Why Do Women Cheat on Men? (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Why Do Women Cheat on Men? (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I received a call a while back from a man obviously in a great deal of emotional pain, between his crying and trying to talk; I barely heard his question asking me “why do women cheat on men?” He was crushed to find out that his wife cheated on him and decided to file for a divorce. I talked with him and listened as he shared his thoughts as to why his wife cheated on him. He had many ideas all which made sense as we spoke. When we hung up, I sat there staring at the wall clock pondering his question “Why Do Women Cheat on Men? I deal with both men and women who cheat on their partners all the time in my practice.

Young woman having autumn depression and crying

Women having affairs and cheating is growing at an alarming rate.

Then my mind took me back to a time when I recalled as an 18-year-old working for an apartment complex in a suburb of Chicago. I was a naive kid when it came to relationships. I took my work order to fix a leaky kitchen sink assigned to me. As I approached the apartment, I could hear a man sobbing on the other side of the door. I questioned if I should knock on the door or just leave and go to the next repair job. Well, my curiosity got the best of me, and I knocked on his door. He stopped crying and answered the door. I told him I was there to repair his leaky kitchen sink. As I walked in, I could see his eyes were swollen from crying, and his face was beet red.

I walked into the hallway area, and he followed me as I walked into the kitchen. He started to explain why his eyes were red and swollen; I listened as I worked and he shared that his wife cheated on him and wanted a divorce. I didn’t know what to say being an 18-year-old kid. I told him I was sorry that he was going through a divorce and wished him well. That thought of his divorce has never gone away from my mind; it’s something I know happens to both men and women. Unfortunately, affairs are a part of life.

The big question for you as a reader, what are your thoughts on women having affairs on their husbands, or women having affairs in a committed relationship? I have known women friends in college who cheated on their boyfriends and it was painful when the guys found out. I’d say it’s at an epidemic level these days.

So you might ask yourself this question, what do I do if I’m a part of the cheating statistics? You’re not alone I’m sad to say. Both men and women are hurt by affairs. If you’re the cheater or the one cheated on there is help for you. You don’t have to struggle alone. If you know that you’re still in love with your spouse, and you want to work through this issue of infidelity and save your marriage, you can contact Dr. Mike and work on a plan to help restore your relationship. Forgiveness is key to move forward and make your marriage work. There needs to be trust reestablished and honest communication to heal a marriage. If you want to save your marriage contact, Dr. Mike, now!

Women, have you cheated on your spouse and you need to talk to someone who can help you sort out the reasons you cheated? Do you want help in preventing future affairs? Are you ready to move on and want to know how to forgive yourself and put your affair behind you? If you answered yes to any of these questions set up an appointment with Dr. Mike and get the help you need. Call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878

When You Can’t Forgive Yourself (5) By Dr. Michael Brooks

When You Can’t Forgive Yourself (5) By Dr. Michael Brooks”

My friend, Ray, beat himself up and wouldn’t forgive himself for putting his dad in an Alzheimer care center. I asked Ray “you can’t forgive yourself can you?” He said that he promised he would take care of his dad after his mother passed away. His dad got so bad, driving his car on sidewalks, wandering around the neighborhood late at night. His dad wasn’t eating. Ray would drive 12 hours to check up on him. The next door neighbor would keep Ray updated.

Closeup portrait headshot senior man hard of hearing asking someone to speak up can't hear isolated gray wall background.

Ray’s dad never forgave his son for what he did putting him into a nursing home. Ray was dealing with his dad’s  Alzheimer’s disease. This still bothers Ray to this day what he had to do.


The traveling was hard, and the worry that his dad would get in an accident or die from exposure was too much for him. Ray had to get his dad to a care center. His dad told his son Ray that he was the worst person in the world. Ray was filled with guilt, and he couldn’t forgive himself for what he had done. His dad passed away six moths later. After talking with Ray, we covered the pros and cons of putting his dad in a care center. Ray realized it was in his dad’s best interest that he get professional care. He had let go of the guilt and self-unforgiveness and now lives a happy life.

One of the tools I gave him was to start thinking positive thoughts and make some positive changes in dealing with his guilt. Look at the good things you have in your life, I said. Do you have a family, love on them? If you do, center your time and affection on them. What can you do for them that they would appreciate or need? Go out of your way to help others who could use your help. I feel serving others is key in part of taking your life back. Make them the center of attention. This is a great way to let go of unwanted guilt and unforgiveness.

