Cell Phones and the Death of Relationships (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Electronics and the Death of Relationships (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

 I was at a Verizon store a few weeks back waiting for my turn to talk to a tech person. As I waited, I glanced over to see a woman with her son talking to a sales rep; the boy was about eight years old. She was talking loud enough that you could overhear her saying she was buying the phone for her son. He was not paying attention to what the sales guy was saying. He was watching people in the store. I’m wondering if she wanted him to have a cell phone because his friends had phones.
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Back in the day landlines were all we had. There was no call waiting, if the line were busy, you’d call back, it was that simple. Or if you had to talk to your friend, there were four options you had. You walked, rode a bike or drove in a car, or waited and called back. Now, you have Voice mail, call waiting, three-way calling, texting, messaging, emailing if you need to leave a message. I know that there are other means of communication.

I know grandparents are having a difficult time communicating with their grandchildren. Many seniors don’t text or like talking on a cell phone. They want to spend time with their grandkids face to face. I understand that there are reasons why this can’t happen, distance, health reason, etc. I would love to see grandkids reach out to their grandfather and grandmother and spend time with them. Not on their electronics but in a room with them.

I love to watch people at restaurants and how they interact with each other. I’ve noticed that interaction is now less and less. Go to any restaurant and watch how many in the family are on their electronics. They never speak to each other; they concentrate on their cell phone, I-pad, or watch the TV in the restaurant. I just don’t see the communication that families used to have many years ago.

I see many family relationships dying because of the electronics issue. Parents are taking away electronics is now a form of punishment and kids don’t like it. I’ve heard so many excuses as to why kids need to have their electronics, from the kids themselves. “My teacher sends my assignments on my e-mail, or they text it to me,” whatever!!!! Many parents are buying into this explanation, and will not talk with their kid’s teachers to find out if this is true.

Next week, I’ll give you some tips on how to deal with the abuse of electronics in your home. This is a major problem in the home today.

When Your Marriage Seems Hopeless (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

When Your Marriage Seems Hopeless (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

As I listened to a caller on my cell phone describe the state of her marriage, I could hear the anguish in her voice. She was in deep distress in where her marriage was headed. She needed some tools on how to talk with her husband, how to communicate better and hear his needs and share hers and her concerns. This couple was not connecting whatsoever. This frustrated her to no end. She loved him and admitted her faults to him and wanted a fresh start in their relationship. He wasn’t so sure that’s what he wanted. There was a great deal of pain on his part from his past relationships, and now he was comparing her to old girlfriends. This is not a place where couples want to go. It’s easy to get caught up in this kind of thinking. But, it’s also poisonous thinking and a killer of borderline marriages in crisis.
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When our marriages seem hopeless, we seem to struggle with finding ourselves and finding answers to our problems. It’s not easy being in a tight spot, and sometimes we say and do things that we don’t even understand. Hopelessness is a very strong word, and for many, it is a word that describes the situation their in. I often tell people if you’re in that spot, it’s best to step back and evaluate and take some time to let things set in and then make your next move. I believe in the realm of marriage relationships nothing is hopeless; some wise choices must be made. Whether moving on or sticking it out and working on your relationship, that is your choice.

I had a man come to my office and share his concerns about his marriage. He mentioned that he saw nothing but divorce in his future. His wife was always angry and they rarely communicated with each other. He hated going home, and I later found out she didn’t want him coming home. What a miserable existence they both lived in. We talked, and I gave him some idea’s on how to better communicate and how to become a better listener. Both felt that these were common problems in their marriage. I told him nothing is hopeless as long as you both can come to the table and talk. Learn about each other’s needs and wants. Learn to be able to share details and connect at a deeper level. Keep away from surface talks I told him, get to the point but be compassionate when you talk. Avoid blaming each other for past mistakes. Look to your future together and move in that direction. Avoid the pitfalls of bunny trailing in your conversations. Stay on topic. Unpleasant conversations can be hard but must be dealt with immediately if there is any chance of saving a relationship. What kinds of situations are called for immediate talks? Next week we will continue part two in this series.

