Unexplained Behaviors Explained? (13)

By Dr. Michael Brooks

We are wrapping up this week’s article on the colorcode white personality, and next week start on the yellows, the personality color of fun! They are one of the most exciting colors in the colorcode.

Whites hate confrontation; they are the peacemakers in the colorcode personality. My daughter will shut down when she is uncomfortable in certain situations. It seems like she is giving the silent treatment, but this is her way of coping with a potential confrontation. I do the same thing too. She will not openly share what she is feeling; she feels deep with her heart and mind, it’s just hard for her to share those feelings with people. I have to talk with her to get her to open up about how she feels.

One thing that drives the other colorcode personalities wild is that whites appear to be unmotivated, lazy, no drive. They seem to lack direction and commitment. Motivation requires goals, how to make these goals happen, next steps. For the whites, this is very difficult. Goals need your passion and a desire to make things happen, and whites fail miserably in this area. When a white finds something that they like to do, more often than not, whites will lose interest in it after several weeks.

In many ways, whites are like yellows, they are very accepting of all the colors, they try to find good in everyone they meet. People like being with whites because they are not judgemental and bring a healthy balance to a relationship. They want peace, and who doesn’t? They don’t seek out people to argue with and will bring peace and harmony to a relationship. Whites prefer to be alone and enjoy their alone time. Some folks think they are boring, and they can be at times, but they enjoy it when someone interacts with them and creates some excitement.

I had one client who was afraid to show his feelings or reveal how he felt. He was very protective of sharing his emotions. He avoided most conversations when people shared or spoke of how they felt about relationships. He would find an excuse to leave and go sit alone on a couch. That is a typical response of a white when avoiding uncomfortable situations. One of the reasons they do this is to prevent any confrontations on how they feel and don’t want to be asked any questions. Keep in mind that white personalities go through life as easy as they can; sometimes, you never know they are there. They are always in the background observing and listening.

What are the limitations of the white colorcode personality? That’s a great question, so what are their limitations? Well, let’s begin by saying they appear to be detached and uninvolved. Simply put, they seem uninterested and unwilling to set goals. They are not crazy about involvement because they fear that there will be confrontation or rejection. So what do they do? They hide in the background and watch.

Now the white strengths are amazing. They get along with every personality in the colorcode; we should learn from them as they contribute so much to all walks of life. They are gentle, kind, the VOR’s in our lives (Voice Of Reason). We need them to bring balance to our chaotic and hectic lives.

Hopefully, this has been an enlightening article for you, and you learn how to communicate with all the colors in the colorcode. Next week, we will learn about the yellows. They can be a blast, fun to hang around with, and be endearing.  

Dr. Mike has Zoom classes on The Colorcode Thursdays. If you’re interested in attending this class, it’s on Thursday from 5:00 to 6:00 PM. You’ll need to send him your email address to get a link for the Zoom class. You can sit in and listen or be a participant. These classes are free.

I have used the colorcode when dealing with my clients and their needs. If you want a better marriage, the colorcode will open doors to better communication. If you are having issues at work with a co-worker or boss/management, the colorcode will open doors of understanding. If you hire or lay people off, the colorcode will give you the necessary tools for a better work environment, and better employee hires for the company.

Other Zoom classes coming up: How to Set Boundaries for yourself, your kids, and marriage. There will be a class on the 5-Love Languages, how to have better relationships with your spouse, family, and friends. If you are interested in any of these classes or have questions, send an email to mike@applicablecoaching.com or call 303.880.9878.

The Colorcode designed by Taylor Hartman is Unlike other personality tests, The Color Code not only identifies what you do but why you do it, allowing you to gain much deeper and more useful insights into what makes you and those around you tick. Each of the four colors: Red, Blue, Yellow, and White, stands for a collection of traits, strengths, and limitations. You can have one dominant color with traces of the three other colors in your colorcode personality. If you would like to take the free colorcode test and see what your primary color is, you can do so by going to colorcode.com click on the free test, once you take it, read what color your primary color is. The book is “The People Code” by Taylor Hartman, a great read and really gets into how the colors interact with each other. I highly recommend that you get this book.

