Last week we covered “Giving Gifts” I want to review what was in last weeks article. For those of you who have this high on one of your love languages, its one that bring a lot of joy to those who receive gifts from you. Do you enjoy receiving gifts? Do you enjoy giving gifts? I think if we wereto say it out loud, we probably like giving and receiving gifts. My story about my surprise visit from my daughter, brought so much joy to me. The lasting impression it left me, and I still treasure those memories as I think about them.
It has been a custom in many countries to give and receive gifts. It opens doors for all kinds of friendship, in gaining and forming new relationships. A gift is something you can look at and think to yourself, they were thinking of me, they cared enough to give me a gift. It doesn’t matter what it cost, its just the thought. Gifts can stir deep emotions. When someone passes away that you cared or loved, and you see a gift they gave you, it moves you.
Remember gifts can be anything your spouse likes. If this is your spouse primary love language, cost will not matter, its just the thought that counts. I found that you can buy, make, find of find a gift.
Today we want to look at giving gifts, but in a different form and that’s giving the gift of time. I remember as a little boy, we lived in Schweinfurt, Germany. My dad was the base commander and both my parents entertained dignitaries, other officers from different bases in the area, and famous musicians, television and radio personalities. They were well known for the parties they had at our home and on the base. It was mid afternoon, I just got home from school, and asked my mom if she would sit down and talk with me. I was 6 years old at the time. She said that she didn’t have time for me, and to go find something to do. I was crushed by that, I needed some time with my mom. Both parents we always doing something, going to parties, bowling, staying at the officers club, but never stayed at home. I needed mom time, and I was rebuffed for my asking. I went upstairs to my room and cried. Why do I remember that day? I have no clue, but my mom did as well. On her death bed, I stood by her bedside, and she asked me, “Mike, do you remember when you asked me to sit down with you and talk to you when we lived in Germany?” I said, why yes mom I do, why? She said, I remember how you walked away, so sad, and hurt, I could see it in your eyes how I disappointed you. Son, would you please forgive me? Wow..she remembered that day! She said it pained her as well. I told her, yes, I forgive you. I had tears in my eyes as she asked for forgiveness, that meant the world to me.
My point in bringing that story up is, I needed the gift of self from my mom. I needed her undivided attention. Not many kids these days get that from their parents, not many spouses get that gift of self from their partner. Why is that? Is it that we are so busy that we just don’t make time for our spouse or children? I think partly that is correct. Maybe we are just not listening to those we love, and feel that they will understand that our work schedule is taking up our time, or our hobbies consume us. If that is the way your thinking, then you better think twice!
Each and every week, I get clients who are starving for the gift of self from their spouses. They want just a little time carved out for them. Some of these people are just so fed up with it, they want out of a marriage because of the lack giving ones self to their partner and marriage. I have one client that is from another state, he called me and wanted to talk. He shared with me that his wife, will give him no time whatsoever. He wants the gift of self from her. He has expressed that so many times with her, he feels like she doesn’t get it. He’s begged for her to give him a half-hour once a day. She cannot commit to that. Her job comes first, her friends second, then her passions third. Where do you think this marriage will end?
The gift of self in never more needed, then in the time of crises. This is where the rubber meets the road. I once had a client back in Wisconsin that never seemed to get it, his wife became ill and he was never around to help her. She needed him to take care of her. She expressed to him, please help take care of me. He was always out doing stuff with the guys, out late and never at home. He showed up one night at his home to be greeted by an ambulance in his driveway, they were taking his wife out on a stretcher. He ran to her side, to be told she tried taking her life with pills. Thank God she didn’t end her life, but it was the wake up call that he needed. He was by her bedside the entire time she was in the hospital. He was a changed man, he give her the gift of self and saved his marriage.
Just having a spouse by your side in the time of crises, means so much. Its speaks volumes on how much you care and want to help. This is a visible symbol of love, but one that leaves a lasting impression for the ages. I think gifts are important in expressing love, its the thought behind what we give to our spouses and children. If your spouse appreciates gifts from you, then by all means, get something they will enjoy, little gifts mean so much. Try the little gifts first and watch the happiness you bring to your spouse, children, even your friends.
Here are some tips for giving gifts: Leave a card for your spouse where they can find it, write a short but sweet note to them telling them how much they mean to you and how much you love them. If they have a favorite flower, put that in a vase and leave it on the kitchen table for them to find. Send them a candy or flower gram at home or the office. You can make a card on your computer and give it to them. These are just a few idea’s that you can use. Next week we will cover Acts of Service!
Are you having a difficult time in spending quality time with your spouse and need help? Is it difficult for you in know how to plan a quality time event? Do you want help in discovering your love languages or that of your spouse? If you answered yes to any of these questions, call Dr. Mike and set up an appointment to speak with him.
If you want to read past articles you can go to Mike’s blog at https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/ feel free to post your comments and or questions.
In addition, online/phone Master Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment, from the privacy of your own home. Avoid the travel and time it takes to get my office. Since you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet with me, your anonymity and privacy is completely secured. I have many out-of-state clients; this is the most effective means for Life Coaching for those of you who are out of the state of Colorado.