Are The Holidays Tough on You? By Dr. Michael Brooks

Are the Holidays Tough on You? (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I remember when growing up as a kid that the Christmas season was pretty exciting. Most kids don’t have a care in the world. Their world consists of friends, playing games, what’s for dinner, and when do we get to open presents? You knew that you’d be seeing distant family members sometime during the Christmas break. Maybe you’d have an Uncle Arnie like I did that would be there, he was the black sheep of the family, but always was your favorite uncle. He loved you because you paid attention to him and you were his only reason he came by the house to spend time with the family. The TV was on and you watched movies like “Its A Wonderful Life.” “The Christmas Story.” The entire family would enjoy Christmas dinner around the table together laughing and joking around. That’s the pretty side of Christmas, the one that’s represented on a yule tide Christmas cards. It’s the Christmas image we all would like to have with snow falling and a cup of hot chocolate.

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But for many people that’s not the Christmas they will enjoy this year. They have lost a loved one, they have gone through a divorce or separation. A once beautiful friendship was lost because of a bitter disagreement or someone moved away. A family member only has a short time to live and this family will be at the hospital or hospice sharing a last Christmas together.

For most of us adults, there is some sadness associated with this time of year. I think having family helps us deal with some of the faded memories we often have of lost loved ones. Maybe our parents who were really into Christmas, with their decorating, making cookies, hanging Christmas lights, and like my dad would belt out a Bing Crosby “Dreaming of a White Christmas,” and we’d all chime in and sing along. Sometimes there are good things to think about and sometimes they can a haunting memory of Christmas past.

In any case, be on the lookout for someone that is spending Christmas alone. Invite them over for a meal and present them with a small gift or gift card. That could mean the world to someone spending Christmas alone. The difference that would make for the lonely and brokenhearted person you know could mean life or death of their spirit.

The joy of helping others goes a long way for you personally. Just knowing that you’re making a difference in someone’s life and their family is a feel good moment. Have you ever thought, how can I help someone during Christmas? Here are a few ideas for you to ponder:

· If you know of a family struggling, offer to buy their kids presents.
· If you know of a family in your community or church, get them a gift certificate for groceries in your local grocery store.
· Offer to run errands for someone that is ill that you know.
· Make cookies or treats for a family in need.
· If you know of a family that has children and you know that they have limited income, buy a movie gift card for the entire family.
· Take a family out to dinner.

These are just a few ideas that you can reach out to those in need in your sphere of influence. It will take some time on your part but well worth the effort in bringing joy in other people’s lives.

Are you struggling with the loss of a family member, spouse or friends and are having a difficult time moving forward? Is Christmas so painful that you dread this time of year and need help in getting past the holidays? Are you hurting over a divorce or are separated and need to talk to someone about the pain you’re experiencing? Do you need help in planning how to get through the holidays? If you answered yes to any of these questions give Dr. Mike a call he can help you get through the holidays.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype at drmike45. If you’re interested skyping with Dr. Mike send him an e-mail and let him know who you are and your skype name. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life counseling and life coaching. We come to you when you need us most.

The Power of Your Words Give Life or Death (5) By Dr. Michael Brooks

The Power of Your Words Give Life or Death (5) By Dr. Michael Brooks

You want to create good memories of what your children think of you and how you are setting an example of how they will raise their families when they are on their own. Kids today live in a world of mass confusion. Why? It’s the electronics, mass media, the internet and so much more. Be kind in what you say to your kids. Be a parent and not a best friend. Be in control of your feelings at all times.

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Your words give life and death in your marriage, did you know that? Well they do and men and women need to know that. In the age of easy divorces and separations you really need to know the right words that help you build up each other.

What words do most divorcing and separated couples use against each other. Remember your words mean life and death to your marriage! One of the biggest death words in a marriage spiraling out of control is “lack of communication” avoiding talking with each other because you’re angry. You want to punish the other person by avoiding speaking or seeing them. I want to encourage you if this is your style of inflicting pain on your spouse it’s a recipe for disaster.

In your anger don’t say anything that your spouse will take personally. Don’t say anything about their physical appearance. Don’t be critical about their weight, being bald, the way they dress, the way they do their hair. Avoid going down this road. You may think it funny and say they don’t care what you say about their appearance…trust me it’s a deep painful reminder each and every time you say it. If you have done this in the past you owe your spouse an apology and never say it again. Words can kill a marriage or any relationship for that matter.

Don’t talk bad about your in-laws, another marriage word killer. Stay away and avoid doing this. You being married to your spouse and talking negatively about your spouse’s family can be a mine field for you and have some bad consequences for your marriage. I keep repeating myself here..if you don’t have anything good to say about your in-laws, then don’t say anything at all. I have seen some big arguments in my office from a spouse who has been critical towards their in-laws. I think sitting down with your spouse and explaining why you feel the way you do would go a long way in preventing issues with spouse and your in-laws. Finding faults with in-laws can be a problem for the entire family. State your reasons why you feel the way you do and talk to your spouse about them. Being constantly critical of your in-laws and not offering a resolution to fix the problem is unhealthy for your marriage. Ask yourself, do I have valid points or am I just wanting to complain about my in-laws?

Next week we will continue with our series The Power of Your Words Give Life or Death. Learn how to be uplifting to those in need with positive affirmation words. A single encouraging word can change a person’s life forever.

Do you need help in how to use uplifting words to those you know and you’re a negative person? Do you want to know how to respond to those who keep speaking negative words over you? Are hurting over a past relationship that someone said things that you still can’t get out of your mind? Do you need to move forward in your life but your still stuck with painful memories of what someone said to you or about you? If you answered yes to any of these questions give Dr. Mike a call and he can help you sort things out!

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype at drmike45. If you’re interested skyping with Dr. Mike send him an e-mail and let him know who you are and your skype name. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life counseling and life coaching. We come to you when you need us most.

The Power Of Your Words Give Life Or Death (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

The Power of Your Words Give Life or Death (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Have guidelines set in place, when you have that face to face meeting you will get to the heart of the matter without using hurting words to put your spouse down to prove a point. I believe that uplifting and encouraging words get much better results than your negative and condescending words. Keep in mind how you like to be spoken to. Most of us would rather be talked to in a civil and respectful manner. Always keep in mind that you have to be in control in what you say to someone or how you should respond to them.
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I had a friend of mine who wanted his wife to learn how to shoot a handgun. They went to a shooting range so she could learn the basics of target shooting. I watched as he worked with her. He was getting frustrated by the minute as he tried to teach her to shoot a 22 pistol. He was being negative in his words and very condescending towards her. He said to her “our 10 year old son could figure this out, why can’t you?” this isn’t that hard he scolded her. She was extremely frustrated and said that she just wanted to go home. He was at his wits end. The range master heard what was going on and walked over to my friend and asked if he could help her. My buddy said “certainly, you’ll have no better luck then I did.”

I have to say the range master spoke encouraging words and worked with her step by step and she responded very well to his way of saying things to her. He didn’t berate her or speak negatively to her. She actually did a great job and was very comfortable in the way he taught her to shoot. This made all the difference in the world the way she was spoken to. Remember the way you speak to the people in your life is important in the way they respond to you. If you’re speaking positive words and uplifting words to those people you interact with you can expect to be treated well. On the other hand if your words are critical and negative you can expect poor results in most of your expectations and communication with that person and lack of respect towards you.

I watched a mother playing with her Down syndrome daughter at a park one day. The child was about 6 or 7 years of age. The mother was laughing while trying to teach her daughter how to sing (Twinkle Twinkle Little Star) they both giggled, smiled and the mother never gave up. The daughter was enjoying the connection she had with her mother. Could you imagine if the mother was harsh towards the daughter while teaching her to learn this simple song? I would like to give you some of my tips on how impactful your words can be towards others in your life like your spouse, family, friends, and co-workers.
Next week we will continue with our series The Power of Your Words Give Life or Death. Learn how to be uplifting to those in need with positive affirmation words. A single encouraging word can change a person’s life forever.

Do you need help in how to use uplifting words to those you know and you’re a negative person? Do you want to know how to respond to those who keep speaking negative words over you? Are hurting over a past relationship that someone said things that you still can’t get out of your mind? Do you need to move forward in your life but your still stuck with painful memories of what someone said to you or about you? If you answered yes to any of these questions give Dr. Mike a call and he can help you sort things out!

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype at drmike45. If you’re interested skyping with Dr. Mike send him an e-mail and let him know who you are and your skype name. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life counseling and life coaching. We come to you when you need us most.

Electronic Devices Are Messing With Our Kids By Dr. Michael Brooks


I had a divorced mother call me a while back and wanted to know how to control her son who was addicted to his electronic games/phone. He was withdrawn and spent a great deal of his time avoiding people. He used his games on his computer and cell phone to pass the day away and his mother was concerned. This is a common problem for most parents today. Try sitting in any restaurant and see what’s happening at the table beside you. The parent is usually looking at their cell phone and the kid is playing games on his electronic devices. There is no communication whatsoever.
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I can remember growing up when kids parents would keep tabs on what they were doing. Mom and dad knew what was going on in the inside the house and outside as well. I don’t see that so much now. With the electronics that are available to kids these days is amazing. You can find the kids in their bedrooms laying on their bed for hours playing all kinds of games. Parents don’t have to go very far to find them in the house. Unfortunately most parents don’t know what kinds of games their kids are playing. I have heard from parents themselves that some of these games are so violent that they are worried about the effects they are having on their children.

