Gossip, the Divider of Friends (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks
This week we will continue with: what to do about the gossips in your life. Remember gossips in all relationships are bad, there is no excuse for them. How many people have you known going through a divorce had gossip associated with it? You heard the juicy details blow by blow, the fighting, who filed and why. Some people start adding their own details and making up outright lies about one of the people involved in the divorce. The accusations, the personal insults are spread like wildfires.
Case in point, and this actually happened to me. I was working at a shipping company as a part-time employee while attending college. My soon to be ex moved out of our house to figure things out. It was a friendly agreement between us both and extremely civil for the sake of our daughter. A week after that happened I had a co-worker come up to me and ask me “why did I kick my wife out of the house?” I asked him, “who told you that?” He said, “Dolly did.” I knew Dolly as the town gossip. Then at our fifteen minute break-time, another co-worker came up to me and asked the very same question. “Why did I kick your wife out of the house?” I said under my breath, let me guess, Dolly told you that, right? He said “yes, how did you know?” I knew the town gossip was busy at work trying to stir up trouble. I knew what I had to do when I got off of work and back from my classes. I wasn’t looking forward to making that call.
I got back from my classes and thought as I drove back how to confront this woman. I was pretty upset and knew she was hitting her circle of friends with gossip about myself and wife. I walked in the door went to the phone and made the call. She answered the phone, and I confronted her. She didn’t deny the fact that she was gossiping. That made me more angrier. I asked her why she would say outright lies without talking to either one of us and getting the facts. Her comeback was outrageous. “I’ve heard bits and pieces about you both and others have shared with me things they know, I’ve got the story straight so don’t call me again. I asked my wife if she would come over and we both would make a call to Dolly and set her straight. She agreed to, and we made that call. My wife told her the facts, and I did as well. Do you think that stopped her, not on your life? She used what we said to twist the story of a divorce into a gossip tabloid for who would ever listen to her. Some people just don’t care about the lies they spread.
Next week, I will give you some advice that could change your life if followed and it will keep you out of trouble if you’re tempted to gossip about someone.
Do you suspect that you’re becoming a gossip? Have you been wounded by a gossip and are hurting from it? Do you want to confront someone who has gossiped about you? Do you need to go to someone you gossiped about and make things right between you and the other person? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow an old love to destroy your relationship. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times.
Avoid the Wrong Kind of People (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks
I have a simple rule that I use when I hear someone gossiping about people. A helpful acronym that you can use when wondering if you should spread a certain piece of information is T.H.I.N.K. Ask yourself the following questions:
T – Is it true? In other words, this thing that you have heard about someone else, is this accurate information? Or is it just gossip or something someone heard about someone else.
Have you ever had anyone tell a lie about you? How did that make you feel? I know when I found out I was being gossiped about it made me extremely upset. Confronting these people is pointless. Avoid them and find healthy people to be with.
We are far too ready to pass on information before verifying if it is true or not. It seems that many enjoy spreading gossip and lies about people. Avoid this kind of people at all costs.
H-Is it Helpful? Will sharing this information be helpful to the other person?
I- Is it Inspiring? That is clear enough.
N- Is it Necessary? Do we really need to spread this information? What is the point? If it’s going to hurt someone and contain half-truths, stop it in its tracks. Walk away from someone gossiping.
K– Is it Kind? Pretty clear there. If what you’re hearing is hurtful and demeaning, again walk away. I love it when people are uplifting and encouraging each other. Gossip usually is not kind and is meant to be hurtful. Don’t be a part of it.
Avoid people who have no morals and no boundaries in their lives. It’s easy to fall into the trap of,“ what people don’t know, will not hurt them.” That is a bunch of baloney. Integrity is key, to being true to yourself. I had watched several marriages fail because the husband stopped being a husband when his wife wasn’t around. A teammate of mine from softball would go to the bar with a bunch of his friends and pick up girls. The wife had no clue that he was doing these kinds of things. I stopped hanging out with this crowd, and the peace I got from going home after my games was really nice. Be true to yourself and your spouse is a motto we all should live by.
In next week’s article, I want you to use the tools I give you to find good healthy people to add to your life. Good people promote a healthy attitude and will look out for you at all times.
Are you afraid to confront the wrong kind of people in your life? Are you involved in a wrong kind of relationship and need help getting out of it? Do you have friends who are involved with drugs, alcohol and want you to join them, and you can’t say NO? Would you like a plan that can help you eliminate the wrong kind of people in your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878.