“You are so stupid, I cannot find a person more stupid than you”, her husband yelled. “You are a jerk! Everyone thinks you’re pathetic! Even I think you’re pathetic and you drink too much! You’re a pig!” his wife responded. Sad, isn’t it? I often get asked by warring couples when I think they should end their marriage. Only those who are trapped in a miserable marriage can answer that question. I can’t make that decision; neither should a family member, nor a friend. Yet, when couples are considering divorce they will ask anyone who will listen. I have seen many make the decision to end their marriage due to the advice of a friend or a family member.

Divorce should always be the last option especially if there is any hope of saving the marriage. I encourage my clients to give their marriage every chance of making it work. This is especially important if you have children. It is imperative that they see their parents trying to work out their differences. The problem with divorce today is how easy they are to obtain.

Is your marriage unbearable and you just can’t stand it any longer because of the physical abuse, drug abuse, physical or emotional infidelity or sexual prevision? If so, then you have to decide whether you’re going to work on your marriage or make the decision to end it. I have had many female clients over the years who were married to abusive alcoholics, drug users and adulterers. I have seen it all, and believe it or not, many of these women choose to stay in abusive marriages. Love takes many different twists and turns and it can be very confusing.

So when do you know if it’s time to throw in the towel? In my opinion, it’s when you, your children or immediate family members are in danger of physical harm or death. That’s when you call the police and seek a court order for protection. The right time to make this call is now! Repeated infidelity is also grounds for divorce. If drug abuse is a problem and children living in the home, I would suggest ending the marriage. The courts will remove children from the home if they know drug abuse is involved. You can’t allow your kids to be victims of an abusive partner who does drugs and places their lives in danger.

There are many reasons marriages end. If you are planning to divorce it’s best to sit down with your spouse and talk things over, unless you are in physical danger or there is history of abuse. Let them know why you are considering a divorce. Be honest and up front. Seek counseling and guidance when you make the decision to divorce. Lay out all the facts on the table and be prepared to explain why you feel the way you do. Let your spouse share their feelings too. So many times a spouse will give no reason for the divorce and will say “Oh, you know why I want a divorce” then walk away. Explain your reasons thoroughly, then move on.

Do you dread being in a miserable marriage and you can’t find resolve or have the energy to continue on? Do you want out of your marriage and need a plan on how to make that happen? Does your spouse have addictions and will not seek help, and you fear for your safety and that of your children? If you answered yes to any of these questions contact Dr. Mike for assistance.

Deciding when to throw in the towel in a bad marriage is really up to you. However, if you can save your marriage, by all means try to make it work. If live in fear and constant danger, contact Dr. Mike.

Master Life Coaching, Divorce coaching and counseling is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype (drmike45). The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado.

It was a perfect day for a wedding in the park. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and the smell of spring was in the air. As the guests were being escorted to their seats, quiet laughing, whispers and giggling could be heard. These were beautiful sounds of joy where people gathered together to celebrate the union of two hearts. Some of the guests hadn’t seen each other in years and were reconnecting with hugs and smiles.

This went on for several minutes while chamber music played in the background. I watched as the groomsmen took their places in front of the wedding guests. The pastor followed shortly thereafter. Finally, the wedding march played and everyone stood in honor of the bride as she walked down the aisle with her father. You could hear the cameras clicking and sounds of delight as the beautiful bride joined the wedding party at the front. I wasn’t too far from the front when I noticed the mother-of-the-bride was seated next to the groom’s mother. Her father was on the other side of the aisle. It didn’t take long to figure out what was going on:  the family of divorce. Her parents couldn’t put their differences aside for just a few hours even at their daughter’s wedding. Unfortunately, this is way too common these days.

There are many complications to divorce and going to special occasions and family events can bring great stress to one or both parties. Weddings seem to cause the greatest stress more often than not. Many times, certain family members will side with the one who was on the receiving end of the divorce. Tension in the air is a natural byproduct of divorce. It was sad to watch this scenario play out from the distance. It was immediately apparent that the bride’s parents were uncomfortable with each other. Weddings can be the most difficult for children of divorce. Graduation parties are next in line.