Do you feel hopeless about your marriage? Have you given up and feel there is no way your marriage can be saved? Do you want to save your marriage but don’t know what your next steps are? Do you want to improve your communication and need help in restoring it? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow hopelessness to destroy your relationship. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Don’t Give Up on Your Marriage So Soon (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Don’t Give Up on Your Marriage So Soon (2)

By Dr. Michael Brooks

This week I want to give you some tips that will help open the doors on repairing your relationship. The first step is realizing that you need to work on the marriage and admitting that you need help. There is nothing wrong to ask for someone to guide you through the turbulent waters of relationship issues. The golden rule I like to use when doing pre-marital counseling and working on your marriage, is to make sure that you:

  • Communicate your needs, wants and desires well
  • Listen with open ears and eyes
  • Apologize often and ask for forgiveness
  • Make sure that you appreciate your spouse and tell them so
  • Be openly affectionate to your spouse, hold hands, walk arm in arm
  • Give your spouse the attention they need from you
Cute Young Couple Arguing

These are simple rules to live by and will help both of you enjoy a wonderful relationship that will last a lifetime. You both need to be committed and understand that an open and honest relationship is built on a solid foundation of love, trust, loyalty, integrity, commitment, and “I will not quit” spirit. All marriages can be hard at times, and they will have great rewards for those who are willing to roll up their sleeves and commit to making the marriage work. So many couples throw in the towel so early in the game and walk away from a reparable relationship. Some think that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, remember this, if you water your own lawn it would be greener on your own side of the fence (meaning YOUR marriage).

What is the dark side of giving up on your marriage so soon? 

  • If you have children, they will see you didn’t stick it out or give it your all
  • There is always a chance that the marriage will survive and become stronger
  • Resentment, bitterness, and anger will become a way of life
  • You will most likely go through the “what if’s,” down the road
  • You will wonder why you didn’t go to counseling and see what a counselor could have done to help you

Now, we also have to look at advantages of working on your marriage, and believe me there are many. I was talking to a friend of mine this morning, and she said that people are giving up on their marriages and not working on them as they used to.

Next week we will continue giving you some thoughts on how to proceed in repairing your relationship with your spouse.

Do you feel like you want to end your marriage, but you’re not sure if it’s the right action to take? Are you considering a divorce because you can’t communicate and nothing seems right in your relationship? Do you need to be heard and feel like anything you say goes in one ear and out the other? Have you begged your spouse to get counseling or marriage coaching and it falls on deaf ears? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow loneliness to control the new experiences that you can enjoy today.

Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped people going through tough times of deciding to end a marriage or give it one more shot.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Don’t Give Up Your Marriage So Soon (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Don’t Give Up on Your Marriage So Soon (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I walked into a crowded restaurant on a Saturday evening a few weeks ago, and amongst the loud and noisy crowd, I could hear a couple arguing with each other. I could hear laughter from men and women in different area’s of this sports bar; the TV’s were loud and showed several different college football games, yet through it all, I could hear this couple arguing. It was strange, as I was trying to locate where this couple was seated. I saw them at a table near the bar, they’d stop arguing at times and then start up again. I’m sure they had been drinking and really didn’t care who overheard them. The things that they were arguing about was why she didn’t want to get a divorce. He wanted one, and she didn’t, then she wanted one, and he didn’t.

Couple having argument

Couple having argument at a Sports Bar

I overheard her say to her husband that he wasn’t attentive to her and he spent his time on social media while on his cell phone. She would talk to him, and he ignored her. He wasn’t helping with the kids putting them to bed, they never sat down and talked to each other anymore. She had a lot of complaints, some I heard, and many were in her facial expressions. He would fire back with some insults and complain she was a nag. This went back and forth until they got their dinner bill and left the sports bar.

First of all, I don’t recommend that you argue or fight while you’ve been drinking and certainly not deciding if you want to divorce while sitting in a sports bar. If you seriously want to end your marriage, I will encourage you that you get some serious counseling or divorce coaching before you make that big decision. Go into these sessions with an open mind and find out what your issues are and then work on making things right. Some individuals are looking for any excuse to end their marriage, don’t be one of those people.

