I got a call from a friend who wanted some juicy gossip about a friend of ours. I listened and was pondering how I should address this situation. He started to share very personal details about our mutual friend. I said wait a minute, how about if we just go to Bob’s house and confront him and ask him if what your sharing is true! The silence on the other end was deafening. I waited for him to respond, and had to ask him, if he was still on the phone. He stammered and said he would not do such a thing. I asked why, and he said it would be embarrassing and upset our friend.
How many of us, participate in this type of behavior? I know I have been on the receiving end of gossip. I was working at UPS on the early morning shift, when one of my friends named Greg walked up to me during our 10 minute break, and said “hey, I heard you were kicking your wife out of the house!” I said “What, where did you hear that?” He said, from Mrs. Schultz. I was shocked, she attended my church, why would she ever say that? Then a few minutes later another friend of mine, walked up to me and asked if I was kicking my wife out of the house? Again, being a Norski and slow, I asked Tom who told him that? He said Mrs. Schultz. I was now very upset and angry. I couldn’t wait to get home and call this woman.
I called my pastor and asked what he thought that I should do, he said, I should confront her, so I called her and asked why in the world would she spread gossip about my wife and I? I told her that I was not asking my wife to leave, she was leaving on her own, for personal reasons. Here is this 70 year old woman gossiping and telling lies about me and my wife, and I was shocked someone this age would do such a thing. I asked her to stop gossiping, she was angry at me for confronting her and told me in no uncertain terms, she would say whatever she wanted to! I asked her, did telling lies give her power over someone that was innocent, did it make her feel important?
I explained to her that when gossiping and telling lies to others, was like throwing a rock into a clear calm lake, that she was spreading waves of gossip that can not be taken back. The waves of gossip literally destroy and wreck people’s lives and family’s. For some folks who gossip its for revenge, for others its being in the know and sharing information validates how important they want to feel. I’m not sure where this woman was coming from, but she caused big problems for my wife and I. We are now divorced, but this situation did not help us at all.
My next step in confronting her, was face to face and I did at church, she wanted nothing to do with me nor the pastor of my church. She left the church, and started her trouble making at another place of worship. I was saddened that she has not mended her ways.
So, what is the best way to deal with someone who has you in their sights? They want to take you down, some unknowingly and others with a vengeance. My other question is, are you the source of gossip and lying? Do you enjoy fueling the fire of discontentment? How do you feel, knowingly hurting others?
Here is my way in dealing with gossip and lying. First confront with facts, who told you what and when. You can bring the person that heard the gossip as a witness to what was said. When you do talk with them ask them to quit saying things about you or a situation that they are gossiping about. Sometimes this kind of confrontation will do nothing to resolve anything, but you will get the peace knowing that you tried to resolve your differences. That in itself is worth the effort to make things right, and at least you can sleep at night knowing that you gave it your all.
Gossip parts friends, family members and causes deep wounds that can last a lifetime. If you need help in resolving family conflict or conflict between a friend or co-worker, you can contact Dr. Mike for assistance. Do you have someone that you need to confront and are afraid to, or don’t know how? Is there unresolved guilt over gossip you have caused or spread? Do you need help in healing a broken relationship?
How does Life Coaching work?
You’ll meet once a week, by phone, for a one-on-one conference, usually 45 minutes a session. In each phone conference you’ll plan and review, together, each of your “Focus Goals” and action areas. In each session, you’ll also receive support and guidance in creating the right attitudes and motivation in the area’s that you want to work on most. In addition to the weekly phone conferences, you’ll also communicate by e-mail, so you’ll have help and support throughout the week.
If you would like some help in dealing with personal issues in your life or the relationship that you’re in, you can contact Mike at 303.456.0555. If you need more information about the Professional Accountability Partner Program, call 303.456.0555 or go to contact Mike link to set up a free consultation appointment. Dr. Mike’s website is www.applicablecoaching.com all calls are confidential and your privacy is protected. Check out Mike’s blog at: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/ I always welcome your thoughts and comments on today’s coaching article.