Now you need to let go of the guilt and self-unforgiveness. Create a safe place to go to get away from all these negative feelings that you have lived with. If you keep bringing up the guilt, you’ve been living with how can you add a positive outlook? Get involved with counting your blessings. Who can you thank who has helped you in the time of need? Are there errands you can do for someone you know is not feeling well? Helping others is a good way to take the focus off the guilt you live with and do good by helping others. You are in control of your feelings; you are solely responsible for letting go of the dark days you have lived in. Now you’re responsible for getting into a new and healthy way of looking at things. Life is good if you allow it to happen. It’s all up to you.

Are there things you just can’t let go of, and it’s killing you inside? Do you need help in taking the right steps and learning how to forgive yourself from something in your past? Have you been hurt by someone and need to move on with your life. Do you need freedom from past hurts and to let go? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call he can help you through the process of finding the freedom that you need. Call him at 303.880.9878 

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

When You Can’t Forgive Yourself (3)By Dr. Michael Brooks

When You Can’t Forgive Yourself (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Can you identify the hurt that you have and just can’t let go of it and is killing you inside? I know we all have hurts that we live with. Some are unspeakable and create great pain and frustration when we think about them. I had shared this story before about a situation that happened between my mother and me when I was 12 years old. To this day it still bothers me on how I responded to my mom when she accused me of something I didn’t do. Now as a 12-year-old, you’d think that I could control what came out of my mouth.
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She wouldn’t listen to me no matter how I explained the facts. And I have to say to this day she was completely wrong in what she accused me of doing. My younger sister took something she shouldn’t have. My mom didn’t even question her. This went back and forth for most of the evening. Finally, she said, “Mike give me back the watch that dad and I gave you for Christmas.” I told her “NO” she still demanded it back. I relented, and while handing it back to her, I told her that “I hate you.” I have never said that to anybody, yet I felt that when she didn’t believe me. Looking back, I felt a great deal of pain. I’m not saying I feel guilty about it now. Remorseful, yes, absolutely to this day I do. I have even forgiven myself for saying it. I know what the hurt is, I can identify that. I have let it go and moved on with my life. For some people, they just will not release the guilt. You have to understand that your guilty thoughts, your feelings being hurt, the uncomfortable feeling you have when you think about how you beat yourself up over something that happened years ago has to go. These guilty feelings are making you feel worse and will not allow you to heal. You are your own worst enemy. You have to break this bad habit of unforgiveness; it’s keeping you from the healing you need.

I will tell you that I have replayed this conversation between my mother and I over and over again. I saw us vividly in my mind’s eye arguing over that Roy Rodgers watch I got for Christmas. I have to say it consumed as a kid and even into my early adult years. I felt miserable thinking about it. Then I had an idea. I decided every time I would think about, how I hated my mother. I would stop that thought and focus on positive thoughts. I would think about; I am a good person, I help people when needed, I bring joy to other people’s lives. Believe me that helped me so much overcome the feelings of guilt and forgiving myself for something I said and had done years ago.

I remember telling my mom that I was sorry, she forgave me, and for her, it was over. For me, it was just beginning, of allowing negative guilt to consume me. I said I was sorry; that cleared the air with my mom but not so much for me. I looked in the mirror and realized that wasn’t me acting out the way I did towards my mom. Looking back it was the best thing I could do. If you have hurt someone, I suggest that you go to them and say you’re sorry. It needs to be from the heart and face to face if at all possible. It will help heal your heart and open the doors for healing communication. It’s great medicine.

Are there things you just can’t let go of, and it’s killing you inside? Do you need help in taking the right steps and learning how to forgive yourself from something in your past? Have you been hurt by someone and need to move on with your life. Do you need freedom from past hurts and to let go? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call he can help you through the process of finding the freedom that you need. Call him at 303.880.9878

When You Can’t Forgive Yourself (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

When You Can’t Forgive Yourself (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

If you live with this individual, you see what their unforgiving attitude has done to their health. It creates all kinds of health issues. Unforgiveness is like cancer to the bones. You won’t get better living in this world of guilt and shame, you may feel lethargic and can’t function. You may have other health issues related to the depression you allowed yourself to have, all because you will not forgive yourself. Here are a few concerns that I have for those suffering from guilt and self-unforgiveness.

  • Heart-related problems
  • Lack of sleep
  • Lack of concentration
  • Depression
  • Tense muscles
  • Fatigue
  • Digestion problems
  • Unexplained illnesses, there are many more chronic illnesses associated with guilt and self-unforgiveness to list here.

I want to look at what your next steps should be and how to move forward and take back control of your life. You need to be brutally honest with yourself when making a self-evaluation and letting go of the guilt that you carry.

Unhappy couple after fight not talking to each other

Forgiving Yourself Opens Doors for Healing

What did you do that was so bad that you couldn’t let go of? Put a name to it, identify it by name. By doing this, you start the healing process of self-forgiveness. Here are the four common mistakes we make in life and for some can’t forgive themselves for failing in these areas.

  • We give up on things that are traditional in our minds: like relationships in our marriage, family
  • Our actions have deeply wounded someone we care about
  • We have self-inflicted physical or emotional pain on ourselves by bad habits, Like smoking, alcohol abuse, overeating, etc
  • You failed to act when you were needed; you didn’t reach out to someone who desperately needed your help. Like family crisis, or disagreements you could have settled in your family.

Understand why the way you feel and how to deal with it in a healthy manner.

Can you specifically in detail name what the pain was that you caused someone? If you can share that with someone that you can trust this can help you sort out the details, you need to talk about. Keep in mind that we all make mistakes during our lifetime. You aren’t the only one who has messed up. We’re all in that boat with you. What would sharing with someone do to help me heal? Once you tell someone what you’ve done, this helps you understand that confessing opens the door of healing by realizing everyone makes mistakes. It helps you face what you have done and keeps you from being in denial and forgetting what you need to work on. It’s pretty easy to bury the hurts and past under the carpet and not deal with them. I can guarantee that these feelings of guilt will not allow you to forget if you don’t deal with them.

Are there things you just can’t let go of, and it’s killing you inside? Do you need help in taking the right steps and learning how to forgive yourself for something in your past? Have you been hurt by someone and need to move on with your life. Do you need freedom from past hurts and to let go? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call he can help you through the process of finding the freedom that you need.

The Day you Decide to Divorce (5) By Dr. Michael Brooks

The Day you Decide to Divorce (5) By Dr. Michael Brooks

The next question to ask yourself, is there something your spouse can do to convince you to hold off on seeking a divorce? This is a fair question to ask yourself and to anticipate when asked. I would have a plan on how to bring that up and what needs to happen when you answer that question.

Mature woman reading a book during springtime in nature.

When deciding to divorce look at all the pros and cons and see if you can come up with reasons to save your marriage.

I had a client whose husband was always playing softball and never home. His wife had had enough of it. She was checked out of the marriage and had already talked to a lawyer about getting a divorce. She was left alone at nights while he played softball and never had help in raising the kids. Her two older boys aged 7 and 10 asked her why “dad” was never home. Her response was, ask him maybe he can tell you. The straw that broke the camels back is when he missed one of the boys birthday parties. Her parents were asking what’s going on with her husband and demanding why he didn’t show up for his sons birthday party. She was frustrated and said, he has chosen softball over his boys. Her mom and dad were livid.

They paid for her to seek help from a lawyer and talk about getting a divorce. After speaking with a divorce lawyer, she sat her husband down and let him know she was going to divorce him and take the boys and live with her parents. He was shocked and pleaded that he would change and give up his softball and be home with the boys. She said that she would have to think about it. He did some deep soul searching and knew he was wrong in picking softball over his family. They got marriage counseling and restored their marriage. Keep in mind that most people who want a divorce will give good reasons as to why they want one and the person who wants to save the marriage will give up hobbies, alcohol, bad habits to keep a marriage together.

In closing, if you want a divorce and there is no way to restore your marriage, be kind, be understanding and most of all be considerate of how you treat your spouse. They may have been through some difficult times and need your support even while getting divorce papers from you. Divorce is hard on everyone. You should know that how you present your position on divorce is critical and important to the person that you once loved. Being gentle is not a weakness but shows maturity and kindness.

Ask yourself these questions; am I filing because I’m angry and doing it out of spite? Have I thought through all my options of trying to save the marriage before I file? What are the real reasons I’m filing? Have I tried marriage counseling/coaching with my spouse? If you have answered yes to any of these questions, then give Dr. Mike a call he can help with this difficult process of deciding on your next steps and what to do. Call him at 303.880.9878

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did! You can call him at 303.880.9878

Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services
Web: www.applicablecoaching.com
Blog: http://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php
Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/
Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/
E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com
Office: 303.456.0555
Cell: 303.880.9878

The Day you Decide to Divorce (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

The Day you Decide to Divorce (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

The day you decide to divorce there will be many things you have to consider. Who will your divorce effect? If you have children, they will be the most challenged in your immediate family circle. Your family, parents, brothers, and sisters, grandparents, aunts, and uncles, for the most part, will take this hard. I think it best that you have a game plan on how to share the news with your family and close friends. Consider those in the family that you trust to share with them your views and insights on your divorce. If you have a known gossip in the family and you know that they will add their personal insights to your private business and share it with others, do not share with them. They will be a problem for you in keeping sensitive information private.

