What Are Your Auto Responders? (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks We have all probably received an “auto responder” which was sent to us automatically in reply to an email we sent. This tool is used, for example, to provide a confirmation email when you purchase tickets or merchandise from an online store. Today, we are picking up where we left off last week where we were discussing, how at times, we may be verbally assaulted or have our integrity questioned, and in the heat of the moment, say things we later regret, as in an auto responder. As an example, in your circle of friends, there may be a pecking order. Many times you will see a few horse playing around where some in the group will start picking on the quiet ones and tease them. Many times a remark may be said in jest but may be taken the wrong way by those to whom it was directed. Pushed too hard, look out! If this group doesn’t know how to control their auto responders, hurtful words will start to fly. In fact, they may say some things that may be extremely hurtful. Hard feelings will happen and the friendship becomes fractured, never to be the same. We all react to attacks or uncomfortable situations differently. Some of us become silent, while others are just itching for a verbal altercation. For me personally, I like to step back and size up what was said and why. I can do this in a matter of seconds. I have trained myself to “weigh what I say”. What is the point of throwing out some verbal jab when you have no intention of following up with another one? It just makes matters worse for you and it inflames the situation. Believe me, most of us have said something as a response that we wish we could take back, right? I remember sitting at a restaurant while waiting for my meal, when the couple sitting next to me began to argue. I didn’t hear the beginning of their conversation but I and everyone in the restaurant heard the end of it. As she stood up and threw her white napkin down on the table, obviously frustrated with him, she stammered, trying to find the right words to get him to stop and listen to her. All the while he was making snide remarks and laughing at her as they got up and left the restaurant. All she had to do to take control of the situation was use her auto responder to say what she had to say and then get up and leave. There is no point in debating with someone who is being disrespectful to you. Make sure they understand it a moot point to debate you while they are being disrespectful and then walk away. Auto responders can prevent arguments if you know how to use them effectively. Instead of arguing, try using your auto responder. For example, let’s say you have someone who wants to argue with you and you simply don’t want to go there. Simply say “I’m sorry but I don’t want to argue, I’m having a great day and want to keep it that way.” Or, “Nope, I’m not going there, got to go.” There are many ways you to prevent an argument. Just make sure that you have an auto responder ready before you need it. Don’t incite someone wanting to debate or argue with you. Simply walk away. Many people have lost everything by the way they respond to others. Marriages have ended because of the way one or the other shoots off at their mouth. People have been murdered, injured and have made lifetime enemies just by responding with rude or smartelic comebacks. You don’t need to do that. Learn to use your auto responders wisely. They will keep you out of trouble. If you need help in learning on how to use auto responders call Dr. Mike. Do you struggle with keeping quiet when you want so much to fire back with a harsh remark? Have you gotten yourself into trouble by the things you have said to others? Do you need to learn how to control what you say and how you say it? Have you lost friendships over some of the things you have said and want help in repairing those friendships? If you answered yes to any of these questions you need to call Dr. Mike! Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

I asked my client at one of our meetings..”Do you respect yourself?” He responded by saying ya, I do. I am a fun loving guy who is good looking and has a nice job. I have a lot to offer any woman I date. She’s getting a great deal when she dates me. “So, yes I respect myself.” It was several weeks before I heard from him, then out of the blue I got a call and he was crying over the phone and really upset. He stopped by and shared that he was in love with a wonderful woman and she broke up with him! He said that she was everything he wanted in a potential marriage partner. She was caring, compassionate, understanding, loving, kind and fun to be with. They did all kinds of things together, concerts, hiking, dances, eating out. They had great talks and were madly in love. So I asked him what happened? Well, he said. When I first met her she had a great figure. As we dated I noticed that she was putting some weight on and I mentioned to her that she should start exercising to lose weight. I like my women just the right size he told her. She stood up looked at him and said “really” and walked right out of his life right then and there. He was shocked and thought that they had a great relationship and why would she want to end it. He cried as he shared this story. He wanted her back and didn’t know what to do. Then a light bulb went on after we met several times. He now realized how he mistreated all the women he dated. He said to me “how can I show respect to anyone when I have no respect for myself?” He hit rock bottom really fast. As he talked he opened up about the deep hurts he had in his life. He was a macho man on the outside but deeply wounded on the inside. He wanted people to think he was in full control when he actually wasn’t. People thought he had it together when they were around him but internally he was mush. He wanted so bad to get back together with this woman, he wept as he sat in my office during each visit. He was crushed and started to see how much of his behavior had caused this break-up. I asked him what did he do when she broke off their relationship? I reacted in a harsh way! I sent her texts and e-mails scolding her and chastising her. I attacked her, her family and her work. I was awful in my treatment of her. Then I would text her and tell her how much I loved her and wanted her back. She must have thought I was a nut case. When your true actions reveal the real intent of who you are you’re headed in for some real hard times. If your knowingly doing things out of disrespect, then stop now and get help before you do too much damage. Next week we will continue this story and what my client needed to do to get help for his disrespecting others. Do you have a hard time respecting others at home, work or with your friends? Do you feel disrespected at home by your spouse or children? Do you feel disrespected at work and want help in stopping it? If you answered yes to any of these questions give dr Mike a call today he can help you!