Dr. Mike is a certified colorcode trainer and can help with people’s personality issues at home or in the office. Give him a call, and he can go into greater detail on how to use the colorcode in your home or the workplace. Call him at 303.880.9878

Do you feel a bit confused living or working with someone who is a white after reading today’s article and want to learn more about what motivates them? Do you need help in building up the intimacy in your relationship through the colorcode? Do you want to know more about the colorcode and how to incorporate it in your marriage or business? Do you want help in managing and understanding your color in colorcode? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Zoom (if you want to have a Zoom meeting with Dr. Mike, send him an email at mike@applicablecoaching.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Never Take Your Spouse for Granted (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I watched a friend of mine as he stood in front of his wife’s casket prior to her funeral service. He just stared at her with his head slightly cocked to the side; he didn’t move; he stood motionless for what seemed minutes. I looked around the room and could smell the perfumes mixed in with the aroma of the flowers behind her casket. Several small groups of people talked softly in different parts of the chapel. I’m sure they were relatives, friends, and church members. My friend still stood motionless. As I looked at him, I thought to myself, I have no words to say, nothing to add nor to comfort him, but me being there is what I felt he needed.

After a while, he turned and walked towards me. He was all cried out, probably exhausted from the lack of sleep and dealing with funeral arrangements and his family. He looked at me and smiled, thanking me for being there for him and then sat down next to me. I listened to him as he shared about his many years he had with his wife. He said, “you know Mike, I could have been a better husband to Susan, I wasn’t there for her very much. In fact, I put others ahead of her, geez he said…I can’t believe I did that.”

I listened as he continued to talk, he mentioned that he took Susan for granted, for the many years that they were married. He put his needs ahead of hers; he expected her to be at his beckon call. He said that when he got home after work he expected dinner on the table, the house to be clean, and she was supposed to be looking good for him. They were married for over 50 years, and he was proud of that!

The one thing that sticks in my mind is, when he said, “I took Susan for granted.” that was a powerful statement and one that we need to talk about today. If you look at your relationship with your spouse and are honest about it, are you taking your spouse for granted? A simple question but one that runs deep to the core of all relationships. Not just marriages, but all relationships.

If you feel that you keep taking your spouse for granted in your marriage, and not giving your spouse anything in return, you may want to make some changes that will help your relationship become stronger. Sit down with your partner and discuss the things that they would like from you in your relationship. I have heard all kinds of great idea’s. One of the big ones that comes to mind, ask your spouse what you can do for them before you start your day. Most likely you’ll hear “I’m good for now.” Then go start your day. But keeping your spouse first is key to a happy marriage. The more you communicate in your relationship the less confrontation you will have.

Do you feel like you’re taking your spouse for granted? Do you need help in how to appreciate your spouse and let them know that you do?  Do you have a spouse who isn’t communicating their needs with you? Are you the spouse that has unmet expectations and want to communicate those needs? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

The Day you Decide to Divorce (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

You’ve been thinking about it for weeks, maybe even months. You can’t pretend anymore that everything is alright in your marriage. You wake up in the morning feeling guilty that you’re living a lie. You remain silent; you avoid conflict or any confrontation for that matter. You agree to things with your spouse that you normally don’t, just to keep the peace.

Do you have a real reason to file for divorce?

You have thought about how unhappy you’ve been for what seems years; you find yourself daydreaming about being free and on your own. You see yourself in new and exciting relationships. Most people who are thinking of divorce want the peace and calmness they deserve. They think, why shouldn’t I be happy and enjoy the rest of my life in peace? After all, I’ve devoted my life to my spouse and children and need time for myself. I deserve a life that I can enjoy and not be accountable to anyone.

For those of you who have considered divorcing, I’m sure that several of these thoughts have raced through your mind after an argument, a sleepless night of worry or realizing that you want out. I see many clients who struggle with this thought process. It’s not an easy place to be in, nor to be weighing on your mind 24/7. In fact, I’m sure that many people considering divorce right now are struggling with pulling the trigger and starting the divorce process. It’s a hard decision and a lasting one at that!

I want to bring to your attention a few important things before you take that next step. Ask yourself these questions; am I filing for divorce because I’m angry and doing it out of spite? Have I thought through all my options of trying to save the marriage before I file? What are the real reasons I’m filing? Have I tried marriage counseling/coaching with my spouse? Are there tools that I need to use to help me make my decision for example; (better communication, better listening, better understanding, etc.?)

Impulsive divorce demands backfire and will cause you and your spouse a great deal of harm and irreparable damage to your relationship. I tell my clients look at every option and examine the real reason for wanting a divorce. Some people file because they are talked into it by a well-meaning family member or friends. You have to decide on your own and make this decision by yourself. Don’t allow someone to convince you into filing for a divorce. You will live to regret it down the road. I have had many people in my office brokenhearted and angry because they allowed someone to make the decision for them to file for divorce. The regrets these people go through is painful and agonizing.

I’ll ask this one more time, and I want to bring this to your attention. Ask yourself these questions; am I filing because I’m angry and doing it out of spite? Have I thought through all my options of trying to save the marriage before I file? What are the real reasons I’m filing? Have I tried marriage counseling/coaching with my spouse? If you have answered yes to any of these questions, then give Dr. Mike a call he can help with this difficult process of deciding on your next steps and what to do. Call him at 303.880.9878

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Playing the Victim Card (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Another problem is that parents will also use the victim card to blame teachers and teacher aids for their children’s poor grades. Parents should not allow the teachers to be babysitters while their children are at school. Parents need to sit down with their children and make sure that they do their assignments and work with their kids. 

Don’t let people play the victim card on you!

Another place where the victim card is played is at work. This is a really bad place to use the card, (don’t talk about legal, martial, or your relationships at work) because there are many times when you use that card it gets around the office, and the gossip will start about you. There are consequences to you playing the victim card at work (DON’T). People who play the victim card are less likely to get a job promotion and advance in the company, honestly many of your coworkers can’t deal with your drama if you play this card.

As adults, we are more likely to use the victim card if we continue to get away with it. When you were hired, you had expectations for your employment. You had to be on time, work so many hours per day and week, you had to complete the job you were hired for. Many people today will use the victim card at work and try to get away with it. It happens all the time. Here are some excuses that people use at work.

• Traffic was bad
• Unexpected company
• Too tired
• Not feeling well
• Weather conditions
• Getting kids to school
• Family problems

Some of these excuses are valid, and with most employees, they will understand.  But, if you’re the one using the victim card and missing work because of it, you can’t blame others for being angry at you. People will start confronting you if you continue to use the victim card at work. 

Do you feel that you’re living with a spouse that plays the victim card on you and you want it to stop? Do you need help in confronting someone who abuses the victim card? Are you someone who uses the victim card and you want to stop? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Dealing with Difficult People (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

This week we will continue giving you useful information on dealing with difficult people in your life. Seldom do we know what to say or do with difficult people in our life who are angry and hard to deal with. Dr. Mike will give you some great advice on how to take back control from difficult people in your life.

Avoid difficult people in your life

How to deal with difficult family members and in-laws can be critical for a happy marriage. I have heard some good stories about the crazy in-laws, and I’m sure you have as well. Whether some of these stories are true or not, I don’t know. Most relationships with in-laws are good and healthy. Some are bad, and you probably hear that from some of your friends. When you marry into a family, you have to take the good and the bad with it.

So what are the big issues with the in-laws these days? Many complaints I have heard is the way in-laws are critical towards you and the way you do things. They may have a certain way they do things and interject their opinions on you, making you compromise your values and to keep the peace you do it their way. Criticism from an in-law towards a daughter in law or son in law is a major complaint in new marriages. Many times in-laws will find faults with their new son-in-law or daughter-in-law. They look for flaws and report to their child the imperfections they’ve noticed. If your parents are doing this, you need to stop them before it gets out of hand. This will cause a division in your marriage if you support your parent’s behavior. Pull them aside and let them know that you appreciate their concerns but you will deal with it if it becomes a problem. Protect your marriage from outside sources (parents, siblings, friends, co-workers, etc.) People mean well, but your new spouse comes first, take no sides. If there are issues, talk to your spouse first and deal with it between the two of you.

Here are some of my tips in dealing with your in-laws and your parents if issues keep coming up.

• Keep your quarrels between the two of you, don’t involve
• When disagreeing with each other be civil, don’t defend parents behaviors. I know it’s tempting, especially if your parents are defending you.
• Don’t take sides with your new spouse, be neutral and then sit down with husband/wife and talk.
• Don’t let your parents talk you into anything, think first!
• Protect your spouse, your parents, and in-laws from divisive people
• Don’t repeat gossip about anyone or anything. Keep the peace
• Avoid endless battles or confrontations

These days, families, in-laws, spouses come in all different shapes and sizes. We’re all different and have been raised differently by our parents, grandparents. Some parents were strict while others laid back and carefree. There are so many different parenting styles, and we all want to have some input with suggestions on how we think our grandchild should be raised. We need to let our adult children ask us for advice, not we enforce our idea’s and opinions on them. If you’re asked, then by all means give your advice. Keep from interjecting and forcing your advice and being labeled a difficult parent or in-law.

In closing, difficult people surround us everywhere. It depends on how we interact with them that will dictate the outcome. My first instinct is to avoid unnecessary run-ins if at all possible. It’s not worth the aggravation and heartaches it causes. If you must deal with someone, that is difficult, then be on guard and be careful with what you say and the intent behind it. If this individual is still a problem, then walk away.

Are you afraid to confront difficult people in your life? Do you have family members who are difficult to get along with? Do you fear family gatherings because of past run-ins with siblings, parents? Would you like a plan that can help you face difficult people in your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!