As it is, marriage takes a lot of work, and with a strong commitment, it will be a lifetime relationship. It will certainly have it’s ups and downs. But along with it will come great joy and satisfaction. There are many rewards that will come along with it.

Do you feel like you want to end your marriage, but you’re not sure if it’s the right action to take? Are you considering a divorce because you can’t communicate and nothing seems right in your relationship? Do you need to be heard and feel like anything you say goes in one ear and out the other? Have you begged your spouse to get counseling or marriage coaching and it falls on deaf ears? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow loneliness to control the new experiences that you can enjoy today.

Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped people going through tough times of deciding to end a marriage or give it one more shot.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Tis The Season For Divorce (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Tis the Season of Divorce (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

The third problem is that your spouse is married to their job. They can’t possibly leave their work at work and will bring it home for the holidays. They are constantly checking emails, cell phones, calling co-workers for updates. No matter what you have planned, they will get up and leave whatever is going on. You can’t reason with this kind of spouse. The job comes first, and you and your family comes second. This person seems unsettled with work and family. They do not commit to any holiday. You can’t get this person to take some time for the family. You may have Thanksgiving or a Christmas dinner planned and during the course of having your meal, and everyone is enjoying each other’s company, this spouse will get up with a cell phone in hand and will answer a call out in the hallway or in another room. This kind of action will make for a very angry spouse, eventually pleading and begging their spouse to turn the phone off. How many people do we know that will fit into this category? I certainly know some people that do and have seen it happen with my very own eyes.

Unhappy couple after fight not talking to each other

Divorce during the holidays is becoming common

My tips for this person and please listen carefully. If you want to avoid ending up in a divorce court pay attention:

  • Turn your phone off at dinner
  • If you must answer the phone have a certain time that people can call you and not be available all day.
  • If you can, let your staff or your boss know that you’re spending time with family it’s vacation time.
  • Family first, if you don’t make them a priority you will not have a family to worry about.
  • Pay attention to your spouse and kids; they need you!

These are simple rules to follow, but are necessary to keep harmony within the family during the holidays. If you want to keep your marriage intact, then I suggest that you work on a budget, have great communication and leave work at work and don’t allow others to fill your time. That my friend is reserved for your family. If you have time, make sure that your spouse feels important to you and love them as much as you can. Spending time together is a great way to heal a hurting relationship.

Do you dread the holidays, the family fights, the arguments? Are you considering a divorce because of the in-laws are making your life miserable? Do you need to be able to express that you don’t want to go to your in-laws and want the peace of staying home? Does your communication with your spouse, children need help? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow loneliness to control the new experiences that you can enjoy today.

Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times of loneliness.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Tis The Season of Divorce (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Tis the Season of Divorce (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Spending time together with your spouse is number two on the list. During the spring through early fall, families get real busy with work, school, and sports. The kids keep you busy, and there is no time for you and your spouse. You have deadlines to meet at work, kids events like summer sports camps, running kids to and from school. They have plays and events at school that you attend during the week. Kids are involved with soccer, baseball, softball, gymnastics, so you never get time to spend with your spouse. When the holidays hit you, they often lead to lots of downtimes for you and your spouse.
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Usually, there are no school activities during holiday breaks, and you and your spouse are not working, and you have the kids home. Then the kids get into fights, and you become a referee by yourself and no help from your spouse!! Something clicks in your brain, and you realize you’re not sure if you like the person you’re looking at: (your spouse). You think to yourself; you really haven’t spent any time with them during the course of the year. They seem to argue at silly things; sometimes your spouse will decide to take off to the mall, or spend time on their social media all day and avoid spending time with you. You get irritated and start thinking about being alone for the holidays. You don’t like the way you’re being treated or the way you’ve been avoided. You start to complain, and your spouse gets upset because you’re being selfish and demanding of their time. An argument pursues, and you stomp off to the guest bedroom and sulk.

