What are your Auto-responders? (4) by Dr. Michael Brooks In the heat of our anger is where we have to be careful in what we say. People love goading others into saying stupid things with their mouths. It seems some are naturals at it and enjoy seeing your reactions and do it for sport. Our professional sports hero’s do it all the time. They’re trying to get into someone’s head by harassing them before or after each play. Watch any NFL game and you will see it after a catch is made or a great tackle. The players get into each others faces and shove each other until a ref comes and breaks it up. Kids do it on the playground. How many times have you heard “I know you are, but what am I.” “sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.” But in truth kids get hurt very easily by the things said about them from their classmates. Heck, I think most all of us of us hate to be teased in front of a group of people. We tell our kids to ignore insults hurled at them. Yet, we adults don’t listen to our own advice some times. Auto responders are there to protect us from ourselves and each other. If you have a bad habit of using snarky comebacks use the auto responder to your advantage and be civil towards those you may not like. With certain people you may have to keep your auto responder ready at all times. I have people that I know that are critical and cutting towards just about everyone they come into contact with. I avoid these people whenever possible. What are the consequences of not using the auto responder? Well, that’s pretty easy to figure out. More often than not you’ll set yourself up for all kinds of ongoing verbal battles. People will see that you’re an easy mark and possibly you’ll get picked on by friends and family trying to engage you in verbal altercations for your reactions. Many people have lost everything by the way they respond to others. Marriages have ended because of mouthy comebacks. People have been murdered, injured, made lifetime enemies…just by responding with snarky or harmful comebacks. You don’t need to do that. Learn to use your auto responders wisely. They will keep you out of trouble. If you need help in learning on how to use auto responders call Dr. Mike. Do you struggle with keeping quiet when you want so much to fire back with a snarky remark? Have you gotten yourself into trouble by the things you have said to others? Do you need to learn how to control what you say and how you say it? Have you lost friendships over some of the things you have said and want help in repairing those friendships? If you answered yes to any of these questions you can call Dr. Mike and get help. Call him at 303.456.0555 today!
The Consequences of Delay (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks As I was talking with one of my clients on the phone a while back we spoke about how waiting could cost her the marriage she desperately wanted to save. Our conversation went like this “I’m waiting for the right time to tell my husband we need counseling for our marriage.” She never wanted to disrupt his routine or cause him problems in their marriage. He was demanding, disrespectful to her and their children…yet she felt that there would be a perfect time to suggest that they get marriage counseling. Well, I’m here to tell you she never found that perfect time to tell him that they needed marriage counseling. The wait for the perfect time never panned out for her and today they are divorced. If she would have acted immediately when she felt the need for counseling/coaching possibly her marriage could been saved. Who knows, but I can say that she would have felt better at least knowing she tried when she felt the urge to get help. The consequences of delay can harm you in many ways. Confront it now and don’t wait for the perfect time, don’t think that the problem will resolve itself and go away. It’s better to be in control when confronting a problem before it gets out of control. Here are my tips for dealing with the consequences of delay.
- When you notice that you’re starting to put off a task that needs to be done today..stop thinking that way..get it done today. Don’t put it off.
- If you have relationship issues, get help immediately..at least call for yourself. There is no perfect time, get help now!
- If you feel that your health is a concern, go to the doctor now! The delay can cost you your life.
- If you feel the need to make things right with someone, go to that person and talk with them with a humble heart.
- If you feel someone needs a helping hand, physically or financially go help them. You may be their only hope.
Why is it when men or women or anyone for that matter continue to hurt others for no apparent reason and don’t care? Let’s face it, I have seen some pretty ruthless people hurt others over my lifetime. They attack, accuse, and blame people in their own family and circle of friends. Most of these people are hard, cold and very calculating. This form of bad behavior is everywhere. I have seen it in my office, while shopping for grocery’s, even at the movie theaters. Other people notice it as well and rarely will say anything.I was pushing my grocery cart at King Soopers when a lady in her 40’s saw me coming in the produce section cut in front of me and just stopped. She looked at me and didn’t move her cart. She opened her purse pulled out her shopping list and started to look it over. When I started to go around her she cut me off again. I wasn’t the only one she did this to. I saw her do this to a few other shoppers. You wonder why? This woman was a minor player when it comes to people with a severed conscious. There are some pretty mean people out there and I’m sure you know some as well. What do you do when you have someone in your sphere of influence who walks away from their family? Or someone who has a family member who is ill and offers no help? Here is one woman who was nicked named “The Queen Of Mean” Leona Helmsley. She was a ruthless and calculating woman, she became impossibly cruel to employees and family. Leona Helmsley died of heart failure at her summer home in Greenwich, Connecticut on August 20, 2007 at the age of 87. In her will, she left $12 million to her dog, a Maltese named Trouble, while denying two of her grandchildren “for reasons that are known to them.” In 2008, a judge awarded the disowned grandchildren $6 million, and cut Trouble’s share to $2 million. In private, as it turned out, the grinning monarch wasn’t just demanding but despotic. Throughout her life, Leona left a trail of ruin—embittered relatives, fired employees and fatefully, unpaid taxes. Throughout her life, Leona Helmsley demonstrated not just a lack of affection for her fellow-humans but an absence of understanding as well. She was hated by many and showed very little lack of compassion for the hurting people she knew. In next weeks article we will look at the hardened people we live and work with and how to deal with them. Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!
Last week we covered basic excuses people make when saying something stupid. This week we will go over repairing the relationship and damage control. When you’re trying to repair a broken relationship from something you have you have spoken I suggest sitting down with the offended is the best action you can do to make things right between you both. Husbands and wives generally have to process what was said before they can have that uncomfortable face to face talk. But when your friend is hurt and you don’t see them that often then the process of fixing or repairing the relationship will take time.Sometimes a friend will react immediately when you say something off the wall, and other times it takes time to get a reaction from them. Remember everyone is different, they respond differently. Don’t expect your friends to just “Let it slide” as quickly as you think they should have if the situation were reversed. We are all different in how we react. People who are quiet may need a few days just to think about what’s happened to them before they really know how they feel or will react.If you’re the offender you might instantly realize you said something foolish and apologize on the spot, only to have your friend nod in agreement and say nothing. At that point in time you may think it’s over, but maybe it really isn’t. Give your friend some time to process your apology and see if any discussion is necessary. But don’t let too much time pass! If your friend starts to pull away from you, make every effort to make things right with your friend…that’s key! In a perfect world It’d be nice if we could always mend our broken friendships. But there are some things that once spoken can never be taken back that do irreparable harm to close relationship. If this is what has happened to you then your friend may decide to move on with the friendship, or avoid the closeness that you once shared. Your friend may need to build up trust with you again and that will take time. They probably will be distant for a while and that’s ok, while they learn to trust you again. Healing a relationship takes time and if you value that friendship you will give as much time that is needed for the healing to work. It can be extremely painful when you’re sorry for something you said or did and your friend still will not forgive you. It hurts even more when you know that the pain you have caused someone seems to always be at the tip of their tongue or just a thought away when you spend time with them….it’s just there and it causes an uneasiness between you. Let time heal your friendship, and be open and honest and allow your friendship to heal over time. Do you need help in healing a broken relationship? Is there someone that you want to reconnect with and want help in making that happen. Are you grieving over a broken relationship and need help in moving on? If you answered yes to any of these questions give Dr. Mike a call he can help you.