The Power of Your Words Give Life or Death (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

The Power of Your Words Give Life or Death (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I can remember when I was 5 years old getting into big trouble with my parents. I found my mom’s scissors and started to cut my own hair. There was several bald spots and hair all over the bathroom sink. After cutting my hair I found a tube of red lipstick in the bathroom and decided that I wanted to look like a clown and made big red circles on my cheeks and chin. I then added the red nose for good measure. I was supposed to be watched by my older brother Bob who decided he wanted to go to a friend’s house. My mom and dad walked in the door and my mom screamed in horror when she saw me. “Where’s your older brother” she asked? I looked at her and said “I don’t know.” My dad was trying to keep a straight face, but looked sternly at me. My mom walked back into the living room and reminded me that tomorrow was the day I was supposed to have my school pictures taken.
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I suppose that my mom and dad could have just lost it and spanked me. They didn’t…I sat and listened to my dad telling me that the scissors were dangerous and was told that I should ask permission to use them next time. My mom was very understanding and tried to clean me up from the lipstick. I’m sure some of you are wondering about the school pictures. I went and had them taken…in the picture you can still see the faint outlines of circles on my cheeks and chin and a very faint red nose. And the hair, well that couldn’t be hidden very well. It’s out there for everyone to see.

Now teenagers are a different breed of how your words are spoken. You have to be careful in how you say things to them. They can be sensitive and take things you say the wrong way. I have seen some terrific teenagers with incredible attitudes. I think parents have a lot of control in how their kids respond to things said to them. If you’re constantly berating your kids I’m afraid that the lack of respect you want from your teenagers is going to be lacking. Kids need someone who will sit down and talk things out with them. Not hearing how stupid, dumb, or childish they act. That will not work in helping kids during their difficult teen years. Be supportive and understanding.
My tips for speaking words of life over your teenagers:

• Ask them to sit down with you when you don’t understand why they do some of the things they do
• Be careful when angry and hold back on what you say to your kids, think about what you’re about to say. You can’t take back words spoken out of anger
• Avoid words such as stupid, dummy, idiot, no good, these promote negative feeling and lack of self-worth
• Try understanding where you child is coming from and talk about their needs, feelings, wants
• If you’re angry with your kids, by all means share why your angry without yelling, screaming, swearing. Be under control at all times.
• Take a timeout for yourself if needed, walk away and think about how you need to regain control and share why your upset.

Next week we will continue with our series The Power of Your Words Give Life or Death. Learn how to be uplifting to those in need with positive affirmation words. A single encouraging word can change a person’s life forever.

Do you need help in how to use uplifting words to those you know and you’re a negative person? Do you want to know how to respond to those who keep speaking negative words over you? Are hurting over a past relationship that someone said things that you still can’t get out of your mind? Do you need to move forward in your life but your still stuck with painful memories of what someone said to you or about you? If you answered yes to any of these questions give Dr. Mike a call and he can help you sort things out!

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype at drmike45. If you’re interested skyping with Dr. Mike send him an e-mail and let him know who you are and your skype name. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life counseling and life coaching. We come to you when you need us most.

What Makes Negative People So Negative? (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

What Makes Negative People So Negative?(1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I was listening to a negative friend of mine talk at a lunch we attended with several friends. He was down on so many things in life including his friends, his job and life in general. He complained about the world and the weather and anything on the news..he didn’t miss a beat with his negativity. I kept thinking about this man and the miserable life he said that he had. His whole life was centered about being negative and downcast. I rarely ever saw him happy about anything. I saw him work a room with his negativity. People that arrived happy to an event he attended usually left quietly and avoided him. Do you have people like that in your life?