Living in the mountains has some incredible advantages. The views, nature in all it’s glory. I live on the side of a mountain that has plenty of wild flowers. My place has some of the finest wild flowers this side of heaven. The colors bust forth with florescent yellows, reds, purples, and blues. The wild rose bushes on our place produces some of the best fragrances known to man. I also keep the little grass that I have manicured and cut short. Mind you it’s no more then the size of a 20 x 20 square patch. It’s mowed with my push mower that I got as a gift one year. I want this little patch to look like a manicured golf course. I take pride in it. If the dogs leave a chewed up stick on the lawn I immediately pick it up. Before company comes I will go out and make one more grass cut to make it look nice. The back meadow has some fine tall grass and the elk love it as well. It’s never mowed on a regular basis. I weed whack it once a year at best and near the Brooks BBQ time on Labor day. One morning in August I went out to check the live stock and off the back deck I saw the dreaded Canadian thistle with the purple flower growing in the tall grass. It was about 3 feet tall and slightly hidden behind the pine tree. I don’t like weeds at all. They’re a nuisance and hard to remove. When I saw the one Canadian thistle I looked around and saw many more all over the back meadow. I was horrified. They were outta control. I went and got my shovel and commenced to digging them up. I knew if I didn’t get these weeds they would consume my entire back meadow. As I was digging them up the weed pile got bigger and bigger. How could I not notice all the grown weeds over the past few months? There were 100’s of them. When I thought that I had them all removed I would see more up on the upper part of our meadow. After spending several hours of ridding the place of Canadian thistles I was tired and took a break and drank my refreshing glass of iced tea. As I glanced over the entire area of the lower meadow and back yard and felt a sigh of relief. Then I thought what about the weeds we allow in our personal lives. The people who are consuming of our time and resources. Those who do not listen to good common sense and continue to live in a world of turmoil. The people who are takers and give noting in return. The ones who continually take advantage of others including yourself. Is it time we get those kind of weeds out of our lives? Like your yard, for most of us we get rid of the weeds that will take over our beautiful yard. I think for the sanity for yourself and family it’s time to make some personal changes with the people or situations you are involved in. If there is and you need help in doing so contact Dr. Mike he can help you. Do you need some advice on eliminating unhealthy people out of your life. Are you ready to take the next step and clean out the messy situations you are facing? Don’t live in a life that you can’t stand anymore..there is hope.

In the middle of the night I heard that voice again. “Make a plan!” I had a notebook by my nightstand and started to write down what was laid on my heart. Here is the list that we came up with:

·         Make a menu that is based on healthy foods, fresh vegetables, fresh fruits. Fish baked, poultry baked, nuts and grains, and lots of water and hot teas.

·         Rest and sleep, have a regimented time you go to bed. Mine was at 9:30 PM, and I had two 20 minute naps one in the morning and one mid-afternoon. No TV in the bedroom.

·         Have healthy people in my life, ones that care and want to do something with their lives.

·         Exercise, when I started out I could only walk 15 minutes twice a day. The exercise was a big boost for me because I got to go outside when the weather permitted. Fresh air helped a great deal.

·         And renew my relationship with God. We started talking everyday through praying and getting back into the word again.

I have to tell you these simple steps really turned my life around. I hit rock bottom and was tired being there. My health was gone, my finances were a mess, I couldn’t work. I started planning my next steps as to what I had to do to upright the ship. It was hard but necessary to move forward. If you’re struggling on what you need to do to regain control of your life, your family and or business just remember you can do it. If you know how to plan and work out a step by step process in making changes. This will be very helpful. Yes it takes time and energy to map out your plan, but in the long run it’s worth it.

I have watched others fail to move forward after they hit rock bottom and I wasn’t going to be one of those victims. Nor should you. Determination is very important and if you know what your plan is you’re way ahead of the game. I say plan and plan well. You can do this!

Part four will continue in next weeks article.

Do you struggle with not knowing what to do when confronted by life’s struggles? Are you afraid to move forward because your past mistakes keep holding you back? Do you want help in deciding your next steps to get out from rock bottom? If you answered yes to any of these questions then give Dr. Mike a call.