Parents need to take control of all electronics their kids own or use. This does not only apply to electronic games, but their computers (Internet), cell phones, television shows and videos. Too many parents are trusting their kids with the things they watch or play. A random courtesy check is appropriate and necessary to make sure your kids are not getting themselves into trouble. Some parents restrict the time their kids are on the computer or watching television. I think that is a great idea. I know we are living in the electronic age, I get that! But there needs to be time for any family to sit down and interact with each other instead of being glued to the computer screen or the television screen.

You can’t develop family relationships when the your kids best friend is a fictional character on some video game. Kids will often withdrawal from family dinners, or are so preoccupied with their electronics on family vacations that they have no family connection or attend any planned events. It’s hard to believe some parents are perfectly OK with this kind of behavior. If you’re a parent who is sick and tired of your kids being addicted to their electronic games take heed. You may need to set boundaries with your children when it comes to electronics. Here are my tips to help you regain control of outta control kids on electronics.
limit the time you will allow your kids to play with their computers or smart phones (set boundaries for your children).

Have a curfew when lights go out and electronics are shut down.
Time outs can apply with all their electronics.
No smart phone or games while eating meals with family.
Home work first, chores second, then some time playing games or being on the smart phone.
If you’ve been disrespected or your set rules have been broken..take privileges away.
Poor grades, or poor attendance..good reason to take video games/phone away.

These are pretty simple rules to follow and they will help set your expectations for your kids. Stick to the game plan and your kids should follow your ground rules. Be consistent and remind the children there are consequences for bad behavior. Electronics can be very useful in helping kids learn school projects and doing homework…as long as it’s not abused.

Are you children unable to break away from their electronic devices and you need help in making that happen. Does you child avoid eating meals with you because of the games they are playing? If you answered yes to any of these questions..call Dr. Mike he can help you.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype at drmike45. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life counseling and life coaching. We come to you when you need us most.

Accepting Responsibility For Your Life By Dr. Michael Brooks

Accepting Responsibility For Your Life By Dr. Michael Brooks

How often have you looked at the people that you know and wonder how in the world do these people get themselves into so much trouble? Look at all the professional athletes who find themselves in trouble. There is no accountability partner for their actions. Most people let them get away with their bad behavior and chalk it up to entitlement privileges.

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It’s the same with entertainers. Look at Miley Ray Cyrus, she was a role model for many of our kids several years ago through Disney Productions. Many are wondering what happened to her? Many of her video productions are sexual in nature and not for children. She doesn’t seem to care whatsoever. She flips it in your face.

Look at some of our politicians today. We vote them in because we either trust them or pick the lessor of two evils. Yet, they fail us on a daily basis. I’m talking about both democrats and republicans.

I look back growing up and any mistakes that I made, I learned from them. I was responsible for all my actions. I didn’t blame others like so many do today. Its so easy to see that adults today blame their circumstances on their parents. If only I had or my parents would have done things differently. I hear so many stories with the clients I work with. Let’s face it, it’s pretty easy to blame others for the mistakes we make and many will accept that as an acceptable answer.

Blaming others seems to be the norm these days. Its up to you to make the necessary changes to have a better life. I will tell you it takes hard work to get anywhere these days. Nothing will be handed to you. Have a plan and go for it. Accept the responsibility for all your actions, good or bad. Sometimes life can be hard and life can be difficult. You have to realize that you are ultimately responsible for your own life and your own actions. You don’t want to be at the mercy of others who don’t always have your best interests at heart. You need to fend for yourself. My tips for accepting responsibility for yourself:

Don’t assume others will understand your actions or the intent
Immediately be responsible for all your actions
Don’t blame others for your screw-ups
If you need help in correcting your bad behavior get it
Speak truthfully when admitting your wrongs
Being responsible means being honest
The best advice I can give you is always be up front when taking responsibility for your actions. It will pay off in the long run.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype at drmike45. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life counseling and life coaching. We come to you when you need us most.

Through Disasters We All Stand Together By Dr. Michael Brooks

Looking back through our lives, what personal disasters have you personally encountered? Was it a divorce, separation, a loss of a loved one? Maybe you lost your job? For sure our personal disasters come in all shapes and sizes. They strike young and old, healthy and unhealthy. It’s not respecters of wealth or poverty. At one time or another we will face some kind of disaster in our life time.I have seen people come together for the purpose of helping others through their disasters when never asked. It amazes me when people step up to help others in need, the good feeling you can get by simply saying “how can I help you,” goes a long way!
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I got off the phone with a hurting client, and as I looked out my office window and peered out watching the fog roll by and hearing the rain pelting the window pane. I pondered on how I could encourage this hurting woman and the pain she was struggling with. She shared some deep hurts and wasn’t sure how to get past them. She needed answers in solving her problems. We’ve all had our own share of disasters, the question is how do we deal with them? I feel that many of us are a strong support for those in need and will help anyway we can. I had a client who was going through a rough spot in her life. Her husband had abandoned her with 3 small children. He was a drinker and failed to provide the necessary needs for their family. He spent money on alcohol and other women. She was a wits end and just wanted out for their children’s sake. Her husband was a part time dad when sober and her 2 boys and 1 daughter needed a dad. He made promises that he couldn’t keep and the pain it caused her kids was unbearable.

She filed for divorce and he drank himself to death, suicide by the bottle as some say. She needed support from family and friends and believe me she got lots of it. Many helped her through an extremely difficult time in her life. Have you had times you’ve needed somebody and very few showed up to comfort you? Or you may know of someone who is a struggling friend or acquaintance and they need you to help them face their problems. I want to give you some tips for helping friends going through disasters. Try them and see how you can be that lifeline to a hurting friend or family member.

• Listen carefully before you start to plan. Very few listen and want to help immediately. Sometimes you can’t do anything but listen. This is key.
• Get all the facts before reaching out. Sometimes once you hear the details you may not be able to help but will only cause more harm to the situation.
• Don’t commit to quickly, reassure your friend or family member that you will help them sort out the facts from opinions.
• Know what your limitations are and stick to them.
• Don’t over commit.
Be the voice of reason and not the voice of insanity.
• Know when to back out if you feel taken advantage of.

These tips will help you be a responsible friend and keep you out of trouble. After all you want to help someone in need not add to their pain. Take time to gather facts, don’t be an enabler, don’t rush into judgment.

Are you struggling with problems that just won’t go away? Are you needing someone to help you sort things out? Do you need someone that will just listen and not judge you? If you answered yes to any of these questions give Dr. Mike a call he can help you.

In addition, online/phone/Skype Counseling and Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment, from the privacy of your own home. Avoid the travel and time it takes to get my office. Since you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet with me, your anonymity and privacy is completely secured.

Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services
Web: www.applicablecoaching.com
Blog: http://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php
Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/
Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/
E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com
Office: 303.456.0555
Cell: 303.880.9878

The Narcissist “The Devil’s In The Details.” (7) By Dr. Michael Brooks

The Narcissist “The Devil’s In The Details.”(7) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Step one is to do your research on narcissism, read as much as you can and make notes about the red flags you have seen in your marriage over the years. The first step is extremely important to give you a peace of mind that you’re doing the right thing. Check the internet for blogs and articles that can help you understand what you’re dealing with. There are some wonderful blogs that you can talk with other victims of a narcissistic marriage.

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Step two, if you decide to end your relationship then do all your research and take careful notes. This is the hard part, start looking for a lawyer who understands narcissists and divorce. If you have a lawyer who really doesn’t understand how narcissism spouses go for the juggler you will find yourself on the losing end. Narcissists love the spot light in a divorce setting. They are so convincing with their drama and lies. If your potential lawyer has no experience with a narcissist divorce, keep looking for one that does. Your lawyer should be tough, very self-confident, understanding and trained to deal with a narcissist in a divorce proceeding.

Step three, your lawyer will ask you for your financials and your cost of living expenses. So get all your records together for your meeting with your lawyer. You will be in a battle of your life when you divorce your narcissistic spouse. Expect drama and personal attacks like you have never seen.

Step four, make sure that you have healthy friends to help you through the grief process of divorce. More often than not many times a well meaning friend will give you some bad advice. Make sure that you have people surrounding you that see potential problems before they get out of control. For most people married to a narcissist and they want out there is no looking back. Except when children are involved. That creates a whole new problem. You want to protect the kids at all costs. There are professionals that can help you deal with the narcissist parent and the children.

In closing, I want to let you know that for many of you dealing with divorcing a narcissist spouse is usually your last option. For the sake of keeping your sanity and the sanity of your kids is the last resort. You’re not a bad person, it’s not your fault the marriage went bad. You probably new the person you married was a narcissist. Many of my clients never new until it was too late and they overlooked the traits of narcissism. You need to make plans and start over with your life. Take time to heal and move forward slowly. You’ll get through this, it will not be easy, it may be hard, but you will move on with your life!

Do you need help in dealing with a narcissist in your life and want to figure out what your next steps are? Are you afraid of the person you are married to and need advice in how to talk to them? Are you seeking help for your spouse who may be a narcissist? You may ask yourself how do I talk to my spouse who is a narcissist? If you answered yes to any of these questions and would like some help contact Dr. Mike at 303.456.0555

In addition, online/phone Counseling and Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment, from the privacy of your own home. Avoid the travel and time it takes to get my office. Since you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet with me, your anonymity and privacy is completely secured.


Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services
Web: www.applicablecoaching.com
Blog: http://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php
Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/
Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/
E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com
Office: 303.456.0555
Cell: 303.880.9878