We all have them. Many are hiding in our private closets (minds). Many are attached to past events, people we know, and people we have dated. These are the ghosts that just will not leave us alone! We try to avoid and hide from them as much as possible, yet they linger and show up at the worst times. You could be having a wonderful time visiting with some friends at a party and someone might bring up one of your old flames or something stupid you did. If you’re like me, your face may turn red and you may start looking for an escape route pronto! The damage is done and the memories flood in. Maybe its memories about a person you once dated. You may wonder about what they are doing now or maybe the memory is about the great deal of pain they caused you. You find you’re no longer involved in the social aspects of the dinner party, but rather focused the past. People may think your being distant, but in reality, you’re watching old re-runs of past relationships or events in your mind’s eye. Has that ever happened to you? We all have to figure out ways to deal with these feelings of mixed emotions and hidden ghosts of our past!
A few years ago I hosted a bar-b-que at my home and had invited about 50 guests. I didn’t realize there were some serious conflicts going on between some of my guests until later that evening when I noticed that two of my guests were at odds with each other over the same woman. Both men had dated her, loved her, and wanted to marry her. She was at the party as well and was avoiding both of them. She was dating both of them at the same time and they both knew about each other. I watched this for about two hours and finally one of the men explained the situation and admitted that he was very jealous of the other man. It was amazing to see how they spent the evening talking negatively about each other to anyone who would listen. They would bring up the past mistakes the other one had made, who they dated and how they treated the ex girlfriends. They both had skeletons in the closest and plenty to be embarrassed about.
As the evening progressed I suggested he spend a few minutes talking to her. Although he said that he tried to, she avoided him. He was sure she wouldn’t talk to him because of the skeletons in his closet. He spent his evening standing in the back ground of the BBQ with his hands in his pockets, speaking to no one and just watching her. The person reminding him of the ghosts in his life wasn’t going to go away!
Do you need help with dealing with ghosts in the past? When you find yourself in a situation where the ghosts of your past are being resurrected have a game plan to get out and walk away, whether it’s physically or emotionally. Many people don’t know how to turn off the switch from the past and move on. Avoid any prolonged, random thinking of past hurts.
If you have someone in your life who likes to bring up your past and the pain you have gone through, say to yourself, “I don’t need you in my life”. Letting go of the past is the healthy thing to do. You want to focus on how to avoid painful past experiences. If someone I know starts talking about my past I change the subject. When the timing is right I pull them aside and explain to them they don’t need to bring up old relationships or dumb mistakes I have made. Most people don’t realize that their words are hurtful and will apologize when you let them know how offended you are.
Are you experiencing a difficult time in dealing with ghosts and skeletons in your past and need help in getting rid of them? Are you avoiding talking with certain people who might embarrass you in public? Are you struggling with clearing the air and making things right with certain people? Would you like to learn communication skills that are helpful when talking with people who want to hurt you by bringing up your past? If you answered yes to any of these questions, I can help you. Give me a call today! Master Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado.
For more information or to schedule a free consultation, call or email me at 303.456.0555 or firstname.lastname@example.org. All calls are confidential and your privacy is guaranteed.
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Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Life Coaching & Counseling Services