Mildred, the church gossip stayed busy sticking her nose into other people’s business. Several members did not approve of her extracurricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake one day when she accused Frank, a new church member, of being an alcoholic, after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town’s only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told Frank and several church members that everyone who saw his truck parked there would know what he was doing! Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn’t explain or defend himself or deny anything.

Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred’s house and walked home. He intentionally left it parked there all night!! (You gotta love Frank!) Needless to say, Mildred’s days of gossiping came to an end.

Last week we talked about how many of us struggle with gossip or being gossiped about. It causes a great deal of pain and divides friends, families and co-workers. This week, we’ll spend a little time talking about gossiping in church. We will explore how to stop church gossip because all churches have a “Mildred” and deal with this problem.

Gossip destroys reputations, ruins careers and breaks up families once the words have left the lips of a gossip. Unfortunately, anything can happen. I have wondered over the years how many lives have been lost to an outright lie or rumor, how many jobs have been lost in the workplace because of lies, or God forbid, marriages have been ruined because of lies and gossip!

These are a few quotes that I enjoy sharing when dealing with a gossip:

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
–Will Rogers
Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you.
–Spanish Proverb
The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.
–Will Rogers
What you don’t see with your eyes, don’t witness with your mouth.
–Jewish Proverb
We cannot control the evil tongues of others; but a good life enables us to disregard them.
–Cato the Elder
Never tell evil of a man, if you do not know it for certainty, and if you know it for a certainty, then ask yourself, ‘Why should I tell it?’
–Johann K. Lavater

If you have a problem with gossiping about others, it’s time to quit. Just stop! People who have reputations about being a gossip don’t realize what people think about them. As adults we need to see how destructive gossip can be. For some people it comes as a natural act and don’t even realize they’re doing it.

During my senior year in college, a classmate came up to me and asked why I was talking about her. I told I had no clue what she was talking about. She proceeded to tell me what I said about her. I stopped her and told her I had never said such things and then asked her who had spread that lie. She told me it was a secret and refused to tell me. That’s when I looked at her and repeated to her that I had said nothing about her and to asked the person who gossiped to meet the three of us and settle the matter once and for all. The person who had been gossiping didn’t want to meet with us. The woman apologized to me and appreciated my willingness to confront the person in question.

In closing, the way to stop a gossip in their tracks is to avoid these people at any cost. Many heart aches can be prevented if you are willing to stop the meddling people who gossip. It’s up to us – all of us – to help make the world a better place, and stopping gossip is a step in the right direction.

Have you been a victim of gossip and need help in getting over it? Do you want to confront a gossip who is harming your family? Do you need help in moving on and letting go of someone who hurt you through gossip? Are you someone who needs help in stopping your gossip habit? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call he can help you.

As I sit here in my office today waiting for surgery I am not anxious at all, at least not for now. I do not like needles and IV’s which I know are very necessary to help the doctors do their job, however; I am at peace and I know that my rotor cuff and bicepital tendon have to be repaired and Iam in good hands. I’m I worried not at all.

I think where people have a tendency to worry is when things are out of their control, and if they can’t control the actions others, they worry even more. For example, in divorce court, some may worry about mischaracterizations their ex-spouse and attorney may say about them. Many clients over the years who have gone through a divorce found themselves extremely worried about everything involved with their divorce and being in court. Most of their concerns were unfounded.

Another example is how we worry about our children and how they will turn out. I sure do as a father! I want my daughter to be a great asset to her faith and to the community she lives in. I want her to excel in her marriage and be a fantastic wife. Can I control any of this? No, not at all. I can only pray for the successes in her young life. I have laid out the foundation for her to follow and pray that she does!

So my question is, what worries you from day to day? Are your worries real or imagined? How can you deal with everyday worries so they don’t consume you?

For me that is a simple answer, I just don’t let unreasonable thoughts control me. I look at the encouraging counter thoughts. I believe that finding ways to counter my worries has helped me a great deal. When I start worrying about my daughter I counter my thought with the fact that she’s in God’s hands! That helps a great deal. If you think about it, what will my worrying do to help my daughter? Not a thing! So, I will not panic and I will trust God and let him take care of business.

My tips for dealing with people that worry:

• 90% of the things we worry about never happen.
• Focus on resolution and not despair.
• Have a plan that will help you through your worrying.
• Plan to speak to those who make you worry and tell them why.
• If you have a teen that’s learning to drive and taking the car for the first time, tell them to be cautious.
• If you have a relationship that causes you to worry, go to that person and try to repair and make amends.
• Figure out if the worries you have are real or imagined.

These tips work! Try them! Remember that worrying just causes you frustrations that you don’t need to live with. Do you worry out of control? Do you want to stop worrying and need help? Are you worried about your marriage and need help in deciding what to do? If you answered yes to any of these questions call Dr. Mike he can help you!

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!