These kind of people can suck the life right out of you. They may not know it, but you sure do. And more often than not you avoid these kind of folks even if their your close family or good friends. So where do you find these kind of people? well they may be co-workers, family members, close friends, church friends and even friends in school. They come on all shapes, sizes gender and ages. They may be your parents, might be a club member, they can be anyone in your life.
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What makes negative people so negative? Well my guess is many failures in life starting in someone’s childhood. I have seen it start with kids pickup games in grade school. I’m sure you can remember when you would get a group of kids trying to pick sides for a softball or kickball game. Usually the best players were picked first and the unskilled kids we’ll were picked last. I can tell you from my past experiences, I was always picked last in basketball, but in touch football or softball picked first…so I know the feeling of last picked and being first picked. When I was last picked it was pretty devastating at times. Let’s face it not all of us are good at every sport. But it does have an impact on kids that carry on into adult life. Being negative starts pretty young in life. If someone falls on hard times and they don’t get needed help from family or friends this can fuel into becoming negative. I’ve known people who reached out for any kind of help and not one person came to their aid. This rejection from family and friends creates negativity as well. So in my humble opinion I believe that rejection, anger, disappointments, un-met expatiations from people create a perfect environment for being negative.

  This is just an opinion but I think some folks are just outright scared to confront a negative person. They don’t want the hassle of a verbal fight or being challenged. They don’t want to be embarrassed by a negative person who will continue the fight.  Most negative people have a tendency to exaggerate or focus on their negativity, and ignore anything positive. When they become negative with you, don’t enforce their being negative by arguing with them. Just defuse the situation by non-committal responses. Like “OK” or “I see” it works very well. The less you argue with negative people the better. This keeps you out of their line of fire. That is a key point to remember “don’t argue with negative people about their negativity.” You will get absolutely nowhere by arguing with them.
In next week’s article I will be giving you some tips on how to deal with these negative people in your life or someone that you may know.

Do you need help in dealing with a negative person in your life, it could be a family member, friend or even a co-worker? Are you a negative person who needs help in eliminating a negative thoughts and actions? Are you struggling with trying to eliminate a negative person out of your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions please give Dr. Mike a call he can help you find solutions to some of these questions. Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype at drmike45. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life counseling and life coaching. We come to you when you need us most.

Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services
Web: www.applicablecoaching.com
Blog: http://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php
Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/
Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/
E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com
Office: 303.456.0555
Cell: 303.880.9878

The Narcissist “The Devil’s In The Details.” (7) By Dr. Michael Brooks

The Narcissist “The Devil’s In The Details.”(7) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Step one is to do your research on narcissism, read as much as you can and make notes about the red flags you have seen in your marriage over the years. The first step is extremely important to give you a peace of mind that you’re doing the right thing. Check the internet for blogs and articles that can help you understand what you’re dealing with. There are some wonderful blogs that you can talk with other victims of a narcissistic marriage.

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Step two, if you decide to end your relationship then do all your research and take careful notes. This is the hard part, start looking for a lawyer who understands narcissists and divorce. If you have a lawyer who really doesn’t understand how narcissism spouses go for the juggler you will find yourself on the losing end. Narcissists love the spot light in a divorce setting. They are so convincing with their drama and lies. If your potential lawyer has no experience with a narcissist divorce, keep looking for one that does. Your lawyer should be tough, very self-confident, understanding and trained to deal with a narcissist in a divorce proceeding.

Step three, your lawyer will ask you for your financials and your cost of living expenses. So get all your records together for your meeting with your lawyer. You will be in a battle of your life when you divorce your narcissistic spouse. Expect drama and personal attacks like you have never seen.

Step four, make sure that you have healthy friends to help you through the grief process of divorce. More often than not many times a well meaning friend will give you some bad advice. Make sure that you have people surrounding you that see potential problems before they get out of control. For most people married to a narcissist and they want out there is no looking back. Except when children are involved. That creates a whole new problem. You want to protect the kids at all costs. There are professionals that can help you deal with the narcissist parent and the children.

In closing, I want to let you know that for many of you dealing with divorcing a narcissist spouse is usually your last option. For the sake of keeping your sanity and the sanity of your kids is the last resort. You’re not a bad person, it’s not your fault the marriage went bad. You probably new the person you married was a narcissist. Many of my clients never new until it was too late and they overlooked the traits of narcissism. You need to make plans and start over with your life. Take time to heal and move forward slowly. You’ll get through this, it will not be easy, it may be hard, but you will move on with your life!

