Facing The Facts

When was the last time you were dealing with someone who wasn’t giving you the straight facts? They danced around your questions, changed the subject on you, then got upset if your continued to challenge them with the information they gave you. For example, your husband or wife, gets caught in a lie. You keep asking them for the facts, and they avoid talking about your line of questioning. “John, where were you last night until 11:30? I was with the boys” he responds, “OK, where were you, last night?” as you hear the hesitation in his voice and see in his eyes that he is searching for a lie of a story to tell you. How do you deal with a lying partner in a bad marriage, a dishonest friend, or a bad business partner?

Honesty is extremely important in any relationship, the truth may hurt, but the bonding truth creates will make any relationship last. Honesty in any relationship, whether its in a marriage, friendship, or business relationship, if you don’t have it, then mistrust becomes a major road block. How can you believe in someone or what they tell you if you question what they are saying to you?

I had a business partner that had a questionable reputation in our small town back in Minnesota. When we bought a business together and it became common knowledge in our community through the local press and radio station, I received several phone calls from good friends of mine, questioning my reason for going into business with this individual. I didn’t realize it at the time when we sealed the deal, he had hurt many past business partners and consumers.

I found out that he lied to me about several past dealings with clients, consumers, and the IRS. He showed me books that had been altered and had excuses about everything, I questioned him on. I had one of his ex-business partners stop by my office and spilled the beans about the man, I was about to set up business with. I was in the state of shock, and it was written all over my face. I had a difficult decision to make, how could I dissolve this partnership, before I lost my reputation in my community? I called my lawyer and let him know what I had been hearing from my friends and his ex-business partners about this mans reputation.

The next day I was in my lawyers office with the facts that were presented to me by his ex-business partner. This was enough information to end the business relationship I had formed with this con man. I was sweating and worried how it would turn out, but my lawyer did a great job presenting the facts and severing ties.

What do you do when you face the facts and don’t like what you are hearing? Do you say, well..maybe, I am not understanding and heard them wrong in what they told me! They would never tell me an untruth! People are out to get them, they are just down on their luck! I can fix them, I’m good at helping people! These are things I hear at my office or on the phone, when dealing with people needing help. If you can’t listen and deal with someone in a truthful manner, then its best to move on, and avoid this person!

When looking at someone and knowing that they are lying to you and you don’t challenge them or confront them, you are hurting yourself and the person that’s lying to you. Here is how to confront someone in a loving way.

1. Let them know that you know the truth, and would like to talk about their story and the facts. You don’t have to yell or argue to get your point across. The key is listening.
2. Listen carefully to what they say, then talk about each statement you want to talk to them about. You don’t argue about opinions or untruths, just stick with the facts.
3. If your talk starts to get heated, then call a time out or stop the conversation completely.
4. If you knowingly are talking to a habitual liar and are getting nowhere, then end the talk all together. There is no reason to get involved in a conversation that leads to frustrations.
5. If you feel that your friendship can no longer be based on trust and honesty, then move on and end the friendship.

Do you get frustrated when listening to someone that constantly lies to you? Do you want tools that will help you confront someone, that lies to you? Do you get angry with excuses that you keep hearing? How would you like help in learning how to confront a friend, spouse, or business partner that tells you untruths? Do you need help in ending a relationship that’s based on lies?

If you would like some help in dealing with personal issues in your life or the relationship that you’re in, you can contact Mike at 303.456.0555. If you need more information about the Professional Accountability Partner Program, call 303.456.0555 or go to contact Mike link to set up a free consultation appointment. Dr. Mike’s website is www.applicablecoaching.com all calls are confidential and your privacy is protected. Check out Mike’s blog at: http://applicablecoaching.com/blog/ I always welcome your thoughts and comments on today’s coaching article. Mike is also available for speaking engagements.