What Are Your Auto Responders? (2) We have all probably received an “auto responder” which was sent to us automatically in reply to an email we sent. This tool is used, for example, to provide a confirmation email when you purchase tickets or merchandise from an online store. Today, we are picking up where we left off last week where we were discussing, how at times, we may be verbally assaulted or have our integrity questioned, and in the heat of the moment, say things we later regret, as in an auto responder. As an example, in your circle of friends, there may be a pecking order. Many times you will see a few horse playing around where some in the group will start picking on the quiet ones and tease them. Many times a remark may be said in jest but may be taken the wrong way by those to whom it was directed. Pushed too hard, look out! If this group doesn’t know how to control their auto responders, hurtful words will start to fly. In fact, they may say some things that may be extremely hurtful. Hard feelings will happen and the friendship becomes fractured, never to be the same. We all react to attacks or uncomfortable situations differently. Some of us become silent, while others are just itching for a verbal altercation. For me personally, I like to step back and size up what was said and why. I can do this in a matter of seconds. I have trained myself to “weigh what I say”. What is the point of throwing out some verbal jab when you have no intention of following up with another one? It just makes matters worse for you and it inflames the situation. Believe me, most of us have said something as a response that we wish we could take back, right? I remember sitting at a restaurant while waiting for my meal, when the couple sitting next to me began to argue. I didn’t hear the beginning of their conversation but I and everyone in the restaurant heard the end of it. As she stood up and threw her white napkin down on the table, obviously frustrated with him, she stammered, trying to find the right words to get him to stop and listen to her. All the while he was making snide remarks and laughing at her as they got up and left the restaurant. All she had to do to take control of the situation was use her auto responder to say what she had to say and then get up and leave. There is no point in debating with someone who is being disrespectful to you. Make sure they understand it a moot point to debate you while they are being disrespectful and then walk away. Auto responders can prevent arguments if you know how to use them effectively. Instead of arguing, try using your auto responder. For example, let’s say you have someone who wants to argue with you and you simply don’t want to go there. Simply say “I’m sorry but I don’t want to argue, I’m having a great day and want to keep it that way.” Or, “Nope, I’m not going there, got to go.” There are many ways you to prevent an argument. Just make sure that you have an auto responder ready before you need it. Don’t incite someone wanting to debate or argue with you. Simply walk away. Many people have lost everything by the way they respond to others. Marriages have ended because of the way one or the other shoots off at their mouth. People have been murdered, injured and have made lifetime enemies just by responding with rude or smartelic comebacks. You don’t need to do that. Learn to use your auto responders wisely. They will keep you out of trouble. If you need help in learning on how to use auto responders call Dr. Mike. Do you struggle with keeping quiet when you want so much to fire back with a harsh remark? Have you gotten yourself into trouble by the things you have said to others? Do you need to learn how to control what you say and how you say it? Have you lost friendships over some of the things you have said and want help in repairing those friendships? If you answered yes to any of these questions you need to call Dr. Mike! Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

What Are Your Auto Responders? (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks We have all probably received an “auto responder” which was sent to us automatically in reply to an email we sent. This tool is used, for example, to provide a confirmation email when you purchase tickets or merchandise from an online store. Today, we are picking up where we left off last week where we were discussing, how at times, we may be verbally assaulted or have our integrity questioned, and in the heat of the moment, say things we later regret, as in an auto responder. As an example, in your circle of friends, there may be a pecking order. Many times you will see a few horse playing around where some in the group will start picking on the quiet ones and tease them. Many times a remark may be said in jest but may be taken the wrong way by those to whom it was directed. Pushed too hard, look out! If this group doesn’t know how to control their auto responders, hurtful words will start to fly. In fact, they may say some things that may be extremely hurtful. Hard feelings will happen and the friendship becomes fractured, never to be the same. We all react to attacks or uncomfortable situations differently. Some of us become silent, while others are just itching for a verbal altercation. For me personally, I like to step back and size up what was said and why. I can do this in a matter of seconds. I have trained myself to “weigh what I say”. What is the point of throwing out some verbal jab when you have no intention of following up with another one? It just makes matters worse for you and it inflames the situation. Believe me, most of us have said something as a response that we wish we could take back, right? I remember sitting at a restaurant while waiting for my meal, when the couple sitting next to me began to argue. I didn’t hear the beginning of their conversation but I and everyone in the restaurant heard the end of it. As she stood up and threw her white napkin down on the table, obviously frustrated with him, she stammered, trying to find the right words to get him to stop and listen to her. All the while he was making snide remarks and laughing at her as they got up and left the restaurant. All she had to do to take control of the situation was use her auto responder to say what she had to say and then get up and leave. There is no point in debating with someone who is being disrespectful to you. Make sure they understand it a moot point to debate you while they are being disrespectful and then walk away. Auto responders can prevent arguments if you know how to use them effectively. Instead of arguing, try using your auto responder. For example, let’s say you have someone who wants to argue with you and you simply don’t want to go there. Simply say “I’m sorry but I don’t want to argue, I’m having a great day and want to keep it that way.” Or, “Nope, I’m not going there, got to go.” There are many ways you to prevent an argument. Just make sure that you have an auto responder ready before you need it. Don’t incite someone wanting to debate or argue with you. Simply walk away. Many people have lost everything by the way they respond to others. Marriages have ended because of the way one or the other shoots off at their mouth. People have been murdered, injured and have made lifetime enemies just by responding with rude or smartelic comebacks. You don’t need to do that. Learn to use your auto responders wisely. They will keep you out of trouble. If you need help in learning on how to use auto responders call Dr. Mike. Do you struggle with keeping quiet when you want so much to fire back with a harsh remark? Have you gotten yourself into trouble by the things you have said to others? Do you need to learn how to control what you say and how you say it? Have you lost friendships over some of the things you have said and want help in repairing those friendships? If you answered yes to any of these questions you need to call Dr. Mike! Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

