As I sat listening to the young woman describe what she thought her boundaries should look like I heard a list of demands that were, quite frankly, over the edge. Boundaries are for keeping sanity in your life and not for keeping people from being close to you. Boundaries are not to be used as weapons against those we know and love. Many times people who set boundaries are afraid that they will upset the people they love. Does that concern you? Some people actually feel guilty for having boundaries.
In my line of work, I have to be at my best. I want as much information possible at my finger tips so I read at least one book each week; attend seminars; and keep up-to-date with my continuing education classes. Like most professionals, I believe it’s very important to be “in the know” and up-to-speed on all the latest information that will help me provide the best counseling services to my clients. I enjoy that time of study each and every day. Over the years as my practice has grown, I have found it has become more difficult to find time to read. This was really bothering me! One day, out of frustration, I picked up my calendar and blocked out time that afforded me time to study and read. Still to this day, I now have time to read! It is a part of my daily agenda. Setting this boundary wasn’t hard to do! I just had to follow through to make it happen!
I get asked the question, “Where should I center my boundaries?” If someone wants your time, your money, or wants your love, then you need to set boundaries. Time boundaries are easy to violate. Remember the young woman I wrote about last week? She didn’t set any time limits for the date with her boyfriend and unfortunately she paid the price by being tired at work the next day. Why? She didn’t tell her date she needed to be back at home by a certain time. She allowed her time boundary to be violated.
Let’s say there is a timeline that a certain job has to be completed at work and if it is not done correctly and on time your job is at risk. What would you do to make sure that doesn’t happen? I’m sure that you would not take calls at your desk or allow co-workers to stop and talk about “Dancing with the Stars”. Nor would you start texting or return text messages from friends and family. The reason is your boss put a timeline for his project to get completed. Can you do that in your own personal life? Can you be disciplined enough to make that happen? I like to ask my clients these questions: Who owns you? Who controls you? Do you control your mind, or does your mind control you?
In your opinion, what are the three boundaries where people constantly violate your time? This list can include your children, family, friends, co-workers or acquaintances. Why do you feel they violate these boundaries? How frustrated do you feel when you are unable to say anything about it? What holds you back from saying anything to them? These are the fact finding questions that you must ask yourself. Time is a precious commodity to waste. It’s like gold or a rare coin. You need to protect it at all costs.
Now list the three top offenders who violate your time. List how they violate your time and what are your plans are to make changes. What will these changes do to improve your boundaries?
We all struggle with boundaries. Do you need help setting up your boundaries? Do you have difficulty telling people ‘no’? Are you tired of letting people walk all over you? Does your spouse, children or co-workers need to know your boundaries? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you need to call Dr. Mike today.
Master Life Coaching, Divorce coaching and counseling is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype (drmike45). The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado.