Are You Allowing Your past to poison your Future (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Quick question, how many of us are still stuck in the past with the wrongs people have done to us? Let’s face it; we all know people in our lives who just won’t let go of things done to them or problems they have brought on by themselves. I think it’s extremely important that we look at why focusing on past failures, mistakes, unmet expectations can cloud our future.

Dad was angry his daughters decided to plan their own futures.

I knew a man who just wouldn’t let go of his anger about the way his three daughters turned out. He had their education planned out, where they would go to college, how high their GPA’s should be. He controlled every aspect of their lives. He was very controlling about the people they dated. His wife had no say in his planning for the kid’s futures. He expected them to work in his engineering firm when they graduated from college. As we know, kids do their things, choose their own friends and the people they date. They also have a good idea on what they want to do for work and what school they want to attend.

As his daughters went through high school the battles began, fights occurred over several issues about their education, who they dated and their lifestyles. The dad felt he was losing control over his kids. Let’s just say the kids won out. He was insisting that they pay for their own education and living expenses. He checked out of their lives and became a recluse in his own home. When the girls came home on weekends, he had nothing to do with them. He avoided seeing them or speaking with them. He was always busy when the kids wanted to talk with him, and his wife confronted him about his behavior. This lead to big arguments with his wife and eventually a divorce that he didn’t want. But his pride got in the way, and he still wouldn’t budge.

When his oldest daughter got married, she wanted her dad to walk her down the isle, and he refused to attend her wedding. How bullheaded was this action towards his daughter? Most of us would agree that he took this to an extreme and lost out his daughter’s wedding. I look at it this way; he allowed his past to poison his future with his girls, wife, and God knows who else.

We will continue our story next week “Are You Allowing Your Past to Poison Your Future”! Plus, I’ll give you some tips on how to prevent the of poisoning your future.

Are you holding on to your past hurts and can’t experience joy in your life? Do you still hold on to memories and your future seems hopeless? Do you want to be free of your past so you can have a wonderful future? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call at 303.880.9878. He can help you with relationship problems.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Playing the victim Card (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I look back when I was growing up, blaming my parents for my mistakes never worked. I had teachers and coaches who would confront me and say “you’re better than that, take responsibility for your actions.” One teacher said to me when I was in high school “you have to make wise decisions and learn from your mistakes.” That was so true. That has carried on with me still today. If I make a mistake, I will admit it and not blame anyone but myself.

I have heard many people blame their parents for the way they turned out. There is some truth to it, but as we get older and understand we have to take responsibility for our own actions. I was raised in an alcoholic home where both parents had drinking problems. I was physically abused as well and clearly understand the pain this can cause children today.

Growing up, you never spoke with anyone about the abuse from your parents, and you suffered in silence. I always made excuses for my parent’s behavior and hardly invited anyone over to the house. I was too embarrassed to have my friends see my parents drunk. I learned to fend for myself as best as I knew how. I avoided being around my mom and stayed in my room and read books for my sanity. I would go to the library and check out books that I could enjoy. I would buy educational books at garage sales. I would read encyclopedias, dictionary’s, anything I could get my hands on just to keep away from my parents.

At an early age, I took control of my life knowing life was going to be hard and tough. I educated myself and learned how to be a better person and not blame my parents for the situation they put me in. My friends never knew what I was dealing with, I’d put on my happy face and live life to its fullest, even as a teenager.

I used my sports as a release from living in an alcoholic home. I would stay after school and study and lift weights in the weight room. Not wanting to go home and deal with my parents. Several occasions the janitor would tell me that I’d have to go home because they were closing up the gym. My point in sharing a little of my past is to let you know, if I wanted to play the victim card, that was the time to do so. My suggestion is this: teach your children not to make excuses and be responsible for all their actions.

For additional information about Dr. Mike and his services, you can visit www.idontwantthisdivorce.com