Do you need help in dealing with a narcissist in your life and want to figure out what your next steps are? Are you afraid of the person you are married to and need advice in how to talk to them? Are you seeking help for your spouse who may be a narcissist? You may ask yourself how do I talk to my spouse who is a narcissist? If you answered yes to any of these questions and would like some help contact Dr. Mike at 303.456.0555

In addition, online/phone Counseling and Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment, from the privacy of your own home. Avoid the travel and time it takes to get my office. Since you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet with me, your anonymity and privacy is completely secured.


Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services
Web: www.applicablecoaching.com
Blog: http://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php
Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/
Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/
E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com
Office: 303.456.0555
Cell: 303.880.9878

The Narcissist “The devil’s In The Details.” (6) By Dr. Michael Brooks

The Narcissist “The Devil’s In The Details.”(6) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Here is a sobering thought. Many partners who are married to a narcissist will end up divorced, why? They can’t stand the stress that they encounter each and every day. The drama is too much for them, they can’t deal with the ups and downs of living with a narcissist. The senseless arguments and fights never seem to go away. Each day you wake up and look at your partner you wonder is this the day I leave?

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Imagine that you have to deal with someone who is sensitive to criticism or a disapproving look from you. They blow up and remind you of your past history of mistakes in your relationship as if it happened yesterday. They are hypersensitive to negative reminders from you. They bring up petty arguments and you feel they are wanting to debate those arguments over and over again. They keep score and will always remind you’re a loser and you owe them for your success in business and raising the family.

Today we will be covering divorce and the narcissist spouse. I suggest that you research and read all the information you can get on narcissism. There is a great deal of information that can help you decide if you need to leave the relationship. Certainly if there is physical abuse you need to leave immediately with your children and find a safe place to go. You need to contact your local police and let them know what’s going on in case you need a restraining order. This is one area you don’t delay in. Your life and the lives of your children may depend on it.

Some of you may want to stay with this person and hope they will change or you can help them make the necessary changes so you will stay with them. This is the brutal truth about the narcissist spouse, they will not change no matter what you want to believe. This personality disorder in engrained in their mindset. They abuse and have little sympathy for their victims. There is no motivation for them to change, why should they? They believe that they are entitled to your world and own your world.

Do you need help in dealing with a narcissist in your life and want to figure out what your next steps are? Are you afraid of the person you are married to and need advice in how to talk to them? Are you seeking help for your spouse who may be a narcissist? You may ask yourself how do I talk to my spouse who is a narcissist? If you answered yes to any of these questions and would like some help contact Dr. Mike at 303.456.0555

The Narcissist “The Devil’s In The Details” (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

The Narcissist “The Devil’s In The Details.”3 By Dr. Michael Brooks

OK, I have a good idea on what to expect from a narcissist but how do you interact (communicate) with them? I find myself wanting to go toe to toe with them and just unload on them with all the attacks, and underhanded things they do to me. How do I deal with that?

Here are some guidelines when trying to interact with a narcissist. Remember when talking with these folks you are just trying to keep calmness with them. It’s difficult to please them and certainly not always enjoyable spending time in their presence.

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• Don’t expect too much from a narcissist, they demand much and give little. All they want from you is to be understanding and obedient to their needs.
• Many times a narcissist will expect you to read their minds and understand where they are coming from. So listen to what they say and be ready to repeat it back to them to reinforce your position in what you heard. Don’t argue with them, it only fuels their enjoyment of putting their victims down.
• Complement them when an occasion occurs. Don’t be syrupy sweet with them. Meaning don’t overdo your complement. They will see through this and will challenge you on the spot. Make it sincere and genuine. Don’t complement all the time…short and sweet will work.
• Avoid arguing with a narcissist, you will never be able to present your side and get a compromise from them. Remember it only adds fuel to the fire and they enjoy a constant fight.
• If you keep falling into the trap of wanting to fight and argue then back away and just keep quiet. Keep the peace in the house. Keep your boundaries and insist that you will not argue. Narcissists will want to argue with you through texting, phone, and e-mails. Avoid these temptations. Believe me you will be so glad that you are not falling into the trap that narcissists use against you.

