The Consequences of Delay (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks As I was talking with one of my clients on the phone a while back we spoke about how waiting could cost her the marriage she desperately wanted to save. Our conversation went like this “I’m waiting for the right time to tell my husband we need counseling for our marriage.” She never wanted to disrupt his routine or cause him problems in their marriage. He was demanding, disrespectful to her and their children…yet she felt that there would be a perfect time to suggest that they get marriage counseling. Well, I’m here to tell you she never found that perfect time to tell him that they needed marriage counseling. The wait for the perfect time never panned out for her and today they are divorced. If she would have acted immediately when she felt the need for counseling/coaching possibly her marriage could been saved. Who knows, but I can say that she would have felt better at least knowing she tried when she felt the urge to get help. The consequences of delay can harm you in many ways. Confront it now and don’t wait for the perfect time, don’t think that the problem will resolve itself and go away. It’s better to be in control when confronting a problem before it gets out of control. Here are my tips for dealing with the consequences of delay.

• When you notice that you’re starting to put off a task that needs to be done today..stop thinking that way..get it done today. Don’t put it off.

• If you have relationship issues, get help immediately..at least call for yourself. There is no perfect time, get help now!

• If you feel that your health is a concern, go to the doctor now! The delay can cost you your life.

• If you feel the need to make things right with someone, go to that person and talk with them with a humble heart.

• If you feel someone needs a helping hand, physically or financially go help them. You may be their only hope.

For many people time is of the essence, your delay can cost others some great pain that they might not unnecessarily need to go through. If you know of a family struggling with needing food, go help. If you know of someone who is alone and needs your company and encouragement go talk with them. Be giving of your time. You can help intercede for some folks who can’t help themselves with the consequences of delay. If you see a need that you can provide for someone then feel free to help them. Many in our lives may need our help in solving their problems. Can you be that person who can help them avoid the consequences of delay? If you can reach out and help them. In closing I just want to say that you are pretty much in control of what happens to you during your lifetime. You pick and chose the path you walk and will suffer the consequences with the choices you make. Many seek help from our creator during our lifetime for conflicts, heartaches, or just a friend to talk to. Use common sense in your delays if you don’t you could be headed in for some trouble. Do you need help in finding out what causes you to delay issues in your life? Are you afraid of the consequences of delay? Do you need help in how to stop delaying problems that you face? If you answered yes to any of these questions Dr. Mike can help you solve some of these problems. Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means for counseling and coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

