Is Separating a Good Thing? (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Did you know that separation can help some people recover from of infidelity? Think about it, trust is the biggest deal breaker in most relationships, right? Without it, there is really nothing that will keep a relationship together. Unfortunately, many marriages will have one of the spouse’s cheat on the other. It happens, and we can’t hide that fact. So, how does a trial separation help a couple dealing with an affair?

• An affair causes so much sadness; it’s like the death of two close friends. Infidelity is also similar to the death of a relationship. We grieve over the loss of trust especially from someone we are married to. An important fact to know that there is no time limit for someone grieving over their spouse that cheated on them. This is an important part of the healing process. It must happen for the healing to begin.
• Figuring out what caused the affair, this can be nerve-racking for the one cheated on. Many affairs start because of the lack of sex in the relationship, or the opportunity that someone couldn’t pass it up. Either way, I would suggest not going into detail about any part of the physical affair.
• Learning how to trust again by communication. The more open you are about your needs in your relationship, the deeper the trust level grows. Being open takes courage and letting go of your insecurities. I know trust is earned over a period of time, that is entirely up to you and your spouse how long this will be.
• Getting to know yourself during the separation period can open some doors, that long have been closed. Learning who you are during this process can reveal some of the things you need to work on. If you feel like your self-esteem has taken a hit, then, by all means, work on it, if self-discipline is another area that you need to spend time on, make it happen. Use this time to better yourself and learn to love yourself again.
• I would suggest not running off to find a lawyer to start the divorce paperwork. Take some time to think about your next steps. If a trial separation is something you may want to consider, then sit down and make some ground rules you both can live by.

Time does heal; it’s just a matter if you can work out the details and try to make your relationship work. I think people should at least give it a try and see what happens. I know some men and women will never agree to try after they have been cheated on. I understand that if they can’t, why try? It would only lead to heartache at the worst.

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

When Your Marriage Seems Hopeless (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

This week we will go over the times that you need to confront your spouse immediately about problems in your marriage. I know for some of you, when your marriage seems hopeless it’s difficult to go to a spouse when you know there are some serious problems you both are facing. I’m telling you, they will not go away until you talk about them. This is not the time to bury your head in the sand and hope the problem goes away.

So here are my thoughts on when to sit down and have that face to face talk. I suggest not over a text, not in an email or on the phone. If at all possible this needs to be done eyeball to eyeball. Don’t wimp out and take the easy way out. Be sincere when talking, and not shouting at each other. You’ll never get anywhere with that type of arrangement.

Have an emergency talk when infidelity has been discovered, when drugs or alcohol are becoming a big problem. Physical abuse, or pornography is an issue. These usually are the big ones that need immediate attention. I said you must learn to forgive and understand that trust takes time to be built up. Behavioral changes must take place, and it begins with strong communication and identifying what the issues are.

If you want to salvage your marriage, there will be a lot of hard work ahead of you. Plan on rolling up your sleeves and doing some hard work. The payoff is substantial, to say the least. Hard work is worth the effort and will save the heart aches that go along with divorce and separation. Don’t take working on your relationship lightly. Both have to give 100% equally. People who walk away from trying to figure out why they are having marriage problems, often kick themselves for not making an effort to restore their relationship. Regrets are many, and the memories will haunt you a lifetime if you don’t give it one last shot.

Do you feel hopeless about your marriage? Have you given up and feel there is no way your marriage can be saved? Do you want to save your marriage but don’t know what your next steps are? Do you want to improve your communication and need help in restoring it? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow hopelessness to destroy your relationship. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

If You’re Considering Divorce (7)

By Dr. Michael Brooks

This will be the last article on this series. I hope it has been helpful in giving you some idea’s on how to work on improving your relationship and developing a loving relationship with your spouse/partner. Feel free to send me an e-mail if you have any questions.

Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services can help you with your relationship needs

#8.  The Unhealed wounds you live with every day can be crippling. If you carry scars from your relationship with spouse/partner, it can cause you to fall out of love. Scars hold us back from becoming whole with our spouse and from moving forward in a healthy loving relationship. Talk about the wounds you carry, don’t think that they will go away on their own, they will not. Trust your spouse/partner enough to share what those scars are.

#9.  Hopelessness in regaining the love in your relationship is something that can be rekindled over time, don’t quit too soon. We all go through some depressing times in our lives. You don’t want to be a “Linus” in the Peanuts TV show with a cloud hanging over your head wherever you go. Don’t look for faults in the person you are falling out of love with. It’s easy to do that when your feeling down. Talk with your spouse and come up with a plan that helps you see the sunlight through the storm clouds.  

#10.  Your Misplaced focus on your spouse can be ruining your relationship without you even knowing it. It’s easy to get upset at the love of our life when we focus on being critical and condescending towards them. I have had many clients who complain that “my spouse always finds faults with me and I’m tired of it.” I agree, what kind of love are you building up by tearing down the person you love on a constant basis? Talk about their positive influences they have on you and others. Criticism never builds-up or enhances love in any relationship. The more positive you are usually is returned two-fold.

