Is Separating a Good Thing? (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks
Did you know that separation can help some people recover from of infidelity? Think about it, trust is the biggest deal breaker in most relationships, right? Without it, there is really nothing that will keep a relationship together. Unfortunately, many marriages will have one of the spouse’s cheat on the other. It happens, and we can’t hide that fact. So, how does a trial separation help a couple dealing with an affair?
- An affair causes so much sadness; it’s like the death of two close friends. Infidelity is also similar to the death of a relationship. We grieve over the loss of trust especially from someone we are married to. An important fact to know that there is no time limit for someone grieving over their spouse that cheated on them. This is an important part of the healing process. It must happen for the healing to begin.
- Figuring out what caused the affair, this can be nerve-racking for the one cheated on. Many affairs start because of the lack of sex in the relationship, or the opportunity that someone couldn’t pass it up. Either way, I would suggest not going into detail about any part of the physical affair.
- Learning how to trust again by communication. The more open you are about your needs in your relationship, the deeper the trust level grows. Being open takes courage and letting go of your insecurities. I know trust is earned over a period of time, that is entirely up to you and your spouse how long this will be.
- Getting to know yourself during the separation period can open some doors, that long have been closed. Learning who you are during this process can reveal some of the things you need to work on. If you feel like your self-esteem has taken a hit, then, by all means, work on it, if self-discipline is another area that you need to spend time on, make it happen. Use this time to better yourself and learn to love yourself again.
- I would suggest not running off to find a lawyer to start the divorce paperwork. Take some time to think about your next steps. If a trial separation is something you may want to consider, then sit down and make some ground rules you both can live by.
Time does heal; it’s just a matter if you can work out the details and try to make your relationship work. I think people should at least give it a try and see what happens. I know some men and women will never agree to try after they have been cheated on. I understand that if they can’t, why try? It would only lead to heartache at the worst.
Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.
Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at email@example.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!
The Day you Decide to Divorce (5) By Dr. Michael Brooks
The next question to ask yourself, is there something your spouse can do to convince you to hold off on seeking a divorce? This is a fair question to ask yourself and to anticipate when asked. I would have a plan on how to bring that up and what needs to happen when you answer that question.
I had a client whose husband was always playing softball and never home. His wife had had enough of it. She was checked out of the marriage and had already talked to a lawyer about getting a divorce. She was left alone at nights while he played softball and never had help in raising the kids. Her two older boys aged 7 and 10 asked her why “dad” was never home. Her response was, ask him maybe he can tell you. The straw that broke the camels back is when he missed one of the boys birthday parties. Her parents were asking what’s going on with her husband and demanding why he didn’t show up for his sons birthday party. She was frustrated and said, he has chosen softball over his boys. Her mom and dad were livid.
They paid for her to seek help from a lawyer and talk about getting a divorce. After speaking with a divorce lawyer, she sat her husband down and let him know she was going to divorce him and take the boys and live with her parents. He was shocked and pleaded that he would change and give up his softball and be home with the boys. She said that she would have to think about it. He did some deep soul searching and knew he was wrong in picking softball over his family. They got marriage counseling and restored their marriage. Keep in mind that most people who want a divorce will give good reasons as to why they want one and the person who wants to save the marriage will give up hobbies, alcohol, bad habits to keep a marriage together.
In closing, if you want a divorce and there is no way to restore your marriage, be kind, be understanding and most of all be considerate of how you treat your spouse. They may have been through some difficult times and need your support even while getting divorce papers from you. Divorce is hard on everyone. You should know that how you present your position on divorce is critical and important to the person that you once loved. Being gentle is not a weakness but shows maturity and kindness.
Ask yourself these questions; am I filing because I’m angry and doing it out of spite? Have I thought through all my options of trying to save the marriage before I file? What are the real reasons I’m filing? Have I tried marriage counseling/coaching with my spouse? If you have answered yes to any of these questions, then give Dr. Mike a call he can help with this difficult process of deciding on your next steps and what to do. Call him at 303.880.9878
Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at firstname.lastname@example.org to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did! You can call him at 303.880.9878
Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services