What are your Auto-responders? (1) How many times have you been caught off guard by what someone said about you? I sure have! So, let me ask you, how should we respond to an verbal insult or someone that questions our motives in private or out in public? Maybe we didn’t like what something was said about us and it wasn’t true. Or, we simply didn’t like what we were hearing and we got angry. I think it’s pretty easy to cut to the bone with our comeback remarks. When we knowingly hurt the person who said something to us that we didn’t like to hear, then it’s time to question our motives. I hear and see this behavior all the time in my office or on the phone calls I take. Most people will respond out of hurt or embarrassment to a snarky remark directed at them. We’ve all done it and yes even to some of the people we love and respect. I think Abraham Lincoln was the king of come backs of auto-responders in the political world. During his debates with Douglas he would use his humorous auto responders to engage with Douglas. Not to belittle Douglas but to drive a point home on his personal values and principles to the American people. Douglas would personally attack Lincoln on his appearance and size. And Lincoln kept his cool under pressure and said nothing that made him look foolish but engaged the people with his wit and humor. He was wise in using his auto responders and it kept him out of trouble. How effective are auto responders and when can I use them you may ask? They can be used anytime at home, in any and all relationships, even at work. Auto responders are used to disarm people who are verbally putting you down. Thus giving you time to excuse yourself and leave. It’s that simple. In many marriage conflicts there are many unhealthy exchanges between spouses that become battle grounds inside the home. Fights can last for days and weeks if allowed. These kind of knee jerk verbal exchanges can inflict a great deal of pain and cause marriage separation and divorce. Many of you know how I feel about saying things that hurt others and my saying is this “taste it before you say it.” If your words are going to hurt someone by what you say, then don’t say it! What is the purpose of your snarky comeback, is it to hurt someone for saying something you didn’t like to hear? Is it meant to demean someone and put them in their place? Keep in mind with your choice of your words don’t put someone down when they’re discouraged and hurting, it may cause bitterness between you that could last a lifetime. Many people have lost everything by the way they respond to others. Marriages have ended because of mouthy comebacks. People have been murdered, injured, made lifetime enemies…just by responding with snarky or harmful comebacks. You don’t need to do that. Learn to use your auto responders wisely. They will keep you out of trouble. If you need help in learning on how to use auto responders call Dr. Mike. Do you struggle with keeping quiet when you want so much to fire back with a snarky remark? Have you gotten yourself into trouble by the things you have said to others? Do you need to learn how to control what you say and how you say it? Have you lost friendships over some of the things you have said and want help in repairing those friendships? If you answered yes to any of these questions you can call Dr. Mike and get help. Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

No one’s going to respect you till you respect yourself (4) Here are some tips on how to show respect towards others and gain the confidence of a spouse, family member or friend while doing it. Remember this is an area we all need to work on. · Show gratitude to others. Thank them for helping or assisting you on a regular basis. People like to know they are appreciated. You can thank them by a phone call, e-mail, texts. That is showing respect towards others by thanking them. · Try to look at other peoples perspectives. We all have opinions and different idea’s listen to what is being said, that shows respect. · Don’t judge people before you really know them. Don’t jump to conclusions or attack them personally. We all have to respect each other. · If you can’t say anything nice about someone, then don’t say anything. Be respectful towards everyone you meet or come into contact with. · Don’t gossip, be respectful and keep quiet about people you may not agree with or not like. · Respect yourself, hang around people that are better then you are. If you have people in your life that tear you down, then get better people in your life. Avoid self-destructive behaviors. If you drink too much then get help. If self-discipline is an area you need help then get help. · Show respect for your personal time and the time of others. If you say you’re going to do something do it! Respect the times of your family, friends business acquaintances. If you have an appointment with someone be on time, that shows respect for the people you’re meeting with. These are just a few tips that can help you learn how to respect yourself and others. Your words reflect on who you are and how you treat others. So make an effort on being sensitive to others emotions and what you say and do. We all want to be treated with respect. Remember someone is always watching you from afar. Do you have a hard time respecting others at home, work or with your friends? Do you feel disrespected at home by your spouse or children? Do you feel disrespected at work and want help in stopping it? If you answered yes to any of these questions give dr Mike a call today he can help you!