I see this all the time and hear about it during counseling sessions. I’d suggest that you plan some time together on a date night and have some fun. You need to reconnect with your spouse at some level. Talk about a vacation that you both want and plan it, so you have something to look forward too. I suggest that when the kids go to bed, watch a movie together, or sit on the sofa and just have a heart to heart talk about life and what you want to do together in the future. This will help both of you to restore the communication you both need and want due to the busyness of your family.

Here are my tips for reconnecting with your spouse.

  • Plan a movie night out with dinner
  • Do something fun that you both like to do, walks, talks, cooking dinner together.
  • Have a family game night and enjoy having fun with your children
  • Find someone to watch the kids and take your spouse shopping
  • Plan your next vacation over dinner, no kids
  • Go to an art museum, go to a play

These are just a few suggestions for an adult adventure or a night out. I think this will bring back some of the excitement you had when you began to date. Plus it’s fun and offers some much-needed laughter.

Next week, I will be writing about the issues of work being brought home during the holidays. Not a good idea if you want peace and harmony.There will be Mike’s tips to help you through the temptation of doing work while with family during the holidays.

Do you dread the holidays, the family fights, the arguments? Are you considering a divorce because of the in-laws are making your life miserable? Do you need to be able to express that you don’t want to go to your in-laws and want the peace of staying home? Does your communication with your spouse, children need help? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow loneliness to control the new experiences that you can enjoy today.

Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times of loneliness.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Tis The Season For Divorce (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Tis the Season of Divorce (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

It’s hard to believe it’s that time of year, the holidays are fast approaching and with it, the rise in divorces. There is a reason for the rise in the number of divorces during the winter holidays. Can you guess what those are?
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One major reason is that couples will fight over money on what to spend and where the family will spend the holidays. In-laws come in all shapes and sizes when it has to do with their attitudes and opinions towards your spouse. Some in-laws will embrace your spouse and think they are the greatest son-in-law or daughter-in-law since sliced bread. Then some in-laws, on the other hand, will think that your spouse is a direct descendant of the devil himself. Your spouse can’t do anything right no matter how hard they try. Many in-laws will try to talk their son or daughter into divorcing the son or daughter-in-law just because they don’t like them. Believe me; this happens more often than you can imagine. Money seems to be a problem around the holidays especially Christmas. When one parent starts to buy outside the budget and does not inform the other parent, problems will start to happen. Arguments will happen, and the well-meaning mom or dad will wish they consulted with the other parent before their spending spree.

I’m sure we all want to make our kids Christmas fun and create some memories that will last a lifetime. I had a client whose wife would buy her husband and two kids presents. The day after Christmas she would take most of the presents back to the store where she bought them and get her money back. She couldn’t afford the gifts, yet the emotional damage she caused the husband and kids were a lasting pain they will never forget.

To prevent any arguments, I suggest that you have a budget meeting with your spouse on what you plan to spend and do this together. If you live within your means, there will be less arguing between you and your spouse. Here’s a question that you both need to go over, are the gifts necessary, like clothes, shoes, school items? What do you want to spend on fun things, toys, games, bikes, etc? Stay within your budget.

I know that teenagers can be very difficult to buy for during Christmas, but you still have to plan for it. Maybe you want to get gift cards for clothes, Amazon, or electronics. Having some simple idea’s on your spending options will prevent problems down the road. If you’re on a tight budget, then I suggest that spending quality time with your kids can be lots of fun. Have a game night, make popcorn and play the games your kids like and enjoy. Go to the movies together, spend time talking about their favorite parts and why. The more time you spend being with the kids, the less time they will dwell on what they didn’t get from you. Most kids understand the lack of funds and why no gifts are under the tree. Have activities that are geared towards the kids, like making Christmas cookies together, bless others with the cookies that you make and have the kids be a part of delivering them. The joy they will bring to others is amazing.

Next week I will be writing about the way you communicate with your spouse and family members. An important topic during the holidays.

Do you dread the holidays, the family fights, the arguments? Are you considering a divorce because of the in-laws are making your life miserable? Do you need to be able to express that you don’t want to go to your in-laws and want the peace of staying home? Does your communication with your spouse, children need help? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow loneliness to control the new experiences that you can enjoy today.

Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times of loneliness.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!