Is Separating a Good Thing? (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Did you know that separation can help some people recover from of infidelity? Think about it, trust is the biggest deal breaker in most relationships, right? Without it, there is really nothing that will keep a relationship together. Unfortunately, many marriages will have one of the spouse’s cheat on the other. It happens, and we can’t hide that fact. So, how does a trial separation help a couple dealing with an affair?

• An affair causes so much sadness; it’s like the death of two close friends. Infidelity is also similar to the death of a relationship. We grieve over the loss of trust especially from someone we are married to. An important fact to know that there is no time limit for someone grieving over their spouse that cheated on them. This is an important part of the healing process. It must happen for the healing to begin.
• Figuring out what caused the affair, this can be nerve-racking for the one cheated on. Many affairs start because of the lack of sex in the relationship, or the opportunity that someone couldn’t pass it up. Either way, I would suggest not going into detail about any part of the physical affair.
• Learning how to trust again by communication. The more open you are about your needs in your relationship, the deeper the trust level grows. Being open takes courage and letting go of your insecurities. I know trust is earned over a period of time, that is entirely up to you and your spouse how long this will be.
• Getting to know yourself during the separation period can open some doors, that long have been closed. Learning who you are during this process can reveal some of the things you need to work on. If you feel like your self-esteem has taken a hit, then, by all means, work on it, if self-discipline is another area that you need to spend time on, make it happen. Use this time to better yourself and learn to love yourself again.
• I would suggest not running off to find a lawyer to start the divorce paperwork. Take some time to think about your next steps. If a trial separation is something you may want to consider, then sit down and make some ground rules you both can live by.

Time does heal; it’s just a matter if you can work out the details and try to make your relationship work. I think people should at least give it a try and see what happens. I know some men and women will never agree to try after they have been cheated on. I understand that if they can’t, why try? It would only lead to heartache at the worst.

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Why Do Women Cheat on Men? (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Last week I posted this question on Facebook “why do women cheat on men?” The responses I received were amazing. Both men and women gave their opinions. It’s a universal problem we all deal with. We all know of someone who has cheated on their spouse for one reason or another.

So here is my post question on Facebook, asking the very question for the title for this story, “Why Do Women Cheat on Men?” The answers that I received from both men and women were pretty much in line with each other. Of course, these were just opinions, and some shared personal experiences while others just shared their thoughts as to why women cheat.

Cheating on your spouse is on the rise.

Here are a few of the responses to my question when I asked: “why do women cheat on men?” Read carefully what the responses were. Men again listen up to what people are saying!

• “Unmet needs. When needs are not being met people venture outside of the marital bond to address their needs. Most affairs are not intentional. They usually surprise the “offender” just as much as their spouse. Once it starts, it’s hard to let go of that pleasure which then gives rise to secrecy and lies (most marriages fail due to loss of trust not the affair itself).”
• “Same reason men cheat on women. Lack of attention. The belief that they have the right. No self-respect. Failure to commit. They enjoy the adrenaline rush of knowing they are doing something wrong and trying not to get caught. I could go all day on this.”
• “It’s really, in this time, both genders have equal responsibilities and are ..which means both need validation, excitement, variety, I could go on forever. The roles have changed from 5 or more decades ago. I’m a firm believer with future generations; marriage will be a thing of the past…they will, in turn, be more like agreements or contracts. Men and women both cheat. I know I will get in trouble for saying this, but I have never met a man who did not at some time in his life. Although women sometimes struggle with it, they do too.”
• “Woman are emotional beings. They need to feel that the person they are with love them, support them, respect them as an equal partner. Many men get so involved In their careers, feeling that being the bread winner is what makes them a good partner and forget that the family needs them to be involved in the family life and work on being a father and husband. Many men also have been raised that if you show emotions and affection that it makes them look weak or less of a man. Woman need to know every day by just a small show of affection that they are appreciated and loved. This does not give them an excuse to cheat, but it does cause a deterioration of the relationship.”

So, you might ask yourself this question; what do I do if I’m a part of the cheating statistics? You’re not alone I’m sad to say. Both men and women are hurt by affairs. If you’re the cheater or the one cheated on there is help for you. You don’t have to struggle alone. If you know that you’re still in love with your spouse, and you want to work through this issue of infidelity and save your marriage, you can contact Dr. Mike and work on a plan to help restore your relationship. Forgiveness is key to move forward and make your marriage work. There needs to be trust reestablished and honest communication to heal a marriage. If you want to save your marriage contact, Dr. Mike, now!

Women, have you cheated on your spouse and you need to talk to someone who can help you sort out the reasons you cheated? Do you want help in preventing future affairs? Are you ready to move on and want to know how to forgive yourself and put your affair behind you? If you answered yes to any of these questions set up an appointment with Dr. Mike and get the help you need. Call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878