The key here is to wait things out be patient, avoid the unnecessary disagreements, and avoid being sucked in by a narcissists, anger, selfishness, self- centeredness and the attacks directed at you.

Now on the other hand if you need to have a serious talk with a narcissist and it turns out to be an argument here are some tips in dealing with those situations. Be consistent in how you talk with a narcissist.

Do you need help in dealing with a narcissist in your life and want to figure out what your next steps are? Are you afraid of the person you are married to and need advice in how to talk to them? Are you seeking help for your spouse who may be a narcissist? You may ask yourself how do I talk to my spouse who is a narcissist? If you answered yes to any of these questions and would like some help contact Dr. Mike at 303.456.0555

Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services
Web: www.applicablecoaching.com
Blog: http://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php
Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/
Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/
E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com
Office: 303.456.0555
Cell: 303.880.9878

Notes from the practice field, college and pro football players!

Here ya go, for those who want to ask questions from some of the college and professional footall players, this is your time to ask questions. What do you want to know about summer camps, what practice is like, etc?

What will I do in the off season?

What will I do in the off season?

Many players are now back home and wondering what’s next for their personal lives and career in professional sports. For some the physical part of the game has taken its toll on body and spirit, and your ready to call it quits. For others, its a time of reflection, how can I improve my game and get better prepared. I hear all kinds of excuses made and promises never kept to make a change needed to improve someone’s game. I can remember putting hours of work into developing my footwork as a running back. My coach said I needed it, so I made a promise to him and myself to work on it. That was my commitment to improving my game.

Another thought is, I now have time on my hands what will I do with it? There are many ways to use your time wisely when in the off season. Sure working out to stay in shape is a good thing, but what about those things outside of football. Do you need to visit friends and family, maybe spend some time with your parents, grand parents, brothers or sisters? Reconnecting with those who are inside of your sphere of influence will help you become involved with their lives. When the season is in full swing, you can become distracted by family matters, its hard to focus on your game, when your hearing about your brother or sister considering getting a divorce from their spouse and are crying on your shoulder.

Do you need to complete some college courses or take some classes that will help you in life after professional sports? You should work on continuing education to keep in the loop. I know and have talked to several of my clients who are thankful they kept working on and expanding CE’s in their field of study. You have on-line colleges who have many various courses that you can take year around. There are times that you have dead time to work on an advanced degree during your season. Let’s face it, someday you will retire and need to have a job waiting for you, and having your degree with advanced courses will carry some weight when interviewing. You can’t live for long on your reputation of being a professional athlete. Many have tried and failed, my goal is to keep you moving in the right direction, there is life after football, just be ready for it. Advancement in your education is one of the best ways to get noticed and hired.

For many professional athletes its a time to reconnect with your immediate family. Spending time with your wife and children is a must. How do you reconnect with your family? Sit down with your spouse, and make a game plan of spending time with them. So, what does Quality Time mean?

Remember when you were dating, you looked forward to spending some time with that special someone. You probably thought about what you would do during the day, in fact you may have even daydreamed about the date. You envisioned looking into her eyes, or she dreamed about looking into yours. You would sit across from each other, listening to the music where you were eating out. You may have enjoyed the walks that you took together while talking about your dreams, goals, even secrets that you have kept to yourself. What made your dates special? It was the quality time that you spent together, fun times, and good memories that you made.

I can remember a third date with my now wife. It was a memorable date she will often share with close friends. Looking back, maybe slightly embarrassing when I look back now. I picked her up at her house. When she got into my truck, she gave me a very odd look. I wondered why, and drove on to our planned destination. As we arrived at Estes Park, she asked what’s that smell on your coat, it smells awful. I checked my pockets of my coat and found a bottle of elk scent (pee) that had leaked half of its content in my coat pocket. It was an awful smell for sure.

We went into Rocky Mountain National Park and started to look for elk so we could take pictures. This was a planned event for the both of us, we both love wildlife photography, we enjoy exploring the mountains and woods of Colorado. Cameras are great ways to do things together. We have had some wonderful talks on our journeys with our cameras. On our drive to a specific area we want to take pictures, we have some of our favorite music playing as we drive. We turn our cell phones off, and make sure that we each focus on each other. We have created some great memories and wonderful pictures together.