In closing, please remember many couples today are divorcing because of the lack of love in their relationship. You can’t expect your spouse/partner to make you happy in your relationship, that’s up to you. If you sense drifting happening in your relationship do something now and not down the road. If you wait too long most likely, your relationship will end. Try to do things together, laugh, love each other, be crazy, is what I am saying. If your relationship is getting boring and has no excitement in it, it’s time to make some immediate changes. It’s up to each of you to make necessary changes.

Do you suspect that you’re falling out of love with your spouse? Do you feel like your relationship is drifting apart? Has the lack of love in your relationship caused your spouse/partner to cheat on you by using Facebook or Classmates.com? Have you seen the signs of them spending time texting excessively or on the computer? Do you need help in confronting your spouse/partners suspicious behavior? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow an old love to destroy your relationship. If your marriage has been threatened by or has ended because of a social media affair and you need someone to talk to, or need help in overcoming the pain you’re going through, please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people through the process of a broken relationship caused by social media infidelity.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

If You’re Considering Divorce (6)

By Dr. Michael Brooks

As we continue with this week’s article “If You’re Considering Divorce”, look at the results and see if they are in line with the way you feel. The responses that I have received from the previous week’s articles have been revealing; I’m hearing that many of you want to start working on rebuilding a healthy relationship with your spouse/partner. That’s music to my ears!

 #4. Your spouse has character issues that are starting to show themselves: This can be a problem especially when your spouse has flaws and doesn’t want to change them and it’s becoming a problem for you. You don’t see them making any attempts in making any changes. For example, drinking and drug problems, anger issues and they don’t think they need help with. They may be having one affair after another and they don’t feel it’s a problem or need to change.

When anger issues grow worse with each argument, the yelling, threats, that concern you to the point you may have to call the police is a red flag warning. There are limits on how long you can stay in an unloving relationship. I have had clients who were married to a narcissist and endured hardships like no other. Their spouse was mean spirited and so self-centered and absorbed in their world that no one else mattered. The pain this caused the entire family was overwhelming. That spoused walked away from the narcissist and is happy to be free from needless pain. You may be dealing with other issues in your relationship that will drive you away. Such as a controlling spouse and their behavior towards you that leads to the point of demoralizing you the spouse and your children. Another problem is the emotional rollercoaster, ups, and downs each and every day; you don’t know what to expect when you wake up each morning. The blame game, when you’re constantly being blamed by your spouse for their problems. This is another red flag for a bad marriage. More often than not the victim (in his or her mind) is being challenged to see if their love for the spouse is real or not. When questioned they become argumentive and confrontational. When we fall in love we don’t see or want to see the bad in the people we fall in love with. We start to see their issues down the road and begin to notice some troubling behaviors. That’s when people will start to fall out of love and move on.

 #5. Communication issues within your relationship. When you and your spouse/partner drift apart, and you notice and feel it, it’s time to sit down and communicate what you’ve noticed and what are your next steps to correct it. You want to bring out the issues in the open and figure out your next steps. If you sense you’re each moving in the wrong direction, it’s time to figure out where the disconnect is. This may be a difficult discussion, but it needs to happen. Put all your cards on the table and deal with it. This is not the time to be worrying about hurting someone’s feelings by telling them the truth. Marriage has it’s up’s and downs. If you both agree to sit down and start rebuilding your love for each other, this can be a very productive meeting of the minds. I would encourage that each of you listens well and not interrupt each other. If this talk is going to end with an argument as all your sit-downs meetings do, then maybe it’s time to move on. What’s the point of prolonging someone who has to be right all along without listening to you or your points of emphasis?

#6. Is conflict avoidance good or bad? Some couples are masterful at communicating feelings and their emotions, but this isn’t always guaranteed to renew the love in a loveless relationship. You may be able to sit down and communicate well, but if the same old problem keeps rearing its ugly head, you may say “what’s the point to talk, we continue to go in the same direction.” I know several people who will not argue or confront, they avoid any situation that may lead to arguing. They emotionally run from any fight, they’re not wired to fight, they have a tender personality and hate fighting. So, they bail on relationships that has strife and bitterness in them.

#7. The unresolved Resentment between you and your spouse can cause love loss at all levels in your relationships. How many of us have been angry at our spouse and avoided talking about our feelings to avoid fighting. Probably most of us at one time or another have done this. We all have had misunderstandings in our relationship with our spouse; we have failed to communicate our true feelings and assume that our spouse knows us well enough to know what were feeling and how we think. This is the anchor of resentment; resentment doesn’t go away unless you sit down and identify what exactly the resentment is.

Here is a problem many couples face and have no clue on how to deal with resentment. First, of all, what hurts do you need to discuss and why? Many of us use resentment against our spouse, and they have no clue why you’re angry. This will cause love loss in your relationship. Deal with it immediately and don’t think it will go away on its own. It will not!

