“Did you hear about Emily’s affair? She was seen at a restaurant having dinner with a man that was not her husband. I mean the nerve of that woman! Her husband is ill and she is fooling around with another man! I called several of my friends and asked them if they knew about her affair! I will get at the bottom of this if it kills me.” This rumor spread like wildfire in a small community in the mid-west. The truth of the matter was Emily was having dinner with her brother whom she had not seen in 15 years. This is the fabric of out-of-control gossip.

Merriam Webster’s dictionary defines a gossip as:
a: person who habitually reveals personal or sensational facts about others
b: rumor or report of an intimate nature
c: a chatty talk
  .
Gossipmongers are people who indulge in such useless talk about others’ personal or private lives. It is a means of sharing views and information but introduces errors or variation in the actual information which is real. Gossip is sometimes referred to spreading of false or dirty information about someone after distorting the real facts. Gossip can also involve discussion of scandals.

I hear more and more people talking about their friends, family members and co-workers behind their backs. Frankly I am tired of it. It seems to me we ought to stop people from being a participant in gossiping. Gossip can end lifetime friendships, divide families, and can destroy businesses and partnerships. It does so much damage in today’s society.

You may recall back in high school where we all joined in talking about the social defunct students who walked amongst us. People would talk about scandalous parties where students were involved in immoral acts. Even the status of certain parents and their jobs or houses they lived in was all fodder for the rumor mill. I remember those days well. Did I participate in gossip during my school years? Of course I did! We all did.

As we get older most of us realize how damaging gossip can be and tend to shy away from it; however, we all know those who just thrive on gossip and look for any excuse to talk about someone. The Inquirer magazine fills a void for many gossips, but most gossips prefer hometown, juicy tales of neighbors and townsfolk. They will share any lie or contrived story for the unsuspecting person who comes along their way. Many gossips have no idea and could probably care less about the damage they do to couples, individuals, and families! How many marriages have been destroyed by a gossip? I see it all the time in my practice. I have had countless couples share stories with me about a friend who started a rumor about someone and the marriage ended up in divorce.

I remember when my daughter was a sophomore in high school and came home one day very upset. She told me that one of her friends had started a rumor about her. I told her not to respond but just leave it alone. I also told her that when someone spreads lies and rumors about fellow classmates, one of them will eventually confront them and it will not be pretty. I always encourage my clients to talk positively when talking about others, like a soon-to-be ex-spouse, former co-workers and friends because “whatever is whispered in secret, will be shouted from the rooftops.” Even though you may think you are telling someone something in confidence out of concern, the information you share will most likely be shared with others. It’s amazing on how many people like to gossip. The trouble that goes with it is not worth it!

My tips on how to deal with a gossip:
•    When someone comes to you and starts to gossip, stop them immediately and ask that person if they would mind going to the person they are gossiping about and share it with them. This will stop them in their tracks. This works! I have done this many times with success.
•    Ask the person who is gossiping what the point is of sharing personal information? Ask them what they are getting out of it.
•    Tell the person who is gossiping that it makes them look small and immature.
•    Ask them how they would feel if someone gossiped about them and how would he/she deals with it. Would they want the rumors, gossip, and lies to continue or be stopped?
•    One of my favorite questions is to ask the person who is gossiping, “Can we pray about this?” You can ask this question even if you are not a regular church member or a person of faith. The shock value you will get will be priceless!
•    Finally, you can simply walk away.
Try these tips. They really do work. I have used them all and have gotten some great results. Don’t be afraid to confront someone that gossips about you or your friends when it’s libel or can get someone hurt. I guarantee you, when you don’t participate in gossip you’re not going to have people attack you or confront you about a rumor, lies or telling secrets.

Have you been a victim of gossip and need help getting over it? Do you want to confront a gossip who is harming your family? Do you need help in moving on and letting go of someone who hurt you through gossip? Are you someone who needs help in stopping your gossip habit? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call he can help you. Call him at 303.456.0555 if you have any questions.

