Do you have a Judas in your life without knowing it?
Betrayal is one of the worst feelings you will ever experience in your lifetime. We all have had it happen to us in one way or another. The feelings of hurt and pain can last a lifetime. I was watching a mini-series on the Bible last night and was wondering how they would promote Judas. Judas appeared to be a close friend of Jesus and the rest of the disciples. He ate with them, traveled with them and even had a close relationship with them. Jesus knew that Judas was about to betray him.
Today many of us don’t know who the Judas’s are in our lives. We find out through gossip, the legal system, and the newspapers and realize our world has fallen apart. I have seen people used in the game of betrayal. Families turn on other family members, co-workers turn on co-workers, and friends betray friends. Betrayal is as old as life itself. History tells of many stories of betrayal through the centuries.
Here are two of my favorite quotes on betrayal:
• “It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.” -William Blake
• When denial (his or ours) can no longer hold and we finally have to admit to ourselves that we’ve been lied to, we search frantically for ways to keep it from disrupting our lives. So we rationalize. We find “good reasons” to justify his lying, just as he almost always accompanies his confessions with “good reasons” for his lies. He tells us he only lied because…. We tell ourselves he only lied because…. We make excuses for him: The lying wasn’t significant/Everybody lies/He’s only human/I have no right to judge him.
Allowing the lies to register in our consciousness means having to make room for any number of frightening possibilities:
• He’s not the man I thought he was.
• The relationship has spun out of control and I don’t know
what to do
• The relationship may be over.
Most women will do almost anything to avoid having to face these truths. Even if we yell and scream at him when we discover that he’s lied to us, once the dust settles, most of us will opt for the comforting territory of rationalization. In fact, many of us are willing to rewire our senses, short-circuit our instincts and intelligence, and accept the seductive comfort of self-delusion.”
• “Many partners of addicts have told me they feel bad about themselves for staying in the relationship because of the betrayal they’ve experienced. They imagine that the people who know their past judge them to be stupid for staying with the person who’s caused them so much pain. I often counter this thinking, explaining that leaving may seem quick and easy because they can pretend they’re okay and the problem has disappeared. However, if you leave your relationship, you’ll be stuck with your pain and sorrow without the person you loved to help you sort it out. Why is this true? Because even though it feels as if your pain comes from your partner, it’s actually coming from inside you.”
How do you deal with someone who betrays you? There are many things you can do. I would encourage you to talk to the one who has betrayed you and find out what their reasons are. Get some answers before you end a relationship with them. Some of your friends who have betrayed you are going to make excuses. Some will admit to it and will truly apologize for their betrayal. The people you will see through will be the ones who don’t care about hurting you as long as it’s benefiting them.
Here are a few tips on dealing with someone that has betrayed you:
• Do not talk bad about the person who betrayed you, don’t stoop to that level. Keep your name clean from retaliation and bitterness.
• Have a few friends that you can trust and share your deep thoughts with. Don’t tell the world your troubles. Many will be more than happy to share any information that you tell in private.
• Do you have friends that are gossips? You know that they will share your secrets if they are gossiping about others.
• Forgive yourself. Don’t beat yourself up for someone who betrayed you. Just be careful who you tell private information to.
These are pretty simple rules to live by and keep you out of trouble. If you have a gut feeling that tells you not to share something with the person you’re sitting across from, then don’t! We all have instincts that warn us about the some of the people we hang out with. I will tell you, age makes no difference when it comes to betrayal. It happens on all age levels. Men and women both violate each other and education and wealth doesn’t matter.
My advice to you is: “Move on!” Don’t waste a lot of time and energy on the person who has betrayed you. There will always be a Judas walking around looking for a victim, don’t let that person be you!
Do you have any Judas’s in your life that you need to let go of? Are you fearful of those who have betrayed you and don’t know what to do? Do you need to confront someone that has betrayed you and need help in planning how to confront them? Are you dealing with bitterness from someone that has betrayed you and need help in moving on? If you answered yes to any of these questions give Dr. Mike a call he can help you! Call him at 303.456.0555
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