Do you suspect that you’re falling out of love with your spouse? Do you feel like your relationship is drifting apart? Has the lack of love in your relationship caused your spouse/partner to cheat on you by using Facebook or Classmates.com? Have you seen the signs of them spending time texting excessively or on the computer? Do you need help in confronting your spouse/partners suspicious behavior? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow an old love to destroy your relationship. If your marriage has been threatened by or has ended because of a social media affair and you need someone to talk to, or need help in overcoming the pain you’re going through, please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people through the process of a broken relationship caused by social media infidelity.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Why Do Women Cheat on Men? (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Do you see the common link here with the Facebook responses from last week’s article? Neglect and unmet expectations were high on the list of reasons women cheated? Relationships live and die on the vine if there are misunderstandings and unmet expectations in the relationship. I didn’t share all the responses, but many were not out of the norm. Men, you better take note on why women cheat.

• “I think that perhaps they are trying to fill a void that their husbands have neglected…. not just talking about sex, a much deeper emotional need…..people get complacent in relationships and don’t continue to nurture each other as they did before……”
• “Being taken for granted. Lack of appreciation and significance. This is what I’ve heard most frequently.”

You don’t have to be married to have someone cheat on you. It can be your boyfriend, girlfriend as well. I know it causes broken hearts that may last a lifetime. It takes a toll on your emotional, and physical health and even spiritual health for some. Cheating isn’t a new concept or an idea over the past 500 years. This has been a problem since ancient of days.

Cheating spouses are lacking something infipreventing future affairs,  in their marriages.

Looking back at the man who called me and after several minutes of speaking with this man, I think he said it best when he made a bold statement. “I am probably the reason she had wandering eyes. I wasn’t there for her when she needed me.” I think he was spot on with this statement. We want to be a good provider for our spouse; (men and women) it’s in our DNA for the most part. Yes, we have some bad apples that make marriage hard and difficult at times.

So you might ask yourself this question, what do I do if I’m a part of the cheating statistics? You’re not alone I’m sad to say. Both men and women are hurt by affairs. If you’re the cheater or the one cheated on there is help for you. You don’t have to struggle alone. If you know that you’re still in love with your spouse, and you want to work through this issue of infidelity and save your marriage, you can contact Dr. Mike and work on a plan to help restore your relationship. Forgiveness is key to move forward and make your marriage work. There needs to be trust reestablished and honest communication to heal a marriage. If you want to save your marriage contact, Dr. Mike, now!

Women, have you cheated on your spouse and you need to talk to someone who can help you sort out the reasons you cheated? Do you want help in preventing future affairs? Are you ready to move on and want to know how to forgive yourself and put your affair behind you? If you answered yes to any of these questions set up an appointment with Dr. Mike and get the help you need. Call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Why Do Women Cheat on Men? (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I received a call a while back from a man obviously in a great deal of emotional pain, between his crying and trying to talk; I barely heard his question asking me “why do women cheat on men?” He was crushed to find out that his wife cheated on him and decided to file for a divorce. I talked with him and listened as he shared his thoughts as to why his wife cheated on him. He had many ideas all which made sense as we spoke. When we hung up, I sat there staring at the wall clock pondering his question “Why Do Women Cheat on Men? I deal with both men and women who cheat on their partners all the time in my practice.

Women having affairs and cheating is growing at an alarming rate.

Then my mind took me back to a time when I recalled as an 18-year-old working for an apartment complex in a suburb of Chicago. I was a naive kid when it came to relationships. I took my work order to fix a leaky kitchen sink assigned to me. As I approached the apartment, I could hear a man sobbing on the other side of the door. I questioned if I should knock on the door or just leave and go to the next repair job. Well, my curiosity got the best of me, and I knocked on his door. He stopped crying and answered the door. I told him I was there to repair his leaky kitchen sink. As I walked in, I could see his eyes were swollen from crying, and his face was beet red.

I walked into the hallway area, and he followed me as I walked into the kitchen. He started to explain why his eyes were red and swollen; I listened as I worked and he shared that his wife cheated on him and wanted a divorce. I didn’t know what to say being an 18-year-old kid. I told him I was sorry that he was going through a divorce and wished him well. That thought of his divorce has never gone away from my mind; it’s something I know happens to both men and women. Unfortunately, affairs are a part of life.

The big question for you as a reader, what are your thoughts on women having affairs on their husbands, or women having affairs in a committed relationship? I have known women friends in college who cheated on their boyfriends and it was painful when the guys found out. I’d say it’s at an epidemic level these days.

So you might ask yourself this question, what do I do if I’m a part of the cheating statistics? You’re not alone I’m sad to say. Both men and women are hurt by affairs. If you’re the cheater or the one cheated on there is help for you. You don’t have to struggle alone. If you know that you’re still in love with your spouse, and you want to work through this issue of infidelity and save your marriage, you can contact Dr. Mike and work on a plan to help restore your relationship. Forgiveness is key to move forward and make your marriage work. There needs to be trust reestablished and honest communication to heal a marriage. If you want to save your marriage contact, Dr. Mike, now!

Women, have you cheated on your spouse and you need to talk to someone who can help you sort out the reasons you cheated? Do you want help in preventing future affairs? Are you ready to move on and want to know how to forgive yourself and put your affair behind you? If you answered yes to any of these questions set up an appointment with Dr. Mike and get the help you need. Call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878