You Can’t Run Forever, Trust Me! (4) By Dr Michael Brooks
This week, we will conclude the series on “You Can’t Run Forever, Trust me.” Many of you send me emails on what kind of articles you’d like me to write and comment on. Let me know, and I’ll make it happen. Thank you for being faithful followers.
So, Dr Mike what if I go to the person I’ve hurt and have avoided for days, months or even years and they want nothing to do with me? My word of advice is this; at least you tried. That’s why I suggest, write a letter, email, or a phone call even better yet, is in person if at all possible. If the person is deceased, or you can’t locate them and you have tried all avenues in locating them (sincerely and honestly tried) then write them a long letter, after reading it, destroy it. I would consider the matter closed. You’ve done what you needed to do. It’s time for you to move on and live your life, no more running away or avoiding people.
You are not alone in running away from life’s problems, we all have done it, you, me, our family, and our friends. Just think how many wonderful things you’ve missed out on by avoiding the people we love, all kinds of events, maybe weddings, family gatherings like Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, funerals, graduations. There is no reason for this. Make it happen, reconnect with those you love and admire.
I say the hardest part in making reconnections is the worry “what will they say and think of me.” I liken this to my feelings about shots or IV’s, many of you know, I hate needles with a passion. When going in for surgery, I don’t dread the surgery itself, and I am fearful of the IV I get to prep me for surgery. I get anxious for days ahead of my surgery date, just over an IV. That’s the same feeling many get before they meet with someone they have been running away from, the IV effect…
Now, there are some of you who want nothing to do with someone you are running away from, and there is a good reason for it. If you have been verbally, physically or sexually abused, then I get it and so do the rest of us. Then you need to stay away from those kinds of people. It’s best to just leave it alone. I don’t want you to stir up any trouble for yourself. Hopefully, you have gotten help from a counselor in dealing with those memories of your past.
I can think of several entertainers who have run away from abusive relationships, and Tina Turner is the one that sticks in my mind. She endured beatings, death threats, verbal abuse on stage and at home. She finally had enough and ran away. She had good reasons to run from this type of man.
Do you feel frustrated about running away from your past and want help in restoring a broken relationship? Do you want help in knowing how to let go of your past so you can get on with your life? Do you need help in setting up your auto-responders, so you don’t run from those situations that cause you embarrassment? Do you need help in understanding why you run from those who you fear? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need to talk.
Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at firstname.lastname@example.org to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!
Playing the victim Card (5) By Dr. Michael Brooks
I had some friends who were having marriage problems. The wife was blaming her husband for every issue that came up in the marriage. He couldn’t do anything right to save his life. He was late in getting home from work all the time, he didn’t get the right groceries she asked for, he snored and tossed and turned, which kept her up at night. She took no responsibility for anything that was wrong in their marriage, it was all his fault. I said to the husband, the next time your wife starts the blame game, stop her and talk about the problems she brings up one at a time. Don’t continue to stand there and wait till she’s done. Keep her on topic and deal with it one problem at a time.
I know of a couple that the husband blamed his wife for all their marriage problems. She didn’t clean the house correctly; she wasn’t managing the kids the way he wanted. He blamed her for his business problems. She dreaded him coming home. She tried everything to make the marriage work. She went to counseling; she did it his way as far as running the household, raising the kids. Nothing she did was right. He just didn’t have the wherewithal to tell her he wanted a divorce. He drove her to it and now blames her for their divorce.
Marriage can be difficult, we all know that. But, it also brings some great rewards and happiness. I think that we all get married intending to live a happy life and enjoy being appreciated and loved, and respected. When you start seeing your spouse using the victim card against you, your world starts to crumble if it is allowed to continue. Having a weekly check-in time with your spouse is important to keep a healthy relationship intact. What I mean by check in time, sit down and talk to each other face to face. Be open and honest with how you feel your marriage is. If your spouse has been using the victim card, talk about their concerns and what can be done to fix the problem. Victims need to express their feelings and by you sitting down with them helps eliminate them seeking someone to listen to them. Talk it out and be available for weekly talks if needed.
In closing, there are some victims that need to get help from law enforcement, counselors, and clergy. I understand that, and it’s important to get help when you need it. The victims I’m speaking about are those who abuse the victim card and wonder why people distance themselves from these kind of people.
If you’re physically or sexually abused then get help immediately. If you feel that you’re getting emotionally abused, talk to a counselor. Get legal help if necessary. There are people willing and wanting to help you with your needs. Call them today.
Do you feel that you’re living with a spouse that plays the victim card on you and you want it to stop? Do you need help in confronting someone who abuses the victim card? Are you someone who uses the victim card and you want to stop? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878.