Physical Touch (Part One)
I can remember when my daughter Alissa was born. I was 27 years old, was as excited as a dad could be. When I first heard the news that my wife was pregnant, I was thrilled. I remember telling everyone that I was going to be a dad, my friends teased me, and my parents were excited about having another grandchild in the family. During the process of planning and getting the nursery ready, painted, new carpet, a thought occurred to me. I have never changed a diaper, given a bath to any baby that made me very nervous, in fact it scared me to death.
It was November 19th in the afternoon when my wife told me we better head over the hospital, just a few blocks away from our home. I dropped her off at ER, and then parked the car. I quickly went back to ER and met my wife while she was talking to the nurse at the front desk. They wheeled my wife up and I followed along, wondering what was going to happen. I started not to feel so good, I was queasy, achy, and shaky, let’s just say, not in the best of shape. I started to get cold, and told the nurse I wasn’t feeling so hot. They carted my wife to delivery room and took me to the ER. This was a small town hospital in rural central Wisconsin. Everyone knew everyone, and the doc that came to check on me said, “I hear your wife is upstairs in the delivery room.” I said yes, and he said lets check you over and see what’s going on with you.
The year was 1979, if anyone can remember what was going on during the month of November and December; the swine flu should ring a bell. I had it and bad. I asked the doc to get me close as possible to the delivery room, which happened to be the Doc’s lounge next to the delivery room. As sick as I was, I could still hear my daughter being born, her cries, and the nurses laughing. Then one of the nurses came and told me that I had a baby girl. I wept with joy, and wanted so badly to see her, but as sick as I was, they would not allow it.
A few days later my wife and Alissa were released to come home. I was so afraid to hold my little girl she was so small and delicate. Then the defining moment came, when I held her, again the tears flowed, I now felt like her dad. I needed to touch my daughter to feel the connection with her, and she needed to feel the touch from her dad to know she was loved. So, physical touch is important from parents to children, as it is from children to parents. Think how important it is to each other in a marriage? During the courting process, or dating for you younger people, holding hands and touching are very important.
Physical touch is very important in your marriage as you communicate your love for each other. Can you remember holding hands with your spouse before you were married? Your first kiss, remember how exciting that was for you? How about your honeymoon, your first time being together sexually? All these feeling are communicating love towards each other. For some of your physical touch is your primary love language, you need the touch from your spouse to feel loved. Keep in mind that sexual intercourse is only a part of physical touch, not all of it. The lack of physical touch can make or break a relationship, did you know that? I talk to couples all the time about the lack of physical touch in their marriage, from both men and women!
I will get a spouse that loves holding hands and her husband will avoiding holding hands like the plague. She will reach out for her husband’s hand, and he will pull away and put his hands in his pocket. What is he communicating to his wife, and how uncomfortable is that for her to feel rejected by the man she loves. It takes little effort to hold someone’s hand, and he didn’t realize how much this hurt her, until I had both of them in my office. His wife let him know how much she needed his physical touch, not just in the bedroom, but throughout the day. This is important; if you feel that your spouse needs more non-sexual touches from you, then tell them, this is one of your needs, talk about it! Next week we cover the rest of physical touch and how important that is in a good marriage.
Are you having a difficult time figuring out what non-sexual touch is with your spouse and need help? Is it difficult for you to figure out what physical touches your spouse needs during the day without them thinking you have other ideas? Do you need help in discovering your love language of physical touch? If you answered yes to any of these questions, call Dr. Mike and set up an appointment to speak with him.
If you want to read past articles you can go to Mike’s blog at https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/ feel free to post your comments and or questions.