Boundaries in Love (Part One)
A recent client of mine shared with me how desperately she wanted to be married and was afraid she would never meet the right man. She was a full-time working mother of two small children. I asked her to give me all the reasons why she really wanted to be married. She said she needed someone who would help her raise her children and provide the companionship she longed for. When I asked her to dig a little deeper, we got to the heart of the matter.
“I don’t want to be lonely and alone.” She went on to say, “And I can’t stand it that people think I’m a loser in my three failed marriages. I just can’t even think about not having a man in my life.” I’m sure many of you reading this know someone who feels this way. It’s really sad that people get involved in relationships just to avoid being lonely. At times you may hear the other side of the coin where people say they can’t wait to be on their own and by themselves, longing for a break from their relationships.
So you ask yourself, “What’s love got to do with it?” It’s certainly not the one night stands, nor is it the dating machine people may think you are. Having boundaries in your love life keeps you out of trouble and keeps you safe while looking for the right person to come along.
What are some boundaries you have established life that help you as you search for the right person? Do you date people only for their good looks or because they have money? Do you date people for their celebrity status or fame? Do you date people because they love to party? Or do you date someone for their compassion or their kindness? Do you date someone because of their funny personality and fine sense of humor? How about dating the person who puts you first and truly enjoys spending time with you? Do you date someone you can talk to and listens to you?
We all struggle with boundaries. Do you need help setting up your boundaries in your love life? Do you have difficulty telling people ‘no’ who push the limits of your boundaries? Are you tired of letting people walk all over you? Do you attract the wrong kind of people? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you need to see Dr. Mikes next article on part two “Boundaries in Love (Part Two)