Is Separating a Good Thing (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Is Separating a Good Thing? (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

So what are the benefits of a trial separation? I think this is a great question and one that may open the eyes of those considering a trial separation. So, here we go, my thoughts. This gives you some time to cool off and decide if you want a divorce. It also helps you logically think about your next steps. It can help you look deep into your heart to see if you need to work on some of the issues in your marriage. It can save you from rushing off to a lawyer and spending a lot of money on something your just not sure about. A trial separation can help you focus on what needs to be repaired in your relationship with your spouse. If you have things that were causing some problems in your relationship, use this time to fix those problems, get some help from a counselor/coach who can direct you to understand why you do the things you do.

So, you may ask what are the bad things about a trial separation? Well, the ones that stick out in my mind are: You both are responsible for any financial expenses. So, let’s say that your spouse decides to buy a boat, guess what you are responsible for that boat during your trial separation. Another one but I doubt this would happen is if one of you wins Powerball during this time, the other half of you is entitled to half the winnings. Keep in mind the benefits of counseling/coaching are very important. You both need skills in communication and learning how to compromise with each other. Take full advantage of learning how to help each other during this time.

I had a client whose husband came home after work one evening and demanded that he wanted a separation, she was shocked! She had been thinking about asking for one as well and was actually relieved he asked for one first. He was angry, he kept his feelings to himself, on the other hand, she spoke with her close friends, and they listened to her share her feelings. She didn’t want any advice but just wanted her friends to listen. She said that her time away from her husband was so healing for her. Let’s face it they didn’t like each other and had time to cool off. That’s whats needed during the trial separation. A cooling off period for both people in the relationship. She said that she needed this time to figure out what her next steps were. After a while, she started to miss her husband, and he missed her. That’s where the healing starts to take place. Avoid being together during this time.

When your ready to start seeing each other again, if you have kids do something with the entire family, go slow and if you are comfortable with this type of date then do something together without the kids. Go on a grown-up date, go out to a movie, out to dinner, for a walk, just have some fun together. Remember start with baby steps, don’t rush into anything, take your time.

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

What Are Your Auto-responders (6) By Dr. Michael Brooks

If you’re trying to save your marriage then knowing how to use the auto responder is key. This can be a challenge because out of our pain and the feeling of hopelessness we can say and do things we will regret. I want to caution you and I am speaking to the person who is trying to save their marriage alone. You may be tempted to get even with hurtful words but I am telling you don’t speak negatively or in a condescending way towards your partner. That behavior needs to stop immediately. Your auto responder should be to avoid snarky comments and learn to talk things out in an adult way. That will start to promote healing between you both.  Again,  I want to applaud you for wanting to work on and save your marriage. Secondly, if your marriage has been based on you putting your spouse down they will need to see that you no longer use this to hurt them and will need time and space to heal during your time of separation. They need to see that you no longer use snarky comebacks.

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Here are my tips for those of you who want to save their marriage and need to have auto responders.

·         If you have been the one who finds fault with your spouse then you need to stop and ask for forgiveness for your behavior and listen to what they have to say. Auto responders don’t always have to say something in return. In some cases your auto responder might be “saying nothing at all” this can be very healing to the other person.

·         Auto responders listen to what is being said. Sometimes this opens the doors to real communication. Again, you don’t always need to respond to what is being said. Listening is important in repairing relationships.

·         If your spouse is angry at you and for something you did, your auto response should be “accepting full responsibility for your actions.” Auto responses should always be done with respect and truth. I can appreciate it when someone confesses and admits they have messed up and makes no excuses for their actions. They own up to it.

·         If you both need to get help, don’t wait…get it immediately. You can learn how to communicate with counseling/coaching. Learn to put your auto responders into place so you will  prevent further problems down the road.

If you need a counselor/Coach Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services can help you. We offer a great service Via Phone or Skype.

The next stop for auto responders is in the workplace. This is a place where auto responders can save your job and keep you out of trouble. Let me give you a good example of how auto responders work in the workplace.

Many people have lost everything by the way they respond to others. Marriages have ended because of mouthy comebacks. People have been murdered, injured, made lifetime enemies…just by responding with snarky or harmful comebacks. You don’t need to do that. Learn to use your auto responders wisely. They will keep you out of trouble. If you need help in learning on how to use auto responders call Dr. Mike.

Do you struggle with keeping quiet when you want so much to fire back with a snarky remark? Have you gotten yourself into trouble by the things you have said to others? Do you need to learn how to control what you say and how you say it? Have you lost friendships over some of the things you have said and want help in repairing those friendships? If you answered yes to any of these questions you can call Dr. Mike and get help. Call him at 303.456.0555 today!