Most people going through divorce don’t have the ability to look down the road and see family events as a problem until it’s too late. If it was a friendly divorce, which they rarely are, then family gatherings may be easy to participate in. If it was a bitter divorce, family gatherings may be very difficult to face. A friend of mine, whose divorce was a bitter fight was told that he and his new wife were the only ones allowed to attend his daughter’s wedding. To add insult to injury, he was not allowed to make the toast to his daughter and her new husband. Clearly, this was a very awkward wedding ceremony and wedding dinner. The bride’s mother and her new husband were taking on her ex-husband, while using the daughter’s wedding as a power trip. This is just one aspect of the ugliness of divorce that few consider when contemplating divorce.

So how do you deal with the fear of weddings and social occasions with your ex-spouse? There are many ways to deal with these family events, especially if it was a bitter divorce. One way it to write a letter to let your ex know that you want to put your differences aside and make sure that your child has the best wedding ever. Agree to have family members keep their opinions to themselves on that special day. There is no reason for conflict at a wedding. If you (or a family member) cannot control your emotions then don’t go! Why stir up a hornet’s nest with wedding guests and ruin the day for the bride and groom? This day belongs to them. Remember that! This is a day where you want to create wonderful memories for your children, grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins and friends. You certainly don’t want to be the talk of the town for all the wrong reasons!

Do you worry there may be some friction between you or your ex at your next family event? Do you think there will be problems from some of the wedding guests? Is your son or daughter concerned about some of the people who have been invited to their wedding? If you answered yes to any of these questions and need someone to talk to that can help you address these and other concerns then call me! If you have a son or daughter getting married in the near future and need help in knowing how to deal with your ex-spouse or other wedding guests, give me a call! I can help you!

Master Life Coaching, Divorce coaching and counseling is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype (drmike45). The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado.

A recent client of mine told me about how his wife had reconnected with an old boyfriend from high school through Facebook.They hadn’t seen each other in 38 years and considered each other their “first love”.As we all know, a “first love” is a tough bond to break especially when there was physical intimacy involved.

He told me that her old boyfriend found her on Facebook and sent her a contact note. She responded back by telling him she was married and had 4 children. He wanted to hear more about her life and what she had been doing all those 38 years. Unbeknownst to her, he had been divorced and was thinking about her.Eventually, her marriage seemed unfulfilling to her too and unfortunately, she shared that with her exboyfriend . He was an engineer and had been divorced for 3 years.He wanted to reconnect with her and she thought it would be nice to see him too.So she traveled to Ohio to meet him and never told her husband where she was going.She just packed her bags for a “weekend getaway”.

When she returned she told her husband of 30+ years that she was divorcing him. She wanted out and had talked to a lawyer about putting the divorce together. She told their grown children that she was divorcing their father and told all kinds of lies about him. She also told the children that he was unfaithful and abusive towards her. The lies got even worse the more time she spent with her old flame talking on the phone and chatting on Facebook. With her lies, she turned her children and family against him.

The lies were so destructive and painful he nearly had a nervous breakdown. He begged, pleaded, groveled, wept and cried to get her back. She destroyed this man’s life because of an affair she wanted and tried to justify it with her own lies. This woman was very deceitful and filled with hate.

When I met with this man at my office, he was beside himself. He had nowhere to turn and his children wanted nothing to do with him. His wife hated him and was bent on taking him down. He asked me, “Dr. Mike, where do I go from here? I have done nothing that she has accused me of. I have been faithful to her and loved her, but she always seemed unhappy.I’ve tried talking with her, planning vacations, etc., but it just never worked out. I even asked her to go to marriage counseling, which she refused. I know I wasn’t a perfect husband, but I tried everything possible to make her happy. “

He told me that he found out who the guy was, what kind of job he had and the type of people he was involved with.He also knew how many times he was divorced and even current relationships the man was involved in. He had all the emails they sent each other with the time and date stamps on them.He wanted to know why another man would take his wife away, knowing full-well she was still married. That was a fair question. Relationships can be so complex!They are hard to understand at times. “Who should get the blame,” he asked? I told him, “They both should. He shares in equal blame.The reason you feel it’s more your wife’s fault is because she is the focal point of your pain.”

