Control, what Control?

Why do people mess up their lives, knowing some of the things they will do often results in major failures, minor inconveniences, and making themselves looking pretty foolish before others? Why is it that we have a difficult time in controlling our own lives? I often hear in my practice, “oh, I can handle it”, “I don’t really need anyone’s help”, “I can give up any of my bad habits at anytime I want to.”

Case in point, I want to lose weight, many of us do (remember the resolution you made in January). So, I eat a very healthy breakfast — eggs, OJ, turkey bacon, and an apple. I feel great; I will also have my vitamins and Omega 3 Fish oil softgels. I am really feeling good that I am in control. Work is going great, then, I start to get hungry…boy, I need a snack! I need a healthy snack, I say to myself. I go upstairs, look in the fridge and see cheese sticks; that’s not so bad. Then I see French Onion dip, and look up on the counter and see potato chips. Well, I can justify that I am having a cheese stick, and can have a few chips and dip, because I had a healthy breakfast. Cause I am in control and can have just a few chips & dips, believe me its not a few chips, but dozens of them. I didn’t plan to eat junk food, most of us will say that, but I couldn’t control what I needed to control. I felt horrible that I ate like that, for the rest of the day it bothered me.

As I sat watching “Hogan’s Hero’s” last night, I started to fall asleep; I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I would catch bits and pieces of the show, but honestly, I didn’t care and was just too tired to even bother. So, why did I continue to watch TV, when I knew that I needed the rest and a good night’s sleep?

I also have a workout program that I need to do on the treadmill, I walk everyday and make sure that I have times cut out of the day just for rehabbing my back and to lose weight. I don’t like missing any time for getting my back into shape. I know how important that is. One morning, I was tired, exhausted, and started to make excuses for not walking on the treadmill. “I might hurt myself and pull a muscle”, or “I have other paper work that I have to do and I will have to miss walking today, or maybe I can do it later.” I can find excuses to get out of anything if I have to, and I feel awful when I do.

The question I want you to ask yourself is this; Am I so powerless to control my actions that I may do the wrong thing at times? Is your life in an unmanageable state right now? I have a list of questions for you, be honest when you answer them, lets see how you do.

  • Do you know when to do the right thing and you don’t?
  • Do you know when you’re doing something wrong and you still do it?
  • When someone asks you to do something, do you make excuses to not do it?
  • If you know someone is in need, do you respond or avoid the person who needs help.
  • Do you struggle with people in general?

If you said yes to any of these questions, welcome to the real world. We choose to help others or do nothing at all. I think if we are honest with ourselves, we could admit yes, we have not been the great family member or friend to those in our lives and in need. I have had people ask me for help and I responded with a no, all the while I was in pain. We usually don’t help others if we are in our own personal pain, many times we can say hurtful things in our pain. The point in this article is to reveal that we do stupid thing when we are hurting. I bet we all could share some horror stories about the people we have hurt, including ourselves.

So, the question we must ask ourselves, why do we keep hurting ourselves in the process? Why do we repeat the same mistakes? When we are in control we mess up in so many ways, without realizing it. We will try to control other people in our lives, when our own lives are spiraling out of control. Think about this; have you ever tried to control your spouse? Your friends? Your kids? The dog or cat? I sure have, and hated the feeling that went along with it. What forms of control do we use on others? I had a football coach in college, who would use guilt and shame in front of the whole team, he would bark out “if you would have made that block last Saturday, we would have won the game.” He also would use fear to try you to see his way, and it worked. You would have the fear, wondering if he would pull you out of the game just to prove his point to you and your other teammates. I have seen it happen to many guys on our team and the bitterness it caused lasted for weeks. When do we notice when we are not in control? It’s when we are alone and have time to think.

The next several weeks we will be going through the steps to gain control in our lives in a good way without hurting others in the process. Control is a big issue in the home, and in the workplace. You have heard the term; he/she is a control freak, keep away from them. I want to help you in this area of your life.

Have you ever been told that you micro manage people? Do you have a difficult time trusting those in the workplace of not doing the job the way you want it done? Do you use guilt to get your family members to do things around the house?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, I can help you with Life Coaching.

In addition, online/phone Master Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment, from the privacy of your own home. Avoid the travel and time it takes to get my office. Since you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet with me, your anonymity and privacy is completely secured and protected. I have many out of state clients who prefer this means of coaching, this is the most effective means for Life Coaching for those of you who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado. I also have skype, another way to set up coaching or counseling appointments, contact me if your interested in setting up a skype meeting.

If you want to get more information about the Life Coaching Program, call me at 303.456.0555 or e-mail Dr. Mike at to set up a free consultation. All calls are confidential and your privacy is protected.

Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Life Coaching & Counseling Services
Skype: drmike45
Office: 303.456.0555