If You’re Considering Divorce (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

If You’re Considering Divorce (1)

By Dr. Michael Brooks

I am amazed by the people wanting out of their marriages and the reasons why. I don’t question the intent of the person seeking a divorce as there are some good reasons to leave a marriage. But some of the reasons I hear seem to be knee jerk reactions out of anger or revenge. More often than not, once the person wanting the divorce cools off, cooler heads prevail. Then civil communication usually begins, and the couple tries to talk things over. That’s how it’s supposed to happen, so they say!

There are many reasons why people divorce, some good and some bad. The ones that are the most common and that I hear: are falling out of love, physical and emotional adultery, drugs, and alcohol, spousal abuse, and abandonment. Most people who deal with these reasons for divorcing have some idea somethings not right in their marriage and want to move on with their lives. There is the small percentage of folks caught off guard that are so trusting that their partner would never cheat on them, then they find out their spouse cheated and are devastated and crushed. The drinking and drugs usually have warning signs that most people can see. There is so much damage that happens in a marriage when alcoholism is involved. One person is trying to survive why the other lives in denial. It’s a tough situation to be in.

Unhappy couple after fight not talking to each other

Before you consider getting a divorce, check out all your options. I suggest couples or individual marriage counseling to help you decide.

Divorce has stabilized the last ten years; there are many reasons for that. The availability of helpful resources from within the community, or churches. The economy is improving. This younger generation seems to communicate better with each other, and a host of other reasons.

I’ve spent years counseling couples and exposing the myths of divorce and how to overcome these myths with truth and facts. I have to be honest with my feelings. I have seen couples that didn’t have any reason for a divorce per say, but still went ahead and got divorced. It was hard for me to understand all the reasons these people divorce, but that’s their decision, not mine.

So here is the main reason for this article today on why people are considering divorce. In the many years that I have counseled and coached couples deciding if they wanted a divorce, here are few of the reasons for couples splitting up today.

  • Emotional affairs: There is no physical intimacy in the beginning, but this can change over a period of time. The emotional affair usually starts through texting, phone contact or even Skype.
  • Physical affairs: These usually happen when an individual is looking to have their needs met, physically, or emotionally. This starts out as friends and advances into something more. One or both of the people involved in a physical affair are both surprised by this.
  • Alcohol and drug abuse: I have had some clients that had no clue that the person they married had any kind problems in this area. I have seen some individuals so traumatized by a spouse who lied about their drinking or drug habits.
  • Physical abuse: Many divorces are a result of physical abuse. They are either hit, slapped, beaten, kicked, punched, pushed, shoved and fear for their lives. Both men and women can do this to their spouse. The damage this can cause the entire immediate family is heartbreaking.
  • Emotional abuse: This is starting to become a bigger problem within marriages. The internet has advanced this problem by some of the music video’s showing mostly women being abused by men verbally. It’s a common sign that a marriage is headed for trouble once this begins.
  • Lack of love, falling out of love, common interests, no passion, and unrealistic expectations. These are considered major distractions in marriage and are the most repairable yet can be annoying to the one who wants the marriage to work.

The issues that are affecting couples today can be several but integrated into one problem. For example, the emotional and physical affairs usually tend to be combined. I had one client several years ago ask his wife if she was having an emotional affair after he saw her texts on her phone, it escalated to “are you also having an intimate relationship as well.” It didn’t end well; the affair cost them their marriage.

Do you suspect that you’re falling out of love with your spouse? Do you feel like your relationship is drifting apart? Has the lack of love in your relationship caused your spouse/partner to cheat on you by using Facebook or Classmates.com? Have you seen the signs of them spending time texting excessively or on the computer? Do you need help in confronting your spouse/partners suspicious behavior? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow an old love to destroy your relationship. If your marriage has been threatened by or has ended because of a social media affair and you need someone to talk to, or need help in overcoming the pain you’re going through, please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people through the process of a broken relationship caused by social media infidelity.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Avoid the Wrong Kind of People (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Avoid the Wrong Kind of People (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Businessman being handcuffed and placed under arrest.I knew a lady that had an addiction to alcohol; she was always drunk or hungover. I watched her as her life started to spin out of control and she was headed for some serious trouble. Her husband gave her an ultimatum, “stop your drinking or get out.” He and the kids had enough of her drinking. She had a revelation and knew that if she continued to drink with her drinking buddies, she would lose her family and possibly her life.

I ran into her at the grocery store a while back and was surprised to find her sober. She told me she had stopped drinking and had been dry for over two months. I said that was amazing and how did she do it? Her answer blew me away. She said that she had to “avoid the wrong kind people” in her life and find friends that were healthy and good for her. She did it and so can you. If you feel that some of your friends are leading you down the path of destruction of your family, health, finances and sanity, then avoid these “wrong kind of people.”

I’m pretty sure that you know which people are good for you and ones that aren’t. I feel it’s best just to dump the old friends that are the wrong kind of people and find new healthy friends. Don’t fall into the trap that people will not like you because you have done some bad stuff in your past. Healthy people will lift you up and be the right kind of person for you.

Look for these traits in good and healthy people.
• Friends who will stand beside you when your world is falling apart
• Someone who will be able to give good sound advice when needed
• Someone who will not judge you for your past
• Someone who will encourage you
• Someone who will be a part of your life and make you feel a part of theirs
• Someone who will love you unconditionally
• People that will laugh with you and make you feel good inside
• People who will not allow you to play the victim card
• People that will keep you accountable
• Someone that is uplifting

These are the kinds of healthy people you want in your and your families life. Is it worth it to regain control of your life and fight for the lifestyle that you need and your family? Absolutely! There is a price to pay if you don’t heed the advice of “avoiding the wrong kind of people.” Your life can be miserable and unrewarding. You control what happens in your life and are accountable for your actions, Did you know that? You can’t blame others for your problems when you knowingly hang around the wrong kind of people.

Next week we will discover how to deal with the wrong people in your life, and how to look out for the warning signs of getting into a bad relationship.

Are you afraid to confront the wrong kind of people in your life? Are you involved in a wrong kind of relationship and need help getting out of it? Do you have friends who are involved with drugs, alcohol and want you to join them, and you can’t say NO? Would you like a plan that can help you eliminate the wrong kind of people in your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of the Denver-metro area. E-mail Dr. Mike if you want to connect with him on Skype at mbrooks3353@gmail.com. He’ll need a heads-up so he can accept your request. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services
Web: www.applicablecoaching.com
Blog: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php
Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/
Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/
E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com
Office: 303.456.0555
Cell: 303.880.9878

Avoid the Wrong Kind of People (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Avoid the Wrong Kind of People (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

In the course of our lives, I’m sure we have come across people that were not good or healthy for us.  Some of these people that would ultimately get us into trouble and cause pain for those around us. Possibly people that may have changed the course of our lives and we still to this day regret getting involved with them. Are there people who you avoid today? Keep in mind that the wrong people will have a tendency to drag us down with them.

I have seen over the years, many people follow the wrong crowd and have paid dearly with their marriages, their health, their integrity, and their families. For what reason but their own personal pleasures.

I had a friend of mine back in the fourth grade named Pete. This kid was a trouble maker, and I knew it. I was a shy kid who didn’t have many friends; we had just moved to the states from Germany. Pete was a bully and kids were afraid of him. I saw Pete as someone who didn’t have a lot of friends as well. He often picked fights just to show our classmates he ruled our fourth-grade class. One day he walked up to a physically challenged boy in our class and hit him for no reason at all and started making fun of his disability. I knew right then and there I wanted to have nothing to do with Pete. I avoided him whenever I could. One day Pete decided to start hitting me because I avoided him. Being a shy kid, he eventually stopped hitting me because I wouldn’t fight back. Even at that early age, I knew Pete was someone that I should never hang around with; he was the wrong kind of people. Funny, how I knew that as a kid.

Are there specific people that you need to break off friendships with or avoid certain situations that could cause you to compromise your morals, ethics or integrity? If you have a gut feeling about someone, who isn’t good to have a friendship with don’t! If you are listening to someone who wants you to compromise your integrity and wants you to be a part of it, run from that person as fast as you can!

I had a client many years ago who felt that he needed to spice up his marital relations with his wife. So he, without asking her subscribed to an adult channel so they both could watch it and get some ideas for their bedroom. She was appalled and forbid that he watch pornography in her presence. He thought his actions were innocent and let her know that she was a prude. His supposedly watching porn to help them in the bedroom became an addiction. He is now addicted to pornography, and both are divorced. She couldn’t deal with his addiction and felt emotionally cheated on. He kept telling her it was harmless, and she needed counseling. Pornography is one of the leading causes of divorce. Next week we will be covering dealing with gossips in your life.  

Are you afraid to confront the wrong kind of people in your life? Are you involved in a wrong kind of relationship and need help getting out of it? Do you have friends who are involved with drugs, alcohol and want you to join them, and you can’t say NO? Would you like a plan that can help you eliminate the wrong kind of people in your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services
Web: www.applicablecoaching.com
Blog: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php
Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/
Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/
E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com
Office: 303.456.0555
Cell: 303.880.9878