If You’re Considering Divorce (6)
By Dr. Michael Brooks
As we continue with this week’s article “If You’re Considering Divorce”, look at the results and see if they are in line with the way you feel. The responses that I have received from the previous week’s articles have been revealing; I’m hearing that many of you want to start working on rebuilding a healthy relationship with your spouse/partner. That’s music to my ears!
#4. Your spouse has character issues that are starting to show themselves: This can be a problem especially when your spouse has flaws and doesn’t want to change them and it’s becoming a problem for you. You don’t see them making any attempts in making any changes. For example, drinking and drug problems, anger issues and they don’t think they need help with. They may be having one affair after another and they don’t feel it’s a problem or need to change.
When anger issues grow worse with each argument, the yelling, threats, that concern you to the point you may have to call the police is a red flag warning. There are limits on how long you can stay in an unloving relationship. I have had clients who were married to a narcissist and endured hardships like no other. Their spouse was mean spirited and so self-centered and absorbed in their world that no one else mattered. The pain this caused the entire family was overwhelming. That spoused walked away from the narcissist and is happy to be free from needless pain. You may be dealing with other issues in your relationship that will drive you away. Such as a controlling spouse and their behavior towards you that leads to the point of demoralizing you the spouse and your children. Another problem is the emotional rollercoaster, ups, and downs each and every day; you don’t know what to expect when you wake up each morning. The blame game, when you’re constantly being blamed by your spouse for their problems. This is another red flag for a bad marriage. More often than not the victim (in his or her mind) is being challenged to see if their love for the spouse is real or not. When questioned they become argumentive and confrontational. When we fall in love we don’t see or want to see the bad in the people we fall in love with. We start to see their issues down the road and begin to notice some troubling behaviors. That’s when people will start to fall out of love and move on.
#5. Communication issues within your relationship. When you and your spouse/partner drift apart, and you notice and feel it, it’s time to sit down and communicate what you’ve noticed and what are your next steps to correct it. You want to bring out the issues in the open and figure out your next steps. If you sense you’re each moving in the wrong direction, it’s time to figure out where the disconnect is. This may be a difficult discussion, but it needs to happen. Put all your cards on the table and deal with it. This is not the time to be worrying about hurting someone’s feelings by telling them the truth. Marriage has it’s up’s and downs. If you both agree to sit down and start rebuilding your love for each other, this can be a very productive meeting of the minds. I would encourage that each of you listens well and not interrupt each other. If this talk is going to end with an argument as all your sit-downs meetings do, then maybe it’s time to move on. What’s the point of prolonging someone who has to be right all along without listening to you or your points of emphasis?
#6. Is conflict avoidance good or bad? Some couples are masterful at communicating feelings and their emotions, but this isn’t always guaranteed to renew the love in a loveless relationship. You may be able to sit down and communicate well, but if the same old problem keeps rearing its ugly head, you may say “what’s the point to talk, we continue to go in the same direction.” I know several people who will not argue or confront, they avoid any situation that may lead to arguing. They emotionally run from any fight, they’re not wired to fight, they have a tender personality and hate fighting. So, they bail on relationships that has strife and bitterness in them.
#7. The unresolved Resentment between you and your spouse can cause love loss at all levels in your relationships. How many of us have been angry at our spouse and avoided talking about our feelings to avoid fighting. Probably most of us at one time or another have done this. We all have had misunderstandings in our relationship with our spouse; we have failed to communicate our true feelings and assume that our spouse knows us well enough to know what were feeling and how we think. This is the anchor of resentment; resentment doesn’t go away unless you sit down and identify what exactly the resentment is.
Here is a problem many couples face and have no clue on how to deal with resentment. First, of all, what hurts do you need to discuss and why? Many of us use resentment against our spouse, and they have no clue why you’re angry. This will cause love loss in your relationship. Deal with it immediately and don’t think it will go away on its own. It will not!
Do you suspect that you’re falling out of love with your spouse? Do you feel like your relationship is drifting apart? Has the lack of love in your relationship caused your spouse/partner to cheat on you by using Facebook or Classmates.com? Have you seen the signs of them spending time texting excessively or on the computer? Do you need help in confronting your spouse/partners suspicious behavior? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow an old love to destroy your relationship. If your marriage has been threatened by or has ended because of a social media affair and you need someone to talk to, or need help in overcoming the pain you’re going through, please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people through the process of a broken relationship caused by social media infidelity.
Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at firstname.lastname@example.org to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!