When someone knows that they are intentionally hurting someone and yet continue to do so I call that a form of a severed conscious. You may ask what can I do about someone who continues to hurt me and not show any remorse for their actions. If you can’t reason with them and they don’t care then it’s time to move on. You know my feelings about high maintenance people if they can’t be reasoned with then cut them out of your life. I say the same thing about the person who has a severed conscious. Bid them adieu. Say goodbye and move on. Maybe down the road they will realize how they treated you and wake up and want to make amends with you. You can’t waste your time and energy on these people. If they are willing to seek counseling then by all means work with them and see what happens. This is where you must have your boundaries to protect yourself and family from getting hurt from someone who has a severed conscious. The wounded folks left behind can be found everywhere. If you know of anyone who has been wounded and abandoned by one of these individuals, then encourage them to look for the good in the people they are close to. Don’t let them focus on the bad people do to them but on the good in people in their lives. Life can be difficult and certainly can be even harder if we allow these people in our lives. I can think of several movies that have someone with a severed conscious as a main character. Any come to mind. Scrooge comes to mind and the movie tells the story of a hardened rich person and his lack of compassion and understanding. Next week we will read about an young athlete who had it all and lost it when he became self absorbed in himself and his lifestyle. Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Have we become so hardened towards each other that we just don’t care anymore? I see acts of random kindness all over the place but yet I see hardened people walking about as well. You wonder have they been wounded as children? Have there been broken promises from someone they trusted and loved only to be disappointed repeatedly and this is the reason for their behavior? I had a couple in my office years ago who were talking about getting a divorce. The husband wanted the marriage to work while the wife was indifferent to repairing it. We sat down and talked. The husband was articulate and able to express himself very well. The wife just sat there and said nothing. She listened then finally said what was on her mind. She preferred to be in her own world. She lived in the spare bedroom, had her TV and all her books. She was cold and harsh when sharing her wants and desires. In the biblical sense there was no reason for a divorce. There was no adultery, no physical or emotional abuse. No drugs or alcohol issues. She left the marriage and her family behind. This couple had been married 54 years. She had no explanation for leaving the marriage just excuses. When they got divorced she moved out and had no communication with any of the family. The entire family is left with the question “what did we do?” How do you explain the above story? I call it severing of the conscious. I see this in my office weekly. The only problem is that the people I see are often left with no explanation as to why they have been abandoned emotionally or physically. It’s practically impossible to get answers from those who have that severed conscious and don’t care and why waste your time? Next week we will go over thoughts on how to deal with these people. Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Why is it when men or women or anyone for that matter continue to hurt others for no apparent reason and don’t care? Let’s face it, I have seen some pretty ruthless people hurt others over my lifetime. They attack, accuse, and blame people in their own family and circle of friends. Most of these people are hard, cold and very calculating. This form of bad behavior is everywhere. I have seen it in my office, while shopping for grocery’s, even at the movie theaters. Other people notice it as well and rarely will say anything. I was pushing my grocery cart at King Soopers when a lady in her 40’s saw me coming in the produce section cut in front of me and just stopped. She looked at me and didn’t move her cart. She opened her purse pulled out her shopping list and started to look it over. When I started to go around her she cut me off again. I wasn’t the only one she did this to. I saw her do this to a few other shoppers. You wonder why? This woman was a minor player when it comes to people with a severed conscious. There are some pretty mean people out there and I’m sure you know some as well. What do you do when you have someone in your sphere of influence who walks away from their family? Or someone who has a family member who is ill and offers no help? Here is one woman who was nicked named “The Queen Of Mean” Leona Helmsley. She was a ruthless and calculating woman, she became impossibly cruel to employees and family. Leona Helmsley died of heart failure at her summer home in Greenwich, Connecticut on August 20, 2007 at the age of 87. In her will, she left $12 million to her dog, a Maltese named Trouble, while denying two of her grandchildren “for reasons that are known to them.” In 2008, a judge awarded the disowned grandchildren $6 million, and cut Trouble’s share to $2 million. In private, as it turned out, the grinning monarch wasn’t just demanding but despotic. Throughout her life, Leona left a trail of ruin—embittered relatives, fired employees and fatefully, unpaid taxes. Throughout her life, Leona Helmsley demonstrated not just a lack of affection for her fellow-humans but an absence of understanding as well. She was hated by many and showed very little lack of compassion for the hurting people she knew. In next weeks article we will look at the hardened people we live and work with and how to deal with them. Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Living in the mountains has some incredible advantages. The views, nature in all it’s glory. I live on the side of a mountain that has plenty of wild flowers. My place has some of the finest wild flowers this side of heaven. The colors bust forth with florescent yellows, reds, purples, and blues. The wild rose bushes on our place produces some of the best fragrances known to man. I also keep the little grass that I have manicured and cut short. Mind you it’s no more then the size of a 20 x 20 square patch. It’s mowed with my push mower that I got as a gift one year. I want this little patch to look like a manicured golf course. I take pride in it. If the dogs leave a chewed up stick on the lawn I immediately pick it up. Before company comes I will go out and make one more grass cut to make it look nice. The back meadow has some fine tall grass and the elk love it as well. It’s never mowed on a regular basis. I weed whack it once a year at best and near the Brooks BBQ time on Labor day. One morning in August I went out to check the live stock and off the back deck I saw the dreaded Canadian thistle with the purple flower growing in the tall grass. It was about 3 feet tall and slightly hidden behind the pine tree. I don’t like weeds at all. They’re a nuisance and hard to remove. When I saw the one Canadian thistle I looked around and saw many more all over the back meadow. I was horrified. They were outta control. I went and got my shovel and commenced to digging them up. I knew if I didn’t get these weeds they would consume my entire back meadow. As I was digging them up the weed pile got bigger and bigger. How could I not notice all the grown weeds over the past few months? There were 100’s of them. When I thought that I had them all removed I would see more up on the upper part of our meadow. After spending several hours of ridding the place of Canadian thistles I was tired and took a break and drank my refreshing glass of iced tea. As I glanced over the entire area of the lower meadow and back yard and felt a sigh of relief. Then I thought what about the weeds we allow in our personal lives. The people who are consuming of our time and resources. Those who do not listen to good common sense and continue to live in a world of turmoil. The people who are takers and give noting in return. The ones who continually take advantage of others including yourself. Is it time we get those kind of weeds out of our lives? Like your yard, for most of us we get rid of the weeds that will take over our beautiful yard. I think for the sanity for yourself and family it’s time to make some personal changes with the people or situations you are involved in. If there is and you need help in doing so contact Dr. Mike he can help you. Do you need some advice on eliminating unhealthy people out of your life. Are you ready to take the next step and clean out the messy situations you are facing? Don’t live in a life that you can’t stand anymore..there is hope.