So, what is Quality Time? Have you ever watched people, couples, eating at restaurants? I love people watching, I can tell if people are mad at each other, if they are dating couples, old married couples. You learn a lot by watching people. I have seen on several occasions where married couples sitting together will hardly talk with each other. They stare at the walls, watch people entering the restaurant, text on their phone, it’s very obvious that they have no interest in talking with each other and if they do it’s forced. On the other hand a dating couple will look at each other, focus on each other, talk to each other; you can tell they are spending quality time together. They laugh together, at each other, life seems good.

When my wife wants to talk, I will sit down and spend whatever time she needs. I turn off the TV, cell phone; I will put away anything that will distract me from giving her 100% of my attention. She will do the same for me. Our talks are not always serious. She may just want to sit on the couch and share how her day went. One of her love languages is quality time. That’s very important to her. If she wants to go to plays, or a concert, I will go along with her because it’s important to her. If he or she needs your time, then give them the time they need.

Make a list of things that your spouse likes to do that requires your time. For example: She likes spending time in the garden, going out to dinner, my reading to her, going shopping with her, home projects like painting, hosting events at the house, like BBQ’s, music jam sessions, football games, movie nights for friends. She loves doing these kinds of things together. I want her to know that she is number one in my life. Do you do that for your spouse now? If not, then start planning to sit down with her or him and plan some fun things to do.

The main purpose of quality time is being together, not in the same house, not somewhere on the same property. You need alone time together and focused on each other. That is the secret of building a strong relationship, togetherness! How can you be focused on each other while watching your favorite basketball team playing? It’s not going to happen. Have you ever tried reading the paper while someone was talking with you? Or, have you ever tried talking to someone who was reading the paper? No dialog ever happens. So concentrate on what your spouse is saying, look into his or hers eyes as they speak. This shows that you are indeed interested in what they are saying.

One of the best qualities of quality time is, you get to share some alone time with each other, just think you can talk about some of your thoughts, some of your feelings, and dreams without someone interrupting you. Plan for this time to happen. Schedule a time, and stick to it.

Many times my wife would ask for me to share my day with her. She would say, “I just want to listen and have you talk to me and tell me how your day went.” So, my role was to share about my day. That was important to her. When she speaks, I listen; I don’t try to fix anything. We have a rule, if she wants me to just listen, then I say nothing. Most guys want to fix problems for their children, for our spouses, for co-workers. If my wife says, honey, I need your help; can I talk some things over with you? I need your help. That’s the green light that I need to help her, and she welcomes it. I know many guys who will not listen and want to start fixing things with out being asked for that kind of help. This is one of the first things I will go over in a counseling session. The rules of quality listening. This has prevented many on going arguments between spouses. Guys, if she wants you to listen, she has to tell you, “please just listen to me, I don’t need help.” Or, she may say, I want your help, but here is my problem, I want and need your advice. They can go both ways, you may need your wife just to listen, or you may need her help and seek her advice.

Here are some tips that can help you become a better listener. Look at your spouse when they are talking, focus on what they are saying. When they are talking, don’t look around the room, don’t watch the TV out of the corner of your eye (turn off TV), don’t stare out the window, again, I repeat look into the eyes of your spouse. If your spouse is hurting when they are talking with you, ask why? Don’t just let their emotions pass you by, find out what’s going on. Let them share until they are done. Then ask what they want you to do, just listen or do they need your help. If your spouse is wringing their hands, or fidgety, that is a body language you need to be aware of. Something is going on; ask what’s up after they are done sharing with you. Many people miss these signs; they are saying that they are hurting in a big way. Let them speak as long as they need, look into their eyes as they speak and don’t interrupt them. This often will discourage them from continuing to communicate with you. Your goal is to listen, and not speak.

I hope this gives you an idea on how to reconnect with your loved ones. Is it important? You bet it is. Professional sports is a wonderful experience and is to be shared with the entire family. It provides you with a good living, exciting experiences and wonderful memories. Now that the season is over, spend quality time with your family.