Can You Save Your Marriage Alone? (Part Four)
Last week I shared several bullet points on what needed to be done to head down the road to a possible reconciliation in your marriage. Talking with each other is key. Arguing will not help you get your point across. Many couples seem to go down this road without having set ground rules as to howthey will discuss the things they on which they disagree. It’s a fact: you will get angry and you will want to make sure you are heard. When this starts to happen, it’s best to take a time out and then come back to the table at a later time. Try to understand what is making you angry. It’s important both parties are able to share their thoughts and discuss them in an open, honest and safe environment. That’s why setting the ground rules prior to discussing your concerns is important.
Let’s continue on with “How to Save Your Marriage alone”.
What if your spouse is having an affair? What are the steps to take to save your marriage? Believe it or not, most spouses want to save their marriages, even when infidelity is involved. There is hope for you if you want to save your marriage even if you think it can’t! All that is needed is one person who wants to bring the marriage back to life and is committed to making it happen.
Here are a few steps to take to save your marriage. Be open to the hard work that will be required. I want to stress that the work required to save a marriage will take every ounce of strength to make it happen. Many marriages fail because one of the partners has lost interest, energy and endurance to go on. If you feel that is happening to you or your spouse, then back off for a while. Believe me, it’s worth the fight to save your marriage alone. Give it your all and see where it goes.
• Stand up for your marriage. Be strong and determined to make it work.
• Some people will walk away from a spouse who was unfaithful. If you are serious about saving your marriage then you will need to be 100% committed to work through the pain and disappointment. Many people say divorce is worse than death. How true! Death is final but divorce lives a life of its own.
• Identify and fix the past mistakes you and your spouse have made.
• Remember, the easy way out isn’t always the best way. Avoid filing for divorce and don’t let your knee-jerk reaction control your emotions. Take time to think things over. In the long run you will be glad you did.
• If you find out that your spouse is cheating on you, keep the children out of it. This is very important. Don’t poison your children against the cheating spouse.
The odds against saving your marriage depend on how you react to different situations. For example, I had a client whose wife accused him of having several affairs. The guy swore up and down that he had never been unfaithful. Her friends even told her that they were suspicious. After several months of separation, my client finally realized that her husband was telling the truth and never had an affair. The lies being spread about him through some of her close friends were unfounded and unfair. Unfortunately, she remarried another man and now she wanted to divorce him and reunite with her first husband. Had she not listened to her friends while her husband was working through his issues, she would probably be married to him today. What a heart breaking story.
This marriage could have been saved if only she would have waited to see the changes in her husband’s life. It makes it much harder to save a marriage when the wandering spouse is interested in someone else. The spouse who leaves often comes back if the one who has been cheated on can stay the course and wait it out. But the waiting partner must not argue, browbeat, coerce, grovel, or complain to their wayward spouse. How you handle disappointment in a troubled marriage is crucial in winning back your spouse.
If you want to save your marriage and need help in doing so, contact Dr. Mike for his advice. You will receive a free, no obligation, 30-minute consultation. Call today for your appointment.
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