Don’t you love it when you see a classic comedy and you hear people say things that make you cringe yet you’re laughing out loud. The movie Dumb and Dumber was that movie for me. I laughed pretty much during the whole movie..one of my favorite lines was “Harry: “What’s her last name? I can look it up.” Lloyd: “Swim, Swammi, Slippy, Slappy, Swenson?… Swanson?” Harry: “Maybe it’s on the briefcase.” Lloyd: “Oh yeah! It’s right here. Samsonite! Man I was way off. I knew it started with S though.”

You have two guys who are trying to win the heart of a beautiful woman and yet say the dumbest things. They attack each other in the silliest ways. In real life I have heard people say the dumbest things while in my office and I cringed while hearing them. We all have said something we regret and wish we could take the words back. But once the words leave your lips and the hearer has just processed what you said is when the repair work begins.

I have said plenty of dumb or stupid things during my life. I remember when I was in my early 20’s when I asked a woman when she was expecting. Well my friends, she wasn’t expecting and I got an ear full and learned a life lesson…when in doubt “don’t say anything.”

I have some friendly advice for you that will keep you out of trouble. First size up the situation and think before you speak. And make sure that the person you’re talking to doesn’t have body guards or family around. Seriously, if you have any doubts about what your about to say and it may offend someone, then don’t.

But for those of you who don’t pay heed to my advice then the next step is to figure out how have you wounded the person you either insulted, humiliated, embarrassed or shamed by your remark. Look at the facial expression, body language, or how they respond verbally to you. If you know that what you said was inappropriate then damage control is in order.

I was in a committee meeting a while back and was taking notes when one of the board members said something to another member. I thought I heard something outta line but I was more into taking notes. How I knew it was bad was when the insulted board member said “How dare you!” I looked up to see this woman get up and walk around the table and confront her would be “foot in the mouth” red faced and embarrassed man. I sat back in my chair and wondered how this was going to play out. The man repeatedly said I’m sorry over and over again. I’m sorry is only a start but didn’t help his situation. She walked out of the meeting and yelled “I quit the board.”

When you say something stupid you better apologize and be sincere about it johnny on the spot. If you know you have hurt someone with your words you can’t pretend you didn’t say and go on with life like nothing happened. Looking back, you probably had an idea what you were about to say would hurt someone. A genuine apology can help you and the insulted person come to terms and you both can sit down and talk about the problems you may have. This is very healing if the offended one can get over the initial shock of what you said. Remember we all have said stupid things during our lifetime. The sooner you apologize the better. The reason for this is it looks and feels like it’s from the heart. Waiting to apologize later will cause hard feelings between you both.

When this woman left the board room the guy started making excuses of why he said what he did. He looked pretty foolish to the group. Excuses have no part of being sincere with a stupid remark. You said it and it belongs to you. Admit you were wrong accept full reasponsibility for your actions. How hard is that? Apparently pretty hard for some people.

I had a friend say something out of line to me, I have pretty thick skin and wasn’t bothered by what he said. I think he realized after he said it, he was wrong as some of my friends confronted him on the spot. He took responsibility for what he said and apologized. Then he started making excuses for what he said thus voiding his apology. So when you say something stupid apologize and leave it at that. Don’t have a come back with:

• Why are you so sensitive about what I said.
• Really, you’re upset about what I said, get over it.
• You have said those things to me.
• it’s the truth isn’t it?
• What does it matter.
• I was angry and it just kinda came out.
• Kinda thinned skin aren’t ya!
• That would never bother me.

I have some friends who have to process what was said before a reaction comes forth. Some will immediately react and deal with it immediately while others will take their time and decide how they should react. When you start putting a time frame when you think someone should get over your foot in mouth statement then there is going to be a problem.

Do you need help in healing a broken relationship? Is there someone that you want to reconnect with and want help in making that happen. Are you grieving over a broken relationship and need help in moving on? If you answered yes to any of these questions give Dr. Mike a call he can help you 303.456.0555.