Don’t Allow Fear to Control You! (3)

By Dr. Michael Brooks

This week, we will continue on how to deal with your fears so you can understand how to manage them. Fears don’t always have to be hidden and cause embarrassment. Dealing with them will give you freedom.

So, let’s look into some of the reasons what cause our fears and how we deal with them. Most experts say that there isn’t one particular cause for our fears, I’d say there are several good reasons why we have Fear in our lives. Many people cannot pinpoint when their fears began. So, let’s look at some examples and causes of those fears in a nutshell.

Past incidents, fears, and traumas: For example, me jumping off a roof and the Fear of the actual height looking down at the ground when falling, it has had a lasting effect on how I feel about heights to this day. I have a friend whose two daughters were attacked by a neighbor’s dog when they were toddlers. When a dog comes near them and I mean any dog, they lose it, they scream, yell and cry, these kids are 8 and 9 years old. They will never forget the dog attack as long as they live. Maybe when they become adults, they will be able to deal with dogs, but for now, they have a real fear of dogs.

How do you react to fear or panic? You may have had a fear that controlled you growing up, or even as an adult from a situation or object you encountered. Think about how many of us growing up, were told by our parents not to talk to strangers or avoid strangers. Our parents would tell us stories about what could happen if we did. We could get kidnapped, or even worse than we’d never see our families again. Many adults to this day will avoid talking to people they don’t know. They still have that fear of strangers that their parents scared them with. There is nothing wrong with that mindset today, many kids are being abducted and need to know they need to run away from someone approaching them. Fear can be very healthy as long as it’s used to be a learning lesson.

Long-term fear can cause anxiety and cause you to have depression if not dealt with in a proper way. Fear can keep you from enjoying life to its fullest and cause you to avoid events and people. Family gatherings can be difficult to attend for those who fear closeness. I know I struggled with being at our family gatherings because I was extremely shy. I hated going and seeing family at these reunions. I know I was anxious for sure and begged my parents not to take me. I’ve overcome that fear over the years.

As I was researching this article, I found some very interesting tidbits of information, do you know what one of the longest words in the dictionary is? I was amazed by this: What is Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?  I find it funny, the meaning of the word and, and in an ironic twist, is the name for a fear of long words. I never imagined that words cause people to fear.

So, how do I overcome my fears you may ask? There are many scientific ways of dealing with your fears. I want to make this easy for you and just give you my Readers Digest version.

Next week, we will continue with “Don’t Allow Fear to Control You.” Learn how to deal with these thoughts on Fear so they don’t control you.

Do Not Take Counsel From Your Fears (2)

By Dr. Michael Brooks

This week, I have some tips that will help you deal with the fears you face each and every day. It will take some work on your part, but you can overcome your fears if your willing to move forward with your life.

Here is my acronym for fear: False Emotions Appearing Real. It makes sense if you read into it. Fear, for the most part, can be false, it hardly ever happens, but in our minds, that’s a different story. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying that 90% of the things we worry about never happen, and the same goes with fear. Fear can cause all kinds of health issues such as headaches, stomach issues, heart palpations, and difficulty in breathing. It does have physical and emotional side effects.

You need to take control of your fears, have a plan when you face your fears and put it into action

Have you ever had a fear that was so crippling that you avoided going to work, to a social gathering, or even calling someone on the phone? This fear whether real or imagined can be disabling to so many.

So what can you do about the fear you face from day to day? When you feel it starting to crop up into your life, it’s best to deal with it immediately, don’t sit on it, hoping it will go away. Once you can identify your fear, starting looking at it and decide if it’s real or imagined. If it’s real, then start planning next steps on how to deal with it. I suggest write it out on your writing tablet, what is the fear, who is involved in this fear, is it you or other individuals? Plan next steps and stick to the plan. If phone calls are part of the plan of dealing with it, make the calls a priority. It’s easy to blow those off and plan on making your calls later. Usually, phone calls get to the issues pretty quickly, and it’s much easier to call then to set up a face to face meeting. I like calling people; I can be myself and get to the point pretty quickly. Have the questions you want to ask or discuss written out before your meeting by phone or in person. Take notes during your conversation if by phone, otherwise mental notes if in person. I think most people would prefer meeting by phone; I know I do.

Here are some of my tips to help you deal with the fears you face:

• Identify what your fears are and understand why they affect you
• Your plan should take immediate action, is your fear real or imagined?
• Stay with the plan once the fears start showing themselves
• If the fear is real, then look at solutions and fixes for the fear you’re face
• If the fear imagined, then examine the reason your dwelling on this fear
• Don’t give up stay the course; failure is not an option
• Remember not all fears are bad, they can be healthy too

If your fear is imagined, then you need to be able to sort through why you’re thinking the way you do. Many of the imagined fears are a result of past bad experiences that have not been dealt with. For example, a child who has had divorced parents and one of the parents was scheduled to pick the child up and doesn’t show and it’s a habitual pattern; this will cause a child undo fear of being abandoned. As a parent how would you deal with this? There are many ways, but having an alternate plan is most helpful. As an adult many of us face imagined fears; the loss of a job, thinking our spouse is cheating on us, that we’re not good enough, we’ll be alone for the rest of our lives, etc. 

Here is another acronym of fear, and it’s one that I use when encouraging people dealing with fear: Face Everything and Rise. In this day and age, it’s not easy to face our fears, real or imagined. Life can be hard and unforgiving at times. Our faulty thinking can be the root of our fears and anxiety. There are tools to combat our fears, first, realize our thoughts and began to look at them and challenge them, that’s when you begin to win the battle over the fears that you face.

Are you holding on to your past fears and can’t experience joy in your life? Do you still hold on to fearful memories and your future seems hopeless? Do you want to be free of your Fears so you can have a wonderful future? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call at 303.880.9878. He can help you with relationship problems.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!