As I was driving from south central Wisconsin to Arvada, Colorado, I had hoped the 20 hour drive would be a relaxing and a break from the business I had been dealing with. After 16 hours of driving, I was exhausted when I got to North Platte, Nebraska and could barely keep my eyes open. I desperately needed to pull off at a roadside rest area and close my eyes for a few minutes. As I started to relax I heard the horn blast of an 18-wheeler truck that startled me. I was now fully awake! I saw the shadow of a women who had walked in front of the truck then stopped, frozen in place.

It’s a good thing that the truck driver was paying attention and didn’t hit her, but it scared her pretty good. I ran over and got her out of the way and walked her over to the waiting area by the restroom. She was tired and didn’t realize she had walked in front of an oncoming 18 wheeler semi-truck.

How many times in our lives do we get caught in the headlights of life and really mess things up? I have been there and have learned to be aware of my surroundings: socially, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Knowing the pitfalls of life can keep you out of trouble. No one is immune from disasters in life. Preventing them is key to staying out of trouble. If you feel awkward in a social setting, just watch your P’s and Q’s and watch what you say. I remember one event where I happened to meet Peter Noone of Herman’s Hermits (for you younger people a well known British music group like the Beatles). As we stood there talking with him, my girlfriend at the time blurted out, “We love you Peter!” I looked at her then at him and felt so awkward! Then I said, “Well Peter, she loves you and I think you sing pretty good!” He burst out laughing as I felt my face flush red, and my girlfriend stood there grinning ear-to-ear. Looking back, I should have just kept my mouth shut. I look back today and laugh about it.

Many of us hate to admit that we have been caught in the headlights and are unaware of what’s going on around us. A client of mine wanted some ideas on how to get out of a bad relationship. We discussed what would happen if she stayed in her unhappy relationship. She went through all the possibilities of being financially destitute and losing her peace of mind. She agreed with me and assured me she would look at all of her options. She delayed making any decisions then when the moment of truth came upon her, she knew her life was going to change, she acted as though she was caught off guard. She called and told me how upset she was and wished she had listened to me and acted sooner. This was entirely preventable but her indecision got her into trouble.

Getting caught in the headlights of life is preventable. If you plan for the bumps in the road you will not get caught off guard. You may ask how can I prevent getting caught off guard. Here are a few of my suggestions.
Make a list of areas that you often find yourself being caught off guard. My list looks like this: Social, emotional, spiritual and physical.
•    What is the worst that can happen to you if you’re not prepared? What is the best that can happen to you if you are prepared? This way of thinking can prevent unexpected problems, so plan ahead!
•    Who causes you the most grief? Who brings you the most joy and happiness? There are times that you may need to eliminate high maintenance people out of your life and that’s ok. It will pay off in the long run. You have heard me say this before, “hang around people that are better then you are. They will set the high standards that will keep you on track.”
•    Take notes about past failures. Journaling is key to helping you see the patterns that trip you up.
These are pretty simple steps to help you stay out of the headlights of unexpected issues that come your way.

Do you fail to see bad situations that come your way and need help in seeing them from afar? Do you often get caught unaware? Do you keep looking back at past mistakes trying to figure out what happened? Call Dr. Mike and he can help you with some of these problems.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Betrayal is one of the worst feelings you will ever experience in your lifetime. We all have had it happen to us in one way or another. The feelings of hurt and pain can last a lifetime. I was watching a mini-series on the Bible last night and was wondering how they would promote Judas. Judas appeared to be a close friend of Jesus and the rest of the disciples. He ate with them, traveled with them and even had a close relationship with them. Jesus knew that Judas was about to betray him.

Today many of us don’t know who the Judas’s are in our lives. We find out through gossip, the legal system, and the newspapers and realize our world has fallen apart. I have seen people used in the game of betrayal. Families turn on other family members, co-workers turn on co-workers, and friends betray friends. Betrayal is as old as life itself. History tells of many stories of betrayal through the centuries.

Here are two of my favorite quotes on betrayal:
•    “It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.” -William Blake
•    When denial (his or ours) can no longer hold and we finally have to admit to ourselves that we’ve been lied to, we search frantically for ways to keep it from disrupting our lives. So we rationalize. We find “good reasons” to justify his lying, just as he almost always accompanies his confessions with “good reasons” for his lies. He tells us he only lied because…. We tell ourselves he only lied because…. We make excuses for him: The lying wasn’t significant/Everybody lies/He’s only human/I have no right to judge him.

Allowing the lies to register in our consciousness means having to make room for any number of frightening possibilities:

• He’s not the man I thought he was.
• The relationship has spun out of control and I don’t know
what to do
• The relationship may be over.

Most women will do almost anything to avoid having to face these truths. Even if we yell and scream at him when we discover that he’s lied to us, once the dust settles, most of us will opt for the comforting territory of rationalization. In fact, many of us are willing to rewire our senses, short-circuit our instincts and intelligence, and accept the seductive comfort of self-delusion.”
Susan Forward
•    “Many partners of addicts have told me they feel bad about themselves for staying in the relationship because of the betrayal they’ve experienced. They imagine that the people who know their past judge them to be stupid for staying with the person who’s caused them so much pain. I often counter this thinking, explaining that leaving may seem quick and easy because they can pretend they’re okay and the problem has disappeared. However, if you leave your relationship, you’ll be stuck with your pain and sorrow without the person you loved to help you sort it out. Why is this true? Because even though it feels as if your pain comes from your partner, it’s actually coming from inside you.”
Alexandra Katehakis

How do you deal with someone who betrays you? There are many things you can do. I would encourage you to talk to the one who has betrayed you and find out what their reasons are. Get some answers before you end a relationship with them. Some of your friends who have betrayed you are going to make excuses. Some will admit to it and will truly apologize for their betrayal. The people you will see through will be the ones who don’t care about hurting you as long as it’s benefiting them.

Here are a few tips on dealing with someone that has betrayed you:
•    Do not talk bad about the person who betrayed you, don’t stoop to that level. Keep your name clean from retaliation and bitterness.
•    Have a few friends that you can trust and share your deep thoughts with. Don’t tell the world your troubles. Many will be more than happy to share any information that you tell in private.
•    Do you have friends that are gossips? You know that they will share your secrets if they are gossiping about others.
•    Forgive yourself. Don’t beat yourself up for someone who betrayed you. Just be careful who you tell private information to.

These are pretty simple rules to live by and keep you out of trouble. If you have a gut feeling that tells you not to share something with the person you’re sitting across from, then don’t! We all have instincts that warn us about the some of the people we hang out with. I will tell you, age makes no difference when it comes to betrayal. It happens on all age levels. Men and women both violate each other and education and wealth doesn’t matter.

My advice to you is: “Move on!” Don’t waste a lot of time and energy on the person who has betrayed you. There will always be a Judas walking around looking for a victim, don’t let that person be you!

Do you have any Judas’s in your life that you need to let go of? Are you fearful of those who have betrayed you and don’t know what to do? Do you need to confront someone that has betrayed you and need help in planning how to confront them? Are you dealing with bitterness from someone that has betrayed you and need help in moving on? If you answered yes to any of these questions give Dr. Mike a call he can help you! Call him at 303.456.0555

Remember Teddy Roosevelt, Jackie Robinson and Helen Keller? Are you familiar with their life stories? All these folks overcame huge obstacles in their lives. Teddy Roosevelt had severe health issues. Jackie Robinson had racism to deal with, and Helen Keller was blind and mute. If these people can overcome life’s challenges, then you certainly can too. It’s up to you! You have to believe in yourself and make things happen in your life.

I counsel men and women who blame the negative circumstances in their lives for their ongoing faults and failures. For example, they blame their divorce for the many reasons they can’t move on. I tell them that divorce is not the end of the world, but the beginning of a new chapter in life. There are times your life is going to change. Some days it’s not going to be comfortable and you will lose sleep over it. I want you to look at today and what your future holds for you. You have to grow where you are planted, as my mother would always say. We have a choice to pout and do nothing or get back up and move on to our next adventure.

I have clients who say that their disabilities prevent them from doing the things they have dreamed of. I understand that someone who has had a spine injury will most likely not play in the NFL. The physical limitations that we have to live with can restrict us from doing some activities. Take a look at Joni Erickson Tada and how she has overcome being paralyzed from the neck down. As a teenager, she enjoyed riding horses, hiking, tennis, and swimming. In July of 1967, she dove into a shallow area in the Chesapeake Bay and broker her neck. She had a fracture between her fourth and fifth cervical and became a quadriplegic. During her two years of intense rehabilitation, according to her own words, she experienced anger, depression, suicidal thoughts, and religious doubts. She was angry at life and was very discouraged. How many of you can relate with Joni?
Then something amazing happened in her life. She accepted her unfortunate circumstances and became victorious over them. She learned how to write and paint. By placing the paintbrush between her teeth and has created some incredible paintings. She has also written several books-40 to be exact-and has her own radio show. She has led the way for many who are disabled and has given them the encouragement to step out of the role of being a victim. Of you are using your physical disability or your aches and pains to prevent you from fulfilling your dreams, look no further than Joni Erickson Tada.

Another excuse I hear often is that some folks feel they can’t do what they want because of their lack of education. Many use this “victim card” which prevents them from becoming successful. I understand that many don’t have the education they want because of bad grades or lack money to go to a college, trade or a tech school. It’s never too late to go back to school. We may have to work several jobs in order to do so, but if there is a will there is a way. It’s up to you to make things happen. I have seen some disadvantaged high school students make it through college on sheer determination. They planned out their life and made their dreams happen because they didn’t want to be a victim of their circumstances. Many have successful careers as doctors and lawyers.

Do you want to better your life and don’t know how? Are you using the victim card as an excuse to not better yourself? Do you want to know the difference between being a victim and a victor? Do you want to know the traits of a winner and apply them to your life so you can be successful too? If you answered yes to any of these questions give Dr. Mike a call he can help you.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call at 303.456.0555. You’ll be glad you did!

Growing up in an alcoholic home was challenging. The verbal and physical abuse that my sister and I endured will be forever be etched in my mind. This is a story of how two siblings learned how to embrace their roles in life. One for the better and the other well…let’s just say they lived with a cloud over their head!

I was always fighting against my parents and their drinking as far back as I can remember. My mother would often be drunk when I came home from school and I never knew what to expect. On the rare occasions, when she was sober, I would walk into the front door she would have the “June Cleaver” sweetness that I longed for. I could smell dinner in the oven and could carry on a decent conversation with her. These were indeed rare days for my sister and I.

I can also remember when my mother was drunk. I was often punished for things I didn’t do. She would send me to my room for hours at a time. I would keep to myself and read any books I could get my hands on. I planned for these times so I went to the used book store and bought all kinds of books. I read medical, history, and science books. Time spent reading helped me through the difficult days when I was unjustly punished.

My sister, on the other hand, would destroy her room when she was sent there for punishment. She would play her music extremely loud and, as she grew older, would steal my parent’s liquor and get drunk in her room. When my dad came home from work he would see the damage she had done and would force corporal punishment on her.

How did reading books help me through those very dark days? It gave me the freedom to see the world through a different set of eyes. Even at the age of 12 I knew I didn’t want to be like my parents. I refused to be a victim and knew that I wanted to make something of my life. The hours, days and weeks of reading encyclopedias, dictionaries and science books were a relief for me even though there was ugliness going on outside my bedroom door. As I grew up, I learned to enjoy playing football with my neighborhood friends after school. I realized this was just one more way to avoid spending too much time at home. One day at school, my freshman physical education teacher introduced all of the boys to weight lifting. That really sparked an interest in me! I had found another positive activity that reduced the amount of time I spent at home.

