Is Separating a Good Thing? (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Did you know that separation can help some people recover from of infidelity? Think about it, trust is the biggest deal breaker in most relationships, right? Without it, there is really nothing that will keep a relationship together. Unfortunately, many marriages will have one of the spouse’s cheat on the other. It happens, and we can’t hide that fact. So, how does a trial separation help a couple dealing with an affair?

• An affair causes so much sadness; it’s like the death of two close friends. Infidelity is also similar to the death of a relationship. We grieve over the loss of trust especially from someone we are married to. An important fact to know that there is no time limit for someone grieving over their spouse that cheated on them. This is an important part of the healing process. It must happen for the healing to begin.
• Figuring out what caused the affair, this can be nerve-racking for the one cheated on. Many affairs start because of the lack of sex in the relationship, or the opportunity that someone couldn’t pass it up. Either way, I would suggest not going into detail about any part of the physical affair.
• Learning how to trust again by communication. The more open you are about your needs in your relationship, the deeper the trust level grows. Being open takes courage and letting go of your insecurities. I know trust is earned over a period of time, that is entirely up to you and your spouse how long this will be.
• Getting to know yourself during the separation period can open some doors, that long have been closed. Learning who you are during this process can reveal some of the things you need to work on. If you feel like your self-esteem has taken a hit, then, by all means, work on it, if self-discipline is another area that you need to spend time on, make it happen. Use this time to better yourself and learn to love yourself again.
• I would suggest not running off to find a lawyer to start the divorce paperwork. Take some time to think about your next steps. If a trial separation is something you may want to consider, then sit down and make some ground rules you both can live by.

Time does heal; it’s just a matter if you can work out the details and try to make your relationship work. I think people should at least give it a try and see what happens. I know some men and women will never agree to try after they have been cheated on. I understand that if they can’t, why try? It would only lead to heartache at the worst.

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Is Separating a Good Thing? (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

So what are the benefits of a trial separation? I think this is a great question and one that may open the eyes of those considering a trial separation. So, here we go, my thoughts. This gives you some time to cool off and decide if you want a divorce. It also helps you logically think about your next steps. It can help you look deep into your heart to see if you need to work on some of the issues in your marriage. It can save you from rushing off to a lawyer and spending a lot of money on something your just not sure about. A trial separation can help you focus on what needs to be repaired in your relationship with your spouse. If you have things that were causing some problems in your relationship, use this time to fix those problems, get some help from a counselor/coach who can direct you to understand why you do the things you do.

So, you may ask what are the bad things about a trial separation? Well, the ones that stick out in my mind are: You both are responsible for any financial expenses. So, let’s say that your spouse decides to buy a boat, guess what you are responsible for that boat during your trial separation. Another one but I doubt this would happen is if one of you wins Powerball during this time, the other half of you is entitled to half the winnings. Keep in mind the benefits of counseling/coaching are very important. You both need skills in communication and learning how to compromise with each other. Take full advantage of learning how to help each other during this time.

I had a client whose husband came home after work one evening and demanded that he wanted a separation, she was shocked! She had been thinking about asking for one as well and was actually relieved he asked for one first. He was angry, he kept his feelings to himself, on the other hand, she spoke with her close friends, and they listened to her share her feelings. She didn’t want any advice but just wanted her friends to listen. She said that her time away from her husband was so healing for her. Let’s face it they didn’t like each other and had time to cool off. That’s whats needed during the trial separation. A cooling off period for both people in the relationship. She said that she needed this time to figure out what her next steps were. After a while, she started to miss her husband, and he missed her. That’s where the healing starts to take place. Avoid being together during this time.

When your ready to start seeing each other again, if you have kids do something with the entire family, go slow and if you are comfortable with this type of date then do something together without the kids. Go on a grown-up date, go out to a movie, out to dinner, for a walk, just have some fun together. Remember start with baby steps, don’t rush into anything, take your time.

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Is Separating a Good Thing? (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

There are times that a separation can be a good thing, as long as you have boundaries that go along with it. Trial separations can work when there are ground rules in place. First, what is the purpose of the separation? Is it used to help better communication between couples? Is it used for healing a broken heart, what is the purpose of a trial separation? Again, I’ll ask that big questions, what is the purpose of any trial separation?


It’s not for the faint of heart, and there needs to be some guidelines before you take that next step. You both must sit down and go over the boundaries of your trial separation. Remember this is not the time to start dating, you need to focus on making yourself healthy for yourself and your spouse. Here are my tips for a trial separation:

• Set up a timeline for how long your trial separation will last, make it realistic, will you be separated for one month, two, three or four months? The longer you separate, the less chance you have of working on your marriage. You become accustomed to living apart. I’d say no longer than six months.
• What are your boundaries during your separation? No dating, stay with same-sex friends, no dinner dates with opposite sex, no texting, emails, check-ins, no after office working together with the opposite sex. Avoid any appearance of improprieties. This will keep you out of trouble and any gossip that can and will happen.
• Agree to go to counseling/coaching sessions. This will be a big help with understanding each other and hopefully help you with better communication. Plan on weekly sessions. Make sure to keep your appointments and commit to open and honest sharing. This is not the time to hold back your feelings.
• Plan to talk about your finances before you separate, who pays what bills and will you be able to afford tow households. I suggest that the one that leaves finds a bedroom you can rent from a friend, to keep the expenses down. If there are children involved, then you have to make sure that they are a top priority when planning your trial separation.
• Will you continue to have marital relations while you’re separated? I suggest that you don’t as this will cloud your thinking and why your getting separated. Couples that continue having sex will find it difficult to maintain and focus on healing the relationship.

I have known many couples that have had a trial separation and come out on the other side far better off and ready to work on the marriage. They agreed to stick to their boundaries; they held each other accountable by those boundaries.

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!