A recent client of mine told me about how his wife had reconnected with an old boyfriend from high school through Facebook. They hadn’t seen each other in 38 years and considered each other their “first love.” As we all know, a “first love” is a strong bond to break especially when there was physical intimacy involved. He told me that her old boyfriend found her on Facebook and sent her a contact note. She responded back by telling him she was married and had four children. He wanted to hear more about her life and what she had been doing all those 38 years. Unbeknownst to her, he had been divorced twice and was thinking about her. Eventually, her marriage seemed unfulfilling to her too and unfortunately, she shared that with her ex-boyfriend. He was an engineer and had been divorced for three years. He wanted to reconnect with her, and she thought it would be nice to see him too. So she traveled to Ohio to meet him and never told her husband where she was going.



She just packed her bags for a “weekend getaway”. When she returned, she told her husband of 30+ years that she was divorcing him. She wanted out and had talked to a lawyer about putting the divorce together. She said their grown children that she was divorcing their father and told all kinds of lies about him. She also told the children that he was unfaithful and abusive towards her. The lies got even worse the more time she spent with her old flame talking on the phone and chatting on Facebook. With her lies, she turned her children and family against him. The lies were so destructive and painful he nearly had a nervous breakdown. He begged, pleaded, groveled, wept and cried to get her back. She destroyed this man’s life because of an affair she wanted and tried to justify it with her lies. This woman was very deceitful and filled with hate. When I met with this man at my office, he was beside himself.

He had nowhere to turn, and his children wanted nothing to do with him. His wife hated him and was bent on taking him down. He asked me, “Dr. Mike, where do I go from here? I have done nothing that she has accused me of. I have been faithful to her and loved her, but she always seemed unhappy. I’ve tried talking with her, planning vacations, etc., but it just never worked out. I even asked her to go to marriage counseling, which she refused. I know I wasn’t a perfect husband, but I tried everything possible to make her happy. “ He told me that he found out who the guy was, what kind of job he had and the type of people he was involved with. He also knew how many times he was divorced and even current relationships the man was involved in. He had all the emails they sent each other with the time and date stamps on them. He wanted to know why another man would take his wife away, knowing full-well she was still married. That was a fair question. Relationships can be so complex! They are hard to understand at times. “Who should get the blame,” he asked? I told him, “They both should. He shares in the equal responsibility. The reason you feel it’s more your wife’s fault is that she is the focal point of your pain.” If you suspect that your spouse/partner is reconnecting with a former girlfriend, boyfriend, lover, etc., you need to confront them immediately.

The longer you delay, the more damage there will be, and the possibility of your marriage will come to an end is likely. Confronting your spouse is not a bad thing – doing absolutely nothing is. You need a game plan when you talk to your spouse/partner. If you accuse them without knowing what you’re going to say, you’re headed for trouble so plan on that! More and more relationships have ended from social websites than ever before. If you are tempted to look up an old boyfriend or girlfriend, don’t. There is no reason to risk hurting your relationship with your spouse/partner by looking for past loves. Protect that relationship you’re in, guard it and enjoy it! Trying to rekindle a relationship with an old flame never works, especially if you’re in a committed relationship.

Do you suspect that your spouse has been cheating on you by using Facebook or Classmates.com? Have you seen the signs of them spending time texting excessively or on the computer? Do you need help in confronting your spouse/partners suspicious behavior? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow an old love to destroy your relationship. If your marriage has been threatened by or has ended because of a social media affair and you need someone to talk to, or need help in overcoming the pain you’re going through, please call Dr. Mike. He can help you. He has helped several people through the process of a broken relationship caused by social media infidelity. Master Life Coaching, Divorce Coaching, and counseling is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone 303.456.0555303.456.0555 or via Skype (drmike45). The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado.

How Important is Your Integrity? (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

This week we will continue on with our Integrity series and today’s series we will be talking about being honest in a serious relationship. For those of you who are in a serious relationship, here is a word of caution. I know you always want to keep your best foot forward, to look and show that you have your act together. We all want that and to have a wonderful relationship as we fall in love with that right person. Love is a wonderful thing and most of the time we want to look past peoples faults and believe all that they tell us. Am I wrong here? I don’t think so. When you’re in a serious relationship don’t keep secrets from each other. It’s best, to be honest from the get go. There are times when it’s appropriate to share things is a timely manner. As you get to know each other and that’s the fun part of growing a healthy relationship, building trust by sharing your dreams, visions, and goals. Being open about your past relationships, where you have trust issues and your communication style.

I had a friend who was not divorced but separated from his wife for one month. He instantly went to several dating sites and signed up. He went on several dates and got involved with one woman who adored him. He told her that he was single and dated her for several months. She fell in love with him and he proposed to her while still married. He never told her he was still legally married. I asked him did he tell her and he told me he did. In fact, he told several of us he was engaged to this woman, she had a 7-year-old daughter that also felt like this man was like a daddy to her. When we were all sitting around the table someone mentioned to this guy where was he at in the process of his divorce? She looked up and said in a loud voice “what divorce, I thought you said you were divorced!” You could have heard a pin drop, he looked at me than her and stared at me for the longest time while she was saying,” Are you divorced or not?” He stammered several times and avoided her question. The room cleared out and it was the three of us sitting there. She looked at him not taking her eyes off him at all. She wanted an answer immediately. Finally, he admitted that he was still married but going through a divorce. She got up and left immediately. First of all, he should have been upfront with her and she could have decided to continue on with the relationship.

I suggest that you’re honest and open about your past. Don’t keep secrets from each other. Honesty grows a relationship, deceit kills it.
• Be up front with your past, don’t hide it, if you do it will catch up with you
• Hiding things will cause you to have a deceitful heart
• Secrets will destroy your relationship and cause trust issues
• Keeping secrets will cause you to lie
• To keep a relationship healthy be an open book and be truthful when asked questions
• Be known as a man or woman of integrity
• You are in integrity when the life you are living on the outside matches who you are on the inside.

Next week we will continue “How important is your integrity.” If you have questions concerning the status of your integrity and want to know more on how to restore your integrity call Dr. Mike at 303.456.0555 Do you need help with being a person of integrity? Do you have a hard time keeping your word to family members? Is integrity an issue with you at home or in the workplace? If you answered yes to any of these questions, please give Dr. Mike a call today at 303.456.0555 or 303.880.9878

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype at drmike45. If you’re interested skyping with Dr. Mike send him an e-mail and let him know who you are and your skype name. You can also connect with Dr. Mike on Facebook with sending him a Facebook request at Michael Brooks and get his daily motivational tips and insights. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life counseling and life coaching. We come to you when you need us most.