If you suspect that your spouse/partner is reconnecting with a former girlfriend, boyfriend, lover, etc., you need to confront them immediately. The longer you delay the more damage there will be and the possibility of your marriage will come to an end is likely. Confronting your spouse is not a bad thing – doing absolutely nothing is. You need a game plan when you talk to your spouse/partner. If you accuse them without knowing what you’re going to say, you’re headed for trouble so plan on that! More and more relationships have ended from social websites than ever before. If you are tempted to look up an old boyfriend or girlfriend, don’t. There is no reason to risk hurting your relationship with your spouse/partner by looking for past loves. Protect that relationship you’re in, guard it and enjoy it! Trying to rekindle a relationship with an old flame never works, especially if you’re in a committed relationship.

Do you suspect that your spouse has been cheating on you by using Facebook or Classmates.com? Have you seen the signs of them spending time texting excessively or on the computer? Do you need help in confronting your spouse/partners suspicious behavior? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow an old love to destroy your relationship.

If your marriage has ended because of any type of social media and you need someone to talk to, or need help in overcoming the pain you’re going through, please call Dr. Mike. He can help you. He has helped several people through the process of a broken relationship caused by social media infidelity.

Master Life Coaching, Divorce coaching and counseling is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype (drmike45). The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado.

Remember Flip Wilson playing the character of “Reverend Leroy” pastor of the “Church of What’s Happening Now,” and “Geraldine Jones,” the sassy African-American woman in a miniskirt? His characters were always blaming their bad behavior on the devil. That famous line, “The Devil Made Me Do it.” was hysterical! It was funny as I watched it as a kid, but as an adult, I see people blaming the devil for every serious mistake they make. As Wayne Stiles, Executive Vice President and Chief Content Officer at Insight for Living wrote, “In the Garden of Eden, God confronted the first man and woman after they sinned, and their reaction set the course for an entire race of blame-shifters.

The man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me from the tree, and I ate.” Then the LORD God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?” And the woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” (Genesis 3:12-13, emphasis added)

I remember listening to an argument a few months ago that left me dumbfounded! This particular man accused his wife of forcing him to stray outside of their marriage because he claimed she wasn’t a good housekeeper, was a lousy cook which forced him to go find a woman who could perform these important “wifely duties”.

She fought back the tears and informed him that in her mind, he wasn’t exactly her Casanova! She didn’t like how overweight he was, thought he was inept at fixing things around the house and resented how he ignored their boys. She went on to say that she deserved a man who could love her for who she was and was willing to work with her and that she was going to seek this man out! Man oh man did that get his attention!    At first he blamed his wife. Then he made a startling statement, “I have not been myself lately. It’s like the devil is living inside of me.” Wow! At least he saw the damage he had done. This couple finally worked things out and now enjoys a great marriage. They work together as a team on the issues that had them at their wit’s end.

We give the devil to much credit, when it’s actually our own bad decisions that make a mess of our lives. When we know right from wrong and we still go the wrong direction, it is we who pays the price for doing the wrong thing. Yes, I know when we decide to follow the little voice that tells us, “its ok no one will care and no one will know” that we then manage to justify our actions and set the process in motion for certain disaster! When we choose to do wrong we ignore the questions. “If no one knows what I’m doing then what’s the harm? It’s ok to do this, heck everyone else is, why not me?” When in truth, we know very well that what we are doing is wrong. Most people don’t get caught in their deceit. That is why they continue to live a life of discreet danger; for the thrill and excitement.

It’s so much easier to blame someone or something and not take responsibility for our actions. When we do something wrong we need to admit it and correct it right away. Believe me, no one gets a pass on temptation. Some of the most respected people I know will tell you they have had to face their own bad choices and own up to them. More often than not, we are our own worst enemy. Again, we all make our share of mistakes but when we deny what we have done it will only makes the problem worse and people will question your motives and actions. I see it happen all the time.

That’s when we have to look at ourselves and be totally honest. Why do we do the things we do? The first step in fixing the problem is admitting we are at fault and speak the truth to ourselves. Do you need help in this area? Then contact Dr. Mike today! He can help you get your life back on the right track!

Master Life Coaching, Divorce coaching and counseling is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado.

