her so very much and tried to gently explain that her mom and dad needed a break from each other so that we could work on our problems. I explained to her that although her mother would be moving out of our house, we both would be there for her and were just a phone call away if she ever needed us. The tears welled up in her little eyes and she wept. We were her whole world and all that she ever knew.

How much do you tell your children about your impending separation and how much do they need to know? What questions will you answer and what questions are off limits? These things need to be well planned and thought out before you talk to your children. If you do not have a game plan you will confuse them and potentially cause more problems. I highly recommend that you and your spouse agree to meet and cover the important issues that need to be shared with your kids. What are the things that you should talk about?

• The first thing you’ll want to do is reassure your children you love them and nothing will ever change that.
• Make sure both parents are there to talk with the children. Be prepared for questions that may be asked of you.
• Make a commitment to avoid airing your dirty laundry or that of your spouse.
• Let them know that as their parents you are working on things separately and need time to do so. Do not give dates when you will get back together even if this is your plan to avoid getting their hopes up!
• If it is appropriate, share with your children that you need time to repair the marriage and make it stronger, so time apart will help this process happen.
• Allow your children to express their feelings
• If you don’t have answers to their questions, don’t lie and make things up. Be straight with your kids – they will love you for it.
• If you are having an affair, do not tell your children! This will cause lasting damage and pain for your children.
• Don’t point out your spouse’s faults and blame each other for why you’re separating.

This list is just a start. These are simple guidelines that can be added to or changed however you’d like.

It is very important to keep your children informed. They will need you more than ever to reassure them they will be ok! Make every attempt to spend extra time with them. You will be in pain and struggling with everyday parenting while trying to figure out what your next steps will be but it’s important to continue doing normal, day-to-day activities with them.

Do you fear telling your kids that you are getting separated or divorced and need help in doing so? Do you or partner need help in putting a plan together for talking with your children? Do you need to rehearse sharing your plan with your children? If you answered yes to any of these questions, call and set up a complimentary 30 minute appointment with Dr. Mike.

Several of my readers have expressed an interest in talking with me about how to save their marriage and even how to or how to bring it to a close. During our 30 minute consultation we will explore whether divorce coaching or divorce counseling is for you. I have made my calendar available for you to schedule a free 30 minute appointment. All calls are confidential and your privacy is protected.

You can go to Mike’s blog and comment on today’s article at https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/ or you can go to the www.idontwantthisdivorce.com website for additional information.

Master Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado.

For more information or to schedule a free consultation, call or email me at 303.456.0555 or mike@applicablecoaching.com. All calls are confidential and your privacy is guaranteed.

“Hey kid, did you see who backed into my car?” the man asked. I stammered and said, “Yes”. I was a terrified 10 year-old thinking I was in trouble for not reporting it when I saw it happen. The tall, imposing man walked over to me and kindly asked me what kind of car and color it was and was it a man or woman behind the wheel. I did my best to answer his questions, maybe not to his satisfaction, but I answered truthfully and as best as I could.

I told him how I had standing by a grocery cart in the parking lot when the offending woman walked by me, got into her car, started it up then slowly backed out of the parking stall and right into the man’s car. I remember thinking how odd it was that the sound of the crash wasn’t all that loud. The woman stopped and inspected the damage she had just caused. To my surprise, she proceeded to drive away without so much as leaving a note with her name and phone number. Moments later the owner the damaged car walked out of the store and discovered the dent in his driver’s side door. Even as a child I realized that what that woman did that day was wrong.

My question today is: Who are we when no one is looking? Are we honest with ourselves when nobody is around watching us? I can think of many personal instances where I have failed over the years. We all know people who at times have cheated on tests, taxes, spouses and even sports and games. I remember years ago while in college we had a substitute professor administering a final exam. As I sat in the back row I observed several students cheat by stealing answers off of their friend’s tests. They were taking advantage of the fact that the substitute professor really didn’t care!

Being true to yourself comes in many forms. Are you honest when taking tax deductions; filing out your time card at work; returning items as new when you actually used the item or something as simple as letting a clerk know when you have been undercharged for an item?

So I ask, “Do you realize that being honest with yourself and others is the core of your character?” By Dr. Michael Brooks Divorce Coach, and Divorce Counselor

I sat outside on my back deck staring at the moon watching the cotton clouds pass overhead through the bright starry mid-August night. You could hear the aspen leaves dancing in the slight breeze out of the west. It was about 11:30, the night was warm as the crickets chirped in unison. Off in the distance, I could hear the thunder and see the lightening storm headed my way. Just a few blocks away, I could hear cars hitting sewer covers and pot holes, while motor cycles sped up to make it through the yellow light at the Avenue of Kipling and Oak street. The occasional dog barking down the block added the the busyness that late August evening.

I was in deep thought, no matter how busy the outside world seemed. My divorce papers were laying on the oak kitchen table inside the house. I turned my head and glanced towards the dinning room that was in the dark. The divorce papers weren’t going anywhere, just knowing the pain they caused me that afternoon was enough for me not to go look at them for the hundredth time. I picked them up several times during the day, saw my name, the name of my wife, and tossed them back on the table in disbelief. How more of this shock and grief could I take? Was I a glutton for punishment, I asked myself? Should I get up from this comfortable lawn chair and go see if that’s really my name on the divorce papers I received today? I would have to turn the lights on, then look again! Nope, I am going to sit here and take in this evening by myself, no more divorce papers for me tonight.

