The Day you Decide to Divorce (5) By Dr. Michael Brooks
The next question to ask yourself, is there something your spouse can do to convince you to hold off on seeking a divorce? This is a fair question to ask yourself and to anticipate when asked. I would have a plan on how to bring that up and what needs to happen when you answer that question.
I had a client whose husband was always playing softball and never home. His wife had had enough of it. She was checked out of the marriage and had already talked to a lawyer about getting a divorce. She was left alone at nights while he played softball and never had help in raising the kids. Her two older boys aged 7 and 10 asked her why “dad” was never home. Her response was, ask him maybe he can tell you. The straw that broke the camels back is when he missed one of the boys birthday parties. Her parents were asking what’s going on with her husband and demanding why he didn’t show up for his sons birthday party. She was frustrated and said, he has chosen softball over his boys. Her mom and dad were livid.
They paid for her to seek help from a lawyer and talk about getting a divorce. After speaking with a divorce lawyer, she sat her husband down and let him know she was going to divorce him and take the boys and live with her parents. He was shocked and pleaded that he would change and give up his softball and be home with the boys. She said that she would have to think about it. He did some deep soul searching and knew he was wrong in picking softball over his family. They got marriage counseling and restored their marriage. Keep in mind that most people who want a divorce will give good reasons as to why they want one and the person who wants to save the marriage will give up hobbies, alcohol, bad habits to keep a marriage together.
In closing, if you want a divorce and there is no way to restore your marriage, be kind, be understanding and most of all be considerate of how you treat your spouse. They may have been through some difficult times and need your support even while getting divorce papers from you. Divorce is hard on everyone. You should know that how you present your position on divorce is critical and important to the person that you once loved. Being gentle is not a weakness but shows maturity and kindness.
Ask yourself these questions; am I filing because I’m angry and doing it out of spite? Have I thought through all my options of trying to save the marriage before I file? What are the real reasons I’m filing? Have I tried marriage counseling/coaching with my spouse? If you have answered yes to any of these questions, then give Dr. Mike a call he can help with this difficult process of deciding on your next steps and what to do. Call him at 303.880.9878
Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at firstname.lastname@example.org to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did! You can call him at 303.880.9878
Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services