“Enemy in the camp,” have you ever heard this term used before? I hadn’t until I was in my twenties. I didn’t understand this term until it was used as a story to illustrate how friends and loved ones aren’t always in your corner when you need them. At times, they are the ones who spew lies and hate and have total disregard for your happiness and welfare. They usually have an agenda that often destroys the entire family, the work place, and even the church. It’s commonly called dissension and is defined as those who cause division.

Many times these folks use the camouflage of relationships to gain the trust of their unsuspecting victim. I see it often during separation and divorce. Usually during separation, a friend or family member has talked one of them into filing for divorce. They themselves may have had a terribly bad marriage and talked to anybody who would listen. Does this happen? You bet it does and often!

That’s where the term “enemy in the camp” came from. The sooner you can expose this person the better. The only way to stop them is to confront them. I have been asked, “Who is the enemy in the camp?” Well, it can be your best friend, your brother, sister, son, daughter, aunt, uncle, co-worker, your neighbor, it can even be you!

How does the enemy in the camp operate? I look at these people as the little devil on your shoulder encouraging you to do the wrong thing. “Oh, it’s ok to have an affair, find out what you’re missing. There’s nothing wrong with leaving the marriage, after all you deserve to be happy.” These folks like to poison the well, so to speak. They do it very well, under the guise of looking out for you. They pretend to care about the person they are hurting and anybody else, beware. I see this so often in my practice. It amazes me that very few see this vindictive person as family or friend looking out for them.

I had a client whose wife left him for another man. Her husband wanted her back and was willing to do anything to fix the marriage, including the things he needed to work on personally. The entire church was praying for this man and his wife to reconcile. Lo and behold, there was an older woman in the church who was spreading lies about this man accusing him of kicking his wife out of the house. He and his wife confronted her on the phone about her lies and although she said she knew the truth continued to lie to all who would listen. That, my friend, is an example of the “enemy in the camp.” It’s one who knows they are recklessly destroying the lives of many without any conscience whatsoever.

Confronting the enemy in the camp is very important. There are many ways to do it, and it takes courage and factual information. As soon as you realize who the enemy is, ask them why they are getting involved in a personal matter that is none of their business. Listen carefully to what they say. Having the facts are important in exposing this person who is causing the problems. Once you expose the enemy in the camp encourage the person they are hurting to have an open conversation if they will allow it. Continue showing them the truth. Go over the details of why this enemy wants to destroy their marriage or any relationship of value. Keep friends and family from the enemy. These people look for details of family squabbles and invite themselves to join in and partake in escalating the problem. The enemy in the camp does not care about the dynamics of healthy relationships in the family. Their job is to cause division between two people and entire families.

I have seen how smooth the enemy in the camp operates. They show a little compassion and then win over the confidence of the unsuspecting person. Then they give bad advice that leads to division in relationships. I say run from anyone who wants to stir up trouble and who does not promote healing and understanding. Relationships are very important and need repair at times. There is nothing wrong with rolling up your sleeves and working hard to fix a damaged marriage.

Master Life Coaching, Divorce coaching and counseling is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado.

I watched the busy crowd at Wendy’s wait in line to order their food. While watching the workers behind the counter I noticed how rushed they were. The people waiting in line were chattering about the fire and the friends they knew that had to be evacuated. The kids that waited in line with their parents had no clue what was going on; however, you could sense the nervousness of the adults as they looked at the menu board.

I witnessed many acts of kindness last week here in the Conifer area as we fought another round of wildfires. I saw everyday people buying meals for the fire fighters who were behind them in line. Many grateful residents approached them as they ate their lunch and thanked them for helping with putting out the fires. That brought a smile to my face watching people reaching out and appreciating those who were risking their lives to keep our community safe. We all know that kindness toward each other should be practiced everyday not just when bad things happen. Sure, we all can pitch in and help I applaud that. But we need to be aware of those in need on a daily basis.

Can you think of those who need your help, but are afraid to ask? Can you call someone who may need an encouraging word? This is not rocket science my friends, it’s helping those in need. When I heard about three lives that were lost in the South Fork fires, I was extremely saddened. The elderly couple who lost their lives in the fire were known in the community as ones who would call the shut-ins in their church on a daily basis. The shut-ins that were interviewed said their calls were so helpful and the act of kindness reminded them that they were important to someone. A simple call means so much for those who cannot get out. A three minute call is all it takes.