The thunder got louder, and the flashes of lightening arched across the sky. I could now smell the rain that was headed my way. It was now 2:00 AM, the city seemed to be sleeping. I hardly heard any cars, and my soul began to quiet down. I thought to myself, let’s see, what happened to me today? I got divorce papers served, my life is falling apart, nothing really major happened beside those two things. I was now alone, all alone. I started to figure out what was so loud at 2 AM, it was the quietness of the city and the calming of my heart. I compare it to just after hearing the muzzle blast of a 44 Magnum, and then the silence. Just for that split second, you hear nothing but silence. I sat in the lawn chair, and was alone with my thoughts. Slowly, I realized that being alone with my thoughts was perfectly OK.

This was my time, just for me, for the first time in years I was now alone with my thoughts and feelings. As I closed my eyes and leaned back with my head resting on the back of the lawn chair. I shut my brain down, and waited for the silent little voice that would tell me everything is going to be OK. After all, I have a busy mind that never seems to shut down.

I was very uncomfortable with how quiet the space around me was. Then I began to think, this quietness is not really that bad, it’s not going to hurt me. so, I started to think of my issues that I needed to work on. I didn’t let any outside distractions take over. Let’s just say for the first time in many months, I was in total control of an agenda that was to help me, get to know me. I forgot who I was during many years of a bad marriage. In order to find peace and quiet you need to put that as a top priority in your game plan. I did and it was amazing on what I found out about myself.

   I enjoyed being alone to think about my future.
    I wrote in a journal, keeping tabs on my emotions and feelings.
    I took long walks and listened to wordless music.
    I wrote out my goals for 1, 3, and 5 years, for personal, relational, and business.
    I decided to keep only healthy friendships in my life, no more high maintenance individuals.
    Do at least one fun thing once a week, trips, hobbies, read a book.
    Send or call one person a week and thank them for something they have done for you, that helped me appreciate those who made a difference in my life.
    If you owe someone an apology, make sure you do that in writing or a phone call, so I made phone calls, sent e-mails and letters to those I offended. That made me feel soooo much better.
    The tears I shed were real, and healing. I used to bottle up my feelings and just walk away, no more, many nights I wept from a broken heart, my broken heart.

Learn to appreciate the quiet that surrounds you. The first few weeks or few months, this time of quiet will be in the evening while you’re alone eating dinner or laying in bed. Sometimes it will be while your driving, or even eating lunch. Enjoy these times, they are very healing and beneficial. Healing takes place in the quietness of your heart, learn to have these times, they will carry you through difficult times. Please share your thoughts on this article. How did you handle the quietness you experienced?

Divorce coaching/divorcing counseling Is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment. And you don’t even have to come to my office. Sometimes, that makes it feel safer. We can connect by phone, or use various communication options on the internet. That also means you don’t have to plan travel time or additional expense to meet with me. Plus, your anonymity and privacy are completely secure. I have many out of state clients, who prefer this effective means for Divorce Coaching and Divorce Counseling.

Many of you have expressed an interest in talking with me about how to save your marriage, or how to end it. Having gone through the pain myself, I’d be glad to help. Click here to receive a free 30-minute appointment, I’m making my calendar available for you to schedule a free no obligation 30 minute appointment to see if divorce coaching or divorce counseling can help you. so I can help walk you through the process, step-by-step, whatever option you choose.

It won’t just go away by itself. Let me help you resolve one of the most painful times in your life, so you can start moving forward again. Make that your first step right now.

I certainly know all about the pain of being alone while contemplating the option of divorce. For me, it happened while we both still lived in the same house. I was broken in spirit, frightened about my future, and had no one to turn to.

I had friends, and good ones, but in the throws of divorce you think, I don’t want to burden them with my marriage problems. I need, and have to get professional help— someone who has my best interests at heart but is objective in helping me get results.

See if this is a picture in which you see yourself. It’s Late at night, you’ve been sitting on the couch, or lying in bed. You begin to realize as you stare at the ceiling, maybe my marriage is over. It’s difficult for you to talk to anyone. You don’t want your family or your friends to know what you have been thinking. Besides, it’s just plain embarrassing. You ask yourself, should I try to save and fight for my marriage, or should I just end it? It’s all so confusing.

Too often, help seems so far away from you. Whether you live in the burbs, the country, mountains, the middle of nowhere USA, or even a big city, you can easily feel isolated and alone among the crowds of people. You try to appear as normal as you can outside, while inside, you’re dealing with your own private turmoil. You say to yourself, I need someone to talk to! But, where can I go and to whom can I turn to get that help? I need a divorce coach/divorce counselor to be a sounding board and make sense of my mess for me. I’m just not sure where to start.

That’s why I personally write for Idontwantthisdivorce.com  Divorce Coaching and Divorce Counseling.

Divorce coaching/divorcing counseling Is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment. And you don’t even have to come to my office. Sometimes, that makes it feel safer. We can connect by phone, or use various communication options on the internet. That also means you don’t have to plan travel time or additional expense to meet with me. Plus, your anonymity and privacy are completely secure. I have many out of state clients, who prefer this effective means for Divorce Coaching and Divorce Counseling.