Seventy Times Seven

“It may be infinitely worse to refuse to forgive than murder, because the latter may be an impulse of a moment of heat, whereas the former is a cold and deliberate choice of the heart” George Macdonald

I can remember the night that the police knocked on my door to tell me that my car was totaled. I was sleeping when I thought I heard something crash outside, I looked at my clock and it showed it was 12:37 AM, then I rolled over and went to bed. Then the knock at the door. I staggered to the door and opened it and saw two policemen. Mr. Brooks your car has been hit and its totaled. I said, what???? I looked outside and saw the car on it’s side. The officer said that they have been looking for the person who hit my car.

I got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, who could have done this I asked myself, and then take off without stopping. I was getting angry and wanted answers. They had none, and believe me, I wasn’t blaming anyone except the one who totaled my car.

The next few days, I was getting more frustrated with myself and the lack of answers from the police. I decided to go outside and have a good look for my own evidence. I found a trail of scrapes that were new and imbedded in the road, they went south from the spot where my car was hit. I called the police and asked for an officer to come over to the house. An officer showed up a little while later. I got in his squad car and we followed the scrapes for several miles, they waved from side to side of the road. The officer said that whoever made the these marks was drunk. We followed them to a farm house 12 miles from my house, and to a garage that had all the windows covered in cardboard. He said that we couldn’t enter the garage without a court order. All I knew was at the time that a drunk had totaled my car. I was steamed, we could not enter and see if the vehicle that hit my car was in the garage.

I had a difficult time forgiving the person who totaled my car, I wanted revenge, and wanted pay back. How could this person leave me without a car to get to work, and do my errands. I didn’t want any part of forgiving this person, they caused me a great inconvenience.

Has anyone else felt this way, I will not forgive this person for what they did to me? If you have, how have you dealt with it? What tips can you share with us. If you still carry unforgiveness, how do you deal with it? I know of people who have had loved ones murdered, and will not forgive. They live with the pain of a loved one who was taken from them.