Beware of the Rattlesnakes in your life! (1)

By Dr. Michael Brooks

I was at a marriage conference in Colorado Springs last weekend when I noticed a sign by the hotel entrance that said, “Beware of Rattlesnakes.” I looked around the area, and I could see where rattlesnakes could be a potential problem. Rattlesnakes had the perfect habitat; there was sandy soil, lots of places where the snakes could hide, and lots of sun. I have had a few close encounters with rattlesnakes, and honestly, they scared the daylights out of me! Out of nowhere, while walking a hiking trail, I heard the rattle of the rattlesnake that gave me the warning to stay clear, which I did.

Some people are like rattlesnakes too. A rattlesnake from a distance can cause alarm, but you’ll be on your guard. Whereas a rattlesnake hidden in the weeds or around the corner when you’re walking, can strike at you without any warning. Those are the snakes that we must be aware of in our lives, the hidden ones. The ones that catch us off guard, the ones that strike without warning. These are the people I want to warn you about.

Some people can fool you when you least expect it. I can remember hearing guys at work slam our boss (Frank), granted he was hard to get along with at times. I would watch these guys set him up and tease him about the clothes he’d wear. They’d make fun of his shoes, shirts, pants, whatever they could embarrass him about. They’d tease him about not having a car, because he walked to work. I never thought it was funny, only hurtful. Frank wasn’t overly complex; he was simple in many ways. I liked that about him, as I felt he was extremely easy to get along with. Why these other guys felt that he was a target of their attacks was beyond me. I was a teenager when working for this company, it was a summer job. Most kids in high school would simply avoid getting entangled with adults being mean to someone at work. I was pretty shy when I was in High School.

Frank would seek me out when we had a lunch break. I liked to listen to him talk about his wife and kids, he was proud of his family. He didn’t really care what the others would say about him, I just knew that they were the rattlesnakes in his life, and they liked spreading their poison. That left a lasting impression about the people I needed to avoid in life. If I hear someone gossiping, I will confront them. Gossip has destroyed friendships, businesses, families. I call this one of the main venoms we all deal with, each and every day.

Next week, we will continue with the rattlesnakes in your life and relationships. Learn how to deal with these volatile people you encounter in your families, friendships, and work.

Dr. Mike has Zoom classes on “Where to Draw the Line,” setting your boundaries by Anne Katherine, on Thursdays. “If you’re interested in attending this class, it’s on Thursday from 5:00 to 6:00 PM. You’ll need to send Mike your email address to get a link for the Zoom class. Send your email address to mike@applicablecoaching.com. You can sit in and listen or be a participant. These classes are free.

Zoom classes in session: How to Set Boundaries for yourself, your kids, and marriage. There will be a class on the 5-Love Languages, how to have better relationships with your spouse, family, and friends. If you are interested in any of these classes or have questions, send an email to mike@applicablecoaching.com or call 303.880.9878.

Do you feel like you’re living in a rattlesnake relationship and want help in deciding your next steps? Do you need help trying to figure out who you are married to and why they treat you the way they do? Do you want to know more about the motivations of the rattlesnake individual? Do you want help in managing and understanding your ups and downs with an unhealthy partner? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Zoom (if you want to have a Zoom meeting with Dr. Mike, send him an email at mike@applicablecoaching.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Facing Your Giants (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Gossip, the divider of Friends (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

In closing, I have to say I learned a valuable lesson that day with Dolly, it’s hard to stop the person who started the gossip, but the one who shares gossip with you that’s a different story. If someone comes up to you and starts to say something about someone to you, stop them in their tracks. I tell them that I am uncomfortable with what they are sharing and suggest that we change the subject. If they continue to gossip, then I’ll say let’s go to that person you’re talking about and ask them if what is being shared is truthful. Well, my friends that will usually put a stop to gossip on the spot. The person who feels at liberty to gossip will probably never gossip top you again. Keep this in mind, if someone comes to gossip about some, you can count on them gossiping about you. Gossips have no boundaries. I have used this example about gossip when I speak to groups and individuals. You might want to use this when you are tempted to talk about someone or hear a gossip sharing with you.

A helpful acronym that you can use when wondering if you should spread a certain piece of information is T.H.I.N.K. Ask yourself the following questions:

T – Is it true? In other words, this thing that you have heard about someone else, is this accurate information? Or is it just gossip or something someone heard about someone else.

Have you ever had anyone tell a lie about you? How did that make you feel?

How about someone gossiping about you? The very word “gossip” just hisses. Gosssssssip! Remember, Satan is the Father of lies.

We are far too ready to pass on information before verifying if it is true or not.

H-Is it Helpful? Will sharing this information be helpful to the other person?

I- Is it Inspiring? That is clear enough.

N- Is it Necessary? Do we really need to spread this information?

K– Is it Kind? Pretty clear there.

You might say, “Mike, if I applied that T.H.I.N.K. acronym to what I said about others, I would hardly speak at all!” Ah! Perhaps that’s not such a bad idea?

With social media, it’s even easier to spread gossip. The gossip business brings in about 3 Billion every year, just go to the grocery store, and while you’re waiting in line to buy your groceries, you will see all kinds of gossip magazines by the checkout area. I will watch people pick up the magazine and browse through the different articles. I have even done that myself, ashamed to say.

If you’re tempted to gossip, think of the consequences and the impact that you could cause someone. We’re all guilty of gossip in the past, I think it’s time to stand up to the gossips in our lives, or if we are guilty of gossip take a second look and see the potential damage we can cause our family and friends. It’s not worth it.

Do you suspect that you’re becoming a gossip? Have you been wounded by a gossip and are hurting from it? Do you want to confront someone who has gossiped about you? Do you need to go to someone you gossiped about and make things right between you and the other person? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow an old love to destroy your relationship. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Gossip, the Divider of Friends (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

This week we will continue with: what to do about the gossips in your life. Remember gossips in all relationships are bad, there is no excuse for them. How many people have you known going through a divorce had gossip associated with it? You heard the juicy details blow by blow, the fighting, who filed and why. Some people start adding their own details and making up outright lies about one of the people involved in the divorce. The accusations, the personal insults are spread like wildfires.

Gossip, will distroy family and friends relationships, and marriages.

Case in point, and this actually happened to me. I was working at a shipping company as a part-time employee while attending college. My soon to be ex moved out of our house to figure things out. It was a friendly agreement between us both and extremely civil for the sake of our daughter. A week after that happened I had a co-worker come up to me and ask me “why did I kick my wife out of the house?” I asked him, “who told you that?” He said, “Dolly did.” I knew Dolly as the town gossip. Then at our fifteen minute break-time, another co-worker came up to me and asked the very same question. “Why did I kick your wife out of the house?” I said under my breath, let me guess, Dolly told you that, right? He said “yes, how did you know?” I knew the town gossip was busy at work trying to stir up trouble. I knew what I had to do when I got off of work and back from my classes. I wasn’t looking forward to making that call.

I got back from my classes and thought as I drove back how to confront this woman. I was pretty upset and knew she was hitting her circle of friends with gossip about myself and wife. I walked in the door went to the phone and made the call. She answered the phone, and I confronted her. She didn’t deny the fact that she was gossiping. That made me more angrier. I asked her why she would say outright lies without talking to either one of us and getting the facts. Her comeback was outrageous. “I’ve heard bits and pieces about you both and others have shared with me things they know, I’ve got the story straight so don’t call me again. I asked my wife if she would come over and we both would make a call to Dolly and set her straight. She agreed to, and we made that call. My wife told her the facts, and I did as well. Do you think that stopped her, not on your life? She used what we said to twist the story of a divorce into a gossip tabloid for who would ever listen to her. Some people just don’t care about the lies they spread.

Next week, I will give you some advice that could change your life if followed and it will keep you out of trouble if you’re tempted to gossip about someone.

Do you suspect that you’re becoming a gossip? Have you been wounded by a gossip and are hurting from it? Do you want to confront someone who has gossiped about you? Do you need to go to someone you gossiped about and make things right between you and the other person? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow an old love to destroy your relationship. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times.

Gossip, The Divider Of Friends (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Gossip, how in the world can some people enjoy talking about others and not figure out that people despise them for the lies and private information they share? They seem to get satisfaction in talking about people behind their backs. They have no problem in hurting family, friends, and people they don’t even know with their gossip.

Believe it or not trusted family members gossip, our friend’s gossip, the press gossips, people in the office and church gossip. There’s an epidemic going on. I have seen friendships part ways because of gossip. I have seen divorces happen because of a gossip. I have seen families torn apart because of a gossip. What have you seen?

I have learned over the years there is a way to confront a gossip, and many of you who have read my articles know what I am going to say. If you had a parent or grandparent tell you, “if you don’t have anything nice to say about someone don’t say anything at all.” Is a golden nugget of truth. It’s still true for today! What are the reasons for gossip? Let’s think about that and go in depth why people gossip. The big question is, So why do we indulge in this guilty pleasure?

I think a lot of gossip is used as a form of “I know something you don’t” and hold it over the heads of willing participants who join in and listen. It seems to give them a brief but albeit power trip. It shows us that they have very poor self-esteem. They thrive on drama and causing others turmoil. About 60 percent of conversations between adults is about someone who isn’t present, and most of these are passing judgment.

Workplace gossip seems to be common place and pits people against each other. For example, if someone gets a raise in the company, a flurry of gossip will say if it’s a woman “she slept her way to get the raise,” or she’s a brown noser. Not thinking for a second, that she really earned her way to a new raise and position. People just can’t accept this fact, that through hard work, people do go places. A research team from the University of Amsterdam found that 90 percent of total office conversation qualifies as gossip. Research at the Georgia Institute of Technology concluded that gossip makes up 15 percent of office e-mail. A gossip is a form of communication that can lead to loss of jobs, hurt morale and cut productivity. In the workplace, it’s a problem.

Next week we will continue this series about gossip, and some truths will be revealed on how to deal with gossips in your life.

Do you suspect that you’re becoming a gossip? Have you been wounded by a gossip and are hurting from it? Do you want to confront someone who has gossiped about you? Do you need to go to someone you gossiped about and make things right between you and the other person? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow an old love to destroy your relationship. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

The Day you Decide to Divorce (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

The day you decide to divorce there will be many things you have to consider. Who will your divorce effect? If you have children, they will be the most challenged in your immediate family circle. Your family, parents, brothers, and sisters, grandparents, aunts, and uncles, for the most part, will take this hard. I think it best that you have a game plan on how to share the news with your family and close friends. Consider those in the family that you trust to share with them your views and insights on your divorce. If you have a known gossip in the family and you know that they will add their personal insights to your private business and share it with others, do not share with them. They will be a problem for you in keeping sensitive information private.

Unhappy couple arguing about a possible divorce

Have a plan on how to talk with your spouse. You need to let them know why you have chosen to take this route and your next steps. Be forthcoming in your reasons and don’t sugar coat your reasons. Be upfront and truthful for obvious reasons. This will be difficult enough when you sit down and share the reasons why you want a divorce. Listen patiently and don’t get angry or upset when they challenge you. Not everyone will sit back and say something like “hey, that’s a great idea let’s get divorced and as soon as possible.” Most likely this will not happen.

Here are some things that your spouse may say that doesn’t want a divorce from you;

• How long have you been thinking of wanting to divorce and why?
• Let’s get counseling/coaching so that we can save our marriage
• What about our children they need both of us in the same house
• Oh you have said this in the past, I know you don’t really mean it
• Please give this one more try, I’ll do better in our marriage
• No, I will not sign any papers giving you a divorce
• We can’t financially do a divorce, forget it
• You’ll get over this, you always do
• I’ll kill myself you just wait and see
• I’ll do anything you want me to do, anything to not get divorced

There will be many reasons why someone who doesn’t want a divorce will fight it. Making promises to change behaviors that they can’t possibly keep. Hearing these pleadings can be heartbreaking. That’s why if you can save your marriage, and get help in deciding what is right for you then just do it.

Ask yourself these questions; am I filing because I’m angry and doing it out of spite? Have I thought through all my options of trying to save the marriage before I file? What are the real reasons I’m filing? Have I tried marriage counseling/coaching with my spouse? If you have answered yes to any of these questions, then give Dr. Mike a call he can help with this difficult process of deciding on your next steps and what to do. Call him at 303.880.9878

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did! You can call him at 303.880.9878

Avoid the Wrong Kind of People (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I have a simple rule that I use when I hear someone gossiping about people. A helpful acronym that you can use when wondering if you should spread a certain piece of information is T.H.I.N.K. Ask yourself the following questions:

T – Is it true? In other words, this thing that you have heard about someone else, is this accurate information? Or is it just gossip or something someone heard about someone else.

Have you ever had anyone tell a lie about you? How did that make you feel? I know when I found out I was being gossiped about it made me extremely upset. Confronting these people is pointless. Avoid them and find healthy people to be with.

We are far too ready to pass on information before verifying if it is true or not. It seems that many enjoy spreading gossip and lies about people. Avoid this kind of people at all costs.

H-Is it Helpful? Will sharing this information be helpful to the other person?

I- Is it Inspiring? That is clear enough.

N- Is it Necessary? Do we really need to spread this information? What is the point? If it’s going to hurt someone and contain half-truths, stop it in its tracks. Walk away from someone gossiping.

K– Is it Kind? Pretty clear there. If what you’re hearing is hurtful and demeaning, again walk away. I love it when people are uplifting and encouraging each other. Gossip usually is not kind and is meant to be hurtful. Don’t be a part of it.

Avoid people who have no morals and no boundaries in their lives. It’s easy to fall into the trap of,“ what people don’t know, will not hurt them.” That is a bunch of baloney. Integrity is key, to being true to yourself. I had watched several marriages fail because the husband stopped being a husband when his wife wasn’t around. A teammate of mine from softball would go to the bar with a bunch of his friends and pick up girls. The wife had no clue that he was doing these kinds of things. I stopped hanging out with this crowd, and the peace I got from going home after my games was really nice. Be true to yourself and your spouse is a motto we all should live by.

In next week’s article, I want you to use the tools I give you to find good healthy people to add to your life. Good people promote a healthy attitude and will look out for you at all times.

Are you afraid to confront the wrong kind of people in your life? Are you involved in a wrong kind of relationship and need help getting out of it? Do you have friends who are involved with drugs, alcohol and want you to join them, and you can’t say NO? Would you like a plan that can help you eliminate the wrong kind of people in your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878.