I shared a story a while back about my first job as a senior in high school. I delivered prescriptions for a local pharmacy in Chicago. Many times I would deliver medications to senior citizens and shut-ins an at times I would be the only person they would see on a monthly basis. Each time I would spend a few minutes talking with them and checking in on them. One elderly woman would have me deliver tooth paste, bathroom tissue, mouthwash, and occasionally her prescriptions on a weekly basis. The drug store that I worked for received a call from this woman’s son a few months later telling us that his mother passed away. He then demanded to know why she had a closet full of unused merchandise from the drug store I worked at.

I remember her talking about a son that never called or had time for her. I was the only person that paid any attention to her. The few minutes a week I gave her made her feel special. My boss told him that maybe if he had spent some time with her maybe she would not have had a delivery boy fill the role as her son. Do you know of anyone who could use a 5 minute pick-me-up phone call? The phone is the easiest way to connect to a senior or someone on the mend from surgery or an illness for the busy person.

This is my challenge for you:   find someone who could use a call or a visit from you. It might be a family member or a neighbor who lives nearby. It could be someone in an assisted living home. The people who could use a call from you are endless. Just put a little thought into it and make it happen.

Master Life Coaching, Divorce coaching and counseling is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area.

Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines common sense as, “The sound and prudent judgment based on a simple perception of the situation or facts”.

Common sense. What happened to it? Where did it go? Can we find it again? I see so many people making foolish mistakes! Mistakes that could be avoided if a little common sense were applied before action were taken!

I am a big fan of the afternoon television show, Judge Judy. It’s amazing how many people who appear on her show lack basic common sense. I am reminded of one show in particular where a young man knocked a woman down who was busy scraping ice from her windshield. He proceeded to steal her car and sped away on the icy road. Needless to say, he crashed her car just a few blocks away then abandoned it and ran away. Later that day police found him at his parent’s home and arrested him. You would think this would have been an open and shut case, but it wasn’t. This young man and his father took the woman to court in an attempt to sue her for having bald tires, which in their mind, caused the accident. Fortunately, Judge Judy showed no mercy towards these two and told them in no uncertain terms how ridiculous they were to think they had a legal leg to stand on! These two men showed a lack of sound and prudent judgment based on the simple perception of the facts!

French historian and philosopher, Voltaire, once said: “Common sense is not so common.” The good news is however, common sense can be learned. Growing up, I used to hear my grandpa say, “That boy doesn’t have a lick of sense.” I never knew for sure what he meant until I got a lecture from my father about playing with fire. My first memory of learning the concept of common sense happened when I was about 6 years old while we were stationed in Schweinfurt, Germany. I had lit a model airplane on fire and ran through the house as it dripped melted plastic on the living room carpet. Later, I went outside to play and didn’t give any thought to what I had just done. It wasn’t long afterwards when I heard my father yell, “Michael Patrick Joseph Brooks!” I knew I was in big trouble. I ran to where he was and found him with his hands on his hips holding a belt. He explained to me how close I came to burning down the house and proceeded to give me a well-deserved spanking! Although I was just a child, my father used my childish mistake to teach me a valuable lesson in applying common sense.

As adults have we really learned the ins and outs of common sense? Do we say things that we know are wrong and should never be spoken? Common sense tells us when to speak words of healing and understanding as opposed to staying silent. I am often heard telling those I counsel, “Taste what you say before you say it.” Once those words sail out of your mouth, they can never be taken back. The damage will be done.

We can perfect our understanding and use of common sense by making ourselves accountable to trusted friend or mentor. This accountability can be worth its weight in gold as we grow and mature. I want someone to tell me when I have made a bad decision or said something that was out of line.

It’s important we watch what we say and do when we’re around our friends, family and co-workers. A funny joke told by you may be insulting to others. A teasing remark can be taken many ways. An innocent suggestion can get you into trouble. Learning to think before you speak is a move in the right direction toward practicing common sense!

Harriet Beecher Stowe said it best, “Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done.” Keep this in mind and I guarantee it will keep you out of trouble!

Master Life Coaching, Divorce coaching and counseling is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado.