How many men watch television, read the paper, or talk on the phone while their wives carry on a conversation with them, not realizing that not a single word was ever heard? I am guilty, as many of you men are as well. Letss look at why men and women don’t communicate very well.
First of all, we men are able to focus usually on one thing. It might be the television, or the newspaper. For someone to start talking and asking questions, is a no win for any husband or partner for that matter. I know several women who would just rather talk to the dog before they talk with their husbands. The dog will at least look at you when your speaking to it!
I had one woman in my office who was upset that her and her husband haven’t had any beneficial communication in years. “What did you talk about when you sat across from each other?” I asked. “We talk about our children, jobs, very little personal exchanges about our families or how we were feeling about each other.”
I then asked her, “Do you have a time planned that you can sit down with your husband and talk?” She answered, “No, we never sit down and talk.” “How would you like to engage in a fulfilling conversation?” I asked. She responded, “Can we set up an appointment so you can show us how to talk to each other?” “Sure!” I said. Building communication isn’t all that hard. It’s making sure that you have the tools to make it happen. Practice is very important, and if you don’t work at it, then you will not grow a healthy marriage or relationship.
Some men feel threatened when you want to have a face to face talk with them. The squared off position is like a stance for battle for some guys. Women don’t feel threatened at all by sitting and looking at each other when talking. They do it all the time when talking with each other. On the other hand, men will wonder if a date on the calendar means that’s when they will get blasted, or an argument will happen! Here are a few reasons why men have problems listening to women, these remarks are men clients!
1. Women talk too much.
Often women have so much to say that the pertinent facts get lost in the intricacies of the story. If a man has to listen to his wife intersperse what’s for dinner, with that cute top she saw at a store, how her sister is expecting a baby and she had a lousy day at work, he’s pretty unsure by the end of the first sentence, what hit him.
According to recent researches, women speak three times more than men. A woman says about 20 thousand words per day, so you can see why men don’t communicate as well as women. That’s OK, we men need to learn how to speak, listen and communicate better and that’s a fact.
2 Men have heard it all before.
Sometimes men think there’s nothing new they have to hear and automatically tune off mid-sentence. According to them, it’s just old wine in a new bottle.
3. Women complain and nag too much.
One of the most common complaints men have is that their partners continue to nag them. And since they’re used to the general trend of it, they don’t think there’s anything different about what they’re hearing.
4. Men don’t like to be controlled.
Men feel that if they listen to a woman in terms of following her instructions, it’s a sign that they are putty in her hands and that she’ll take undue advantage of the situation. Once he gives in to her demands, he’ll be the equivalent of a puppet on a string.
5. There are more serious matters to talk about!
If a woman is incessantly babbling in the background and a man is doing something far more important, at least to him, like watching a football game, the last thing he wants to do is turn off the television and tune in to his partner.
6. Some men have a short attention span.
Often, men cannot keep their focus on what a woman is saying for too long. They rarely have the patience to give women a listening ear for more than a certain amount of time, which is normally about 15 minutes at the most.
7. The topic is of little interest to them.
And then, of course, if she insists on raving about the designer watch her boss’ wife was sporting, or the chandelier earrings her friend’s rich boyfriend surprised her with, that’s really not something a man is interested in hearing.
Here are simple ways to communicate better with your husband or partner. You don’t necessarily have to square off for every talk that you have. You can do a project together, like painting a room, taking a walk and talking to each other while on your walk. Go to a movie and after the movie go out have a late dinner and talk about the movie. Take a ride out in the country, and talk as you drive and look at the scenery. The point that I am trying to make, is do things together that will enhance having fun and enjoyable communications.
Have you asked yourself these questions lately? Do you wish you could communicate better with your husband/partner? Are you afraid of deep committed conversation? Do you need better tools in the art of communication with your husband? Are you ready to take the next step and learn how to communicate with your husband? If you answered yes to any of these questions and would like some help, you can call and set up an appointment on the phone with Dr. Mike. You may ask, “How does the life and relationship coaching work over the phone?”
We will meet once a week, by phone, for a one on one conference, usually 45 minutes to an hour a session. In each phone conference we’ll plan and review, together, each of your “focus goals” and action areas. In each session, you’ll also receive support and guidance in creating the right attitudes and motivation in the areas that you want to work on most. Its very simple, and your privacy is protected at all times.
If you would like some help in dealing with personal issues in your life or the relationship that you’re in, you can contact Mike at 303.456.0555. If you need more information about the Professional Accountability Partner Program, call 303.456.0555 or go to contact Mike link to set up a free consultation appointment. Dr. Mike’s website is www.applicablecoaching.com all calls are confidential and your privacy is protected. Check out Mike’s blog at: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/ I always welcome your thoughts and comments on today’s coaching article. Mike is also available for speaking engagements.