I asked my client at one of our meetings..”Do you respect yourself?” He responded by saying ya, I do. I am a fun loving guy who is good looking and has a nice job. I have a lot to offer any woman I date. She’s getting a great deal when she dates me. “So, yes I respect myself.” It was several weeks before I heard from him, then out of the blue I got a call and he was crying over the phone and really upset. He stopped by and shared that he was in love with a wonderful woman and she broke up with him! He said that she was everything he wanted in a potential marriage partner. She was caring, compassionate, understanding, loving, kind and fun to be with. They did all kinds of things together, concerts, hiking, dances, eating out. They had great talks and were madly in love. So I asked him what happened? Well, he said. When I first met her she had a great figure. As we dated I noticed that she was putting some weight on and I mentioned to her that she should start exercising to lose weight. I like my women just the right size he told her. She stood up looked at him and said “really” and walked right out of his life right then and there. He was shocked and thought that they had a great relationship and why would she want to end it. He cried as he shared this story. He wanted her back and didn’t know what to do. Then a light bulb went on after we met several times. He now realized how he mistreated all the women he dated. He said to me “how can I show respect to anyone when I have no respect for myself?” He hit rock bottom really fast. As he talked he opened up about the deep hurts he had in his life. He was a macho man on the outside but deeply wounded on the inside. He wanted people to think he was in full control when he actually wasn’t. People thought he had it together when they were around him but internally he was mush. He wanted so bad to get back together with this woman, he wept as he sat in my office during each visit. He was crushed and started to see how much of his behavior had caused this break-up. I asked him what did he do when she broke off their relationship? I reacted in a harsh way! I sent her texts and e-mails scolding her and chastising her. I attacked her, her family and her work. I was awful in my treatment of her. Then I would text her and tell her how much I loved her and wanted her back. She must have thought I was a nut case. When your true actions reveal the real intent of who you are you’re headed in for some real hard times. If your knowingly doing things out of disrespect, then stop now and get help before you do too much damage. Next week we will continue this story and what my client needed to do to get help for his disrespecting others. Do you have a hard time respecting others at home, work or with your friends? Do you feel disrespected at home by your spouse or children? Do you feel disrespected at work and want help in stopping it? If you answered yes to any of these questions give dr Mike a call today he can help you!

No one’s going to respect you till you respect yourself (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks What does respect mean in your everyday relationships? What do you think it means with your spouse and children? According to Urban Dictionary Respect: means valuing each other’s points of views. It means being open to being wrong. It means accepting people as they are. It means not dumping on someone because you’re having a bad day. It means being polite and kind always, because being kind to people is not negotiable. It means not dissing people because they’re different to you. It means not gossiping about people or spreading lies. In my opinion we are lacking respect for each other in today’s world. I see it every day as you do. We see it in each other, in our youth of today, at work, at the mall, at the grocery store and even when you’re driving. It’s all over the place. We are a society out of control. I had a client a few years back who punished the women he dated. He could be wonderful and caring to the women he dated but cruel and hurtful if they didn’t show him attention or focus entirely on him. He went from girlfriend to girlfriend not having a clue as to why they ended their short dating relationship with him. The longest time he has dated someone was 3 months. He stopped by the office one day and wanted to talk. He didn’t understand why he went from woman to woman and was not in a healthy lasting relationship. I asked him “Are you healthy for these women?” He looked at me like I was crazy! I asked him again, “Are you healthy to be in a relationship with these women?” He responded, “Well of course I am, why do you ask?” I looked at him and thought to myself, this man had no clue on how disrespectful he was to the women he dated. He would let them know how they needed to treat him. He put everything into the relationship and if it wasn’t going the way he thought it should he would say and do things to get a reaction from them. More often than not it would backfire on him and the woman would end the relationship right on the spot. My client would never admit he was wrong by his behavior to these women. A few of these ladies he dated would get a lecture from him about how they should lose some weight if they wanted to remain dating him. How do you think that went over? Like a lead balloon. I think it’s extremely important on how we treat people with our words and actions. So be careful with what you say and how you say it. Respect starts with you. Next week we will be looking at some of the things you say may be hurtful to others without you ever knowing it. Do you have a hard time respecting others at home, work or with your friends? Do you feel disrespected at home by your spouse or children? Do you feel disrespected at work and want help in stopping it? If you answered yes to any of these questions give dr Mike a call today he can help you!