It saddens me to this day to know that my sister became an alcoholic at the tender age of 14. She went to parties during the week, skipped school, began smoking, and rarely was at home. Our lives went different directions. Her life mirrored my parents and I was making life happen my way.

My circumstances could have overwhelmed me but instead I chose to use them to help me overcome my home environment. I knew I wasn’t going to allow alcohol to control me. I wanted nothing to do with it. I saw what it was doing to my family and I didn’t like it. I have had many people ask me over the years, how I avoided the temptation of drinking. I can honestly say the many nights of watching my mother get drunk burned a desire in my heart to live a different kind of life. More importantly, I know God’s hand of protection was over me. I wanted to create my own path to freedom. That’s when I made the decision to immerse myself into reading, sports and school. It was my only hope of keeping my sanity.

I hear so many stories of people who feel trapped by their circumstances and they don’t know how to get out. They eventually accept their destination in life and live the lie! My friends, you don’t have to live as a victim. You can live a life victoriously. Are you willing to make changes that can get you out of the role as a victim? I saw where my life was headed and I didn’t want to go there, even as a 12 year old boy. It was up to me to take that first step. I had no idea how to do it, but I knew I didn’t want to live a life or be like my parents. I had to fight my own way out of the box.

The key for me was looking to the future and asking these questions:
•    What did I want to do with my life?
•    How was I going to get there?
•    What kind of situations (drinking, smoking, parties) did I want to avoid?
•    What kind of people did I want to be around?

I watched my sister’s life go downhill after the age of 14. She hung with the bad crowd, drank to excess and refused parental supervision. She stole from my parents and from me, rarely attended school, and was gone for days at a time. I couldn’t help her. I was too young and I was trying to figure out what I had to do to survive myself. It’s never too late to stop being a victim.

Many of us feel like victims due to the following
•    Difficult marriages and relationships
•    Circumstances out of our control
•    Alcohol and drug abuse
•    Lack of money and poor investments
•    Health, disease and weight issues
•    Work
•    Stress and bad behavior

These are just a few that I see when I counsel and coach people. It’s amazing to me how many people accept being a victim and don’t realize they don’t have to be a victim any longer

What is My Purpose in Life?

In Part two of “What is My Purpose in Life?” we will continue to help you find meaning in life. Most of us struggle with this question at some point in our lives. If you’re looking for answers then continue reading. You’ll see what is in store for your future. Giving of your time will help you discover what your purpose in life really is.

An expectant mother will often wonder what her purpose in life is while carrying her baby. A new father will wonder, in today’s trying times, “What is my purpose in life as a parent?” We all want to be good parents. In fact, most of us want to be great parents. Is it not true that we want to be loving, kind and supportive parents? Of course we do! We want to provide for our families by providing food, shelter, and resources for our children’s education. It’s a fact that some parents have no idea what it really takes to be a good parent, but overall, most new parents feel a new sense of personal responsibility in providing love and protection for their child.

Most of us have learned how to turn bad situations into meaningful opportunities. For example, you may get a call from a friend or family member who is ill and is in need of your help. Your purpose is to help and support that person with their physical needs. It might mean taking them to the doctor’s office or maybe doing some grocery shopping for them. Helping others helps fulfill your calling and adds meaning to your life. Many will spend their life wondering what difference they can make in their own life and the lives of others. By helping others, you can make a huge difference in how you feel about yourself and the people you help.

If you’re looking for a way to find meaning to your life and need some ideas, start with looking for someone who needs you, someone who counts on you to help them with physical needs, or just needs a friendly phone call to check up on them. This, my friends, will help you define what your purpose in life is. Giving to others will make you feel like you are contributing to your self-worth and the worth of others.

Are you ready to find meaning by helping others? Are you trying to figure out what your purpose in life is and need help in doing so? Do you feel out-of-sorts because you need direction in your life? Do you want to fulfill a dream and need help in doing so? Are you afraid to make plans because you often change your mind and are not sure of your next step? If you answered yes to any of these questions then give Dr. Mike a call. He can help you!

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Are you struggling today trying to figure out what your purpose in life is? Unfortunately, many people are thinking about this very thing while they are getting up in the morning or on their way to work. High School and college students are wondering about that very question while sitting in class. The aged parents who wait to hear from one of their children or grandchildren to call, think about this. The woman waiting for the judge to call her name for her divorce from her husband will ponder this as she sits in the courtroom. That is the million dollar question many will ask themselves today. Do you know what your purpose in life is?

We are not given any guarantees of how long we will live, or how long we will be married, or how long our health or money will last. Many think about years they wasted. They may wonder if life has passed them by and why were put here and for what purpose. The big question many will ask, “Why are we here?”

I remember asking that question of a friend of mine while walking to one of our college classes. “What the heck are you here for?” I asked him. He said he didn’t know but he knew he needed to be in class. It was during that time that I remember hearing some classmates debating the question in the library. “What is our purpose in life?” Several were going to be teachers and surmised that being a teacher was their calling, while others had no clue what they wanted to do with their lives and were only there because their parents told them they had to go to college. Isn’t college a place where you’re supposed to figure this stuff out?

I am one of the fortunate ones who knew early in life what my purpose in life was. I was the kid who always wanted to encourage and help someone who was hurting. I shared a story with you a while back while living on the South Side of Chicago that bears repeating. While in 5th grade, I had a classmate, Kevin, who was paralyzed from the waist down and in a wheelchair. He was disfigured and had only a few years to live. He was a large kid even as a 5th grader. Not many of the kids in our school talked with him because of the way he looked. I wanted to be his friend and had some great talks with him during recess. He shared with me one day that he always wanted to ride a bike. It was a dream for him.

Then one day I got an idea that I would help him to ride my bike. I would balance him on the bike while I held onto the handle bars and back seat. It was a Saturday morning when I rode my bike over to his house. I knocked on the door expecting his mother to answer so I could let her know of my foolish idea. To my surprise, Kevin answered the door. He told me his mom was at the grocery store and wouldn’t be back for a while. I told him of my idea and of course, he was all for it. He put his coat on and we proceeded to roll him out the front door to the front stoop. I was trying to figure out how I would get him to sit on the bike without it falling over. After all I didn’t want either one of us getting hurt. Being the creative kids that we were, we finally figured out a way to get my friend on my bike. It wasn’t easy and it took great effort on both of our parts to make it happen. I hung on for dear life as he managed to steer my bike all the while I tried holding him up and pushing the bike at the same time. The joy and happiness he expressed was heartwarming. He shouted and laughed, waving to his neighbors saying, “Look at me, I’m riding a bike!” He never fell off the bike and with all my strength I made sure he had the ride of his life. I’m not sure how long he and I walked up and down the side streets where he lived, but I knew I was helping someone fulfill their dream. Not long after that his mother drove into the driveway and rushed out of her car screaming at me for having her disabled son on my bike. I pushed the bike by the door stoop and she helped him into his wheel chair. She yelled at me and told me to go home. I felt pretty bad and walked my bike home, wondering what I had done wrong. It was a cool fall day with clouds and a fine mist starting to fall but it fit my mood of despair. I was too embarrassed to tell my parents what I had done and what Kevin’s mother had said to me. That was the last time I ever saw Kevin. His mother pulled him out of Algonquin Grade School and the last I had heard, he had passed away the following year. That’s when I realized as a 5th grader that I did have a purpose in life, and that was to help others who had dreams but needed my help in making them happen.

Since that day, I have helped thousands who have asked for my help in making their marriages work, dreams come alive, overcome hurts, create new lives, find themselves, repair relationships and end relationships. I have been blessed by helping so many people.

Are you trying to figure out what your purpose in life is and need help in doing so? Do you feel out of sorts because you need direction in your life? Do you want to fulfill a dream and need help in doing so? Are you afraid to make plans because you often change your mind and are not sure what the next step is? If you answered yes to any of these questions then give Dr. Mike a call he can help you!

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!