Unhappy couple arguing about a possible divorce

Have a plan on how to talk with your spouse. You need to let them know why you have chosen to take this route and your next steps. Be forthcoming in your reasons and don’t sugar coat your reasons. Be upfront and truthful for obvious reasons. This will be difficult enough when you sit down and share the reasons why you want a divorce. Listen patiently and don’t get angry or upset when they challenge you. Not everyone will sit back and say something like “hey, that’s a great idea let’s get divorced and as soon as possible.” Most likely this will not happen.

Here are some things that your spouse may say that doesn’t want a divorce from you;

  • How long have you been thinking of wanting to divorce and why?
  • Let’s get counseling/coaching so that we can save our marriage
  • What about our children they need both of us in the same house
  • Oh you have said this in the past, I know you don’t really mean it
  • Please give this one more try, I’ll do better in our marriage
  • No, I will not sign any papers giving you a divorce
  • We can’t financially do a divorce, forget it
  • You’ll get over this, you always do
  • I’ll kill myself you just wait and see
  • I’ll do anything you want me to do, anything to not get divorced

There will be many reasons why someone who doesn’t want a divorce will fight it. Making promises to change behaviors that they can’t possibly keep. Hearing these pleadings can be heartbreaking. That’s why if you can save your marriage, and get help in deciding what is right for you then just do it.

Ask yourself these questions; am I filing because I’m angry and doing it out of spite? Have I thought through all my options of trying to save the marriage before I file? What are the real reasons I’m filing? Have I tried marriage counseling/coaching with my spouse? If you have answered yes to any of these questions, then give Dr. Mike a call he can help with this difficult process of deciding on your next steps and what to do. Call him at 303.880.9878

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did! You can call him at 303.880.9878

The Day you Decide to Divorce (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

The Day you Decide to Divorce (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

You’ve been thinking about it for weeks, maybe even months. You can’t pretend anymore that everything is alright in your marriage. You wake up in the morning feeling guilty that you’re living a lie. You remain silent; you avoid conflict or any confrontation for that matter. You agree to things with your spouse that you normally don’t, just to keep the peace.

There is always hope is you're willing to try to save your marriage!

Do you have a real reason to file for divorce?

You have thought about how unhappy you’ve been for what seems years; you find yourself daydreaming about being free and on your own. You see yourself in new and exciting relationships. Most people who are thinking of divorce want the peace and calmness they deserve. They think, why shouldn’t I be happy and enjoy the rest of my life in peace? After all, I’ve devoted my life to my spouse and children and need time for myself. I deserve a life that I can enjoy and not be accountable to anyone.

For those of you who have considered divorcing, I’m sure that several of these thoughts have raced through your mind after an argument, a sleepless night of worry or realizing that you want out. I see many clients who struggle with this thought process. It’s not an easy place to be in, nor to be weighing on your mind 24/7. In fact, I’m sure that many people considering divorce right now are struggling with pulling the trigger and starting the divorce process. It’s a hard decision and a lasting one at that!

I want to bring to your attention a few important things before you take that next step. Ask yourself these questions; am I filing for divorce because I’m angry and doing it out of spite? Have I thought through all my options of trying to save the marriage before I file? What are the real reasons I’m filing? Have I tried marriage counseling/coaching with my spouse? Are there tools that I need to use to help me make my decision for example; (better communication, better listening, better understanding, etc.?)

Impulsive divorce demands backfire and will cause you and your spouse a great deal of harm and irreparable damage to your relationship. I tell my clients look at every option and examine the real reason for wanting a divorce. Some people file because they are talked into it by a well-meaning family member or friends. You have to decide on your own and make this decision by yourself. Don’t allow someone to convince you into filing for a divorce. You will live to regret it down the road. I have had many people in my office brokenhearted and angry because they allowed someone to make the decision for them to file for divorce. The regrets these people go through is painful and agonizing.

I’ll ask this one more time, and I want to bring this to your attention. Ask yourself these questions; am I filing because I’m angry and doing it out of spite? Have I thought through all my options of trying to save the marriage before I file? What are the real reasons I’m filing? Have I tried marriage counseling/coaching with my spouse? If you have answered yes to any of these questions, then give Dr. Mike a call he can help with this difficult process of deciding on your next steps and what to do. Call him at 303.880.9878

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!