Worst Christmas Ever (1)

By Candaise Young – Certified Life Coach

Our worst Christmas ever really started during Thanksgiving while my husband and I had been separated for several months. Let me start out by saying that Thanksgiving and Christmas are my favorite times of the year. My childhood memories are filled with wonderful Christmas past, the lights, the bright colors, the smell of cookies and Christmas trees. Also my large family being together our laughter the food and days of joy. Every Thanksgiving and Christmas I want to bring excitement to everything I do preparing the best holiday experience for everyone.

Why It Started

Five days, or so, before Thanksgiving I caught the flu. This was the real deal, throwing up, fever and other kinds of fun times I don’t care to mention. I can’t remember the last time I was so sick. Talk about bad timing. I still had to buy all the groceries, cook our food and clean the house. The twins, who were nine years old at the time, worked hard helping me clean the entire house, while I ran back and forth to the bathroom. By the time Thanksgiving came around, we had a clean house, and everything pretty much cooked, except for our turkey, which I had to start Thanksgiving morning.

Make a point to keep the children’s holidays joyful and stress free from an angry spouse.

Early Thursday morning I forced my sick, feverish body out of bed to get the turkey dressed, and loaded into the oven. I was grateful when my husband showed up later that day because it meant I could take a few minutes to rest in bed. Yeah right! When I made my way back into the kitchen to finish the final touches and get dinner ready, I was confronted by my upset husband. He told me that he had re-cleaned the house while I was resting. Which, I guess is why he was so angry with me. I thanked him, even though the twins and I spent the entire week deep cleaning everything. Go figure!

The Moment It Turned Bad

 The event that wrecked our Thanksgiving and potentially destroyed Christmas came after dinner. My husband was playing a game of “Risk” with my little nine-year son. I was sitting in our living room a few feet away, listening to my husband’s voice getting louder and angrier towards our nine-year-old boy. I knew better than to say anything, especially since for some inexplicable reason he was already angry with me. Then out of the blue, he screamed at the top of his lungs, slamming his hands down while yelling at my son. I jumped up, and carefully put my hands on my little guy’s shoulders and said calmly, “I think it is time for you two to separate.” I lead my now crying and shaking little boy out of the room. As I was walking away, I turned towards my husband and mouthed the words, “Wow.” I felt that his reaction towards our little nine-year-old son was completely uncalled for, and way over the top.

Why Words Hurt Children

 That is when my husband exploded. He jumped up and started throwing, kicking furniture while cussing and screaming at me. He started coming at me, and I was filled with so much fear I could hardly breathe. I moved my body between him and the twins while in my head I kept thinking, “Call 911, Call 911.” I told the twins to run to their rooms. It took a few seconds, which felt like minutes, to find the courage to tell him to leave. My body was shaking all over; I was terrified he was going to hurt me. On his way out he screamed at me and called me the most horrible names imaginable.

The kids and I didn’t even have three minutes to gather our thoughts together before he busted into the house and yelled out to our twins, “ Your mom and I are getting divorced, and I am not going to have Christmas at this house ever again.” He destroyed our Thanksgiving and their upcoming Christmas while crushing the twin’s spirit with his angry words. I was left with two small children collapsed on the living room floor sobbing in my arms after hearing what their dad had said. To this day my son still thinks the reason for our divorce was all his fault.

This week we talked about the issues with a spouse that has anger issues and takes them out on the wife and children. Next week we will be covering the tools needed to take control of your life and children’s life.

Do you need help dealing with your angry spouse? Does your spouse explode for no reason at all, and you need help in figuring out your next steps? Do you need help in making the right decision for you and your children? Are you worried for yours and your children’s safety? Have you found yourself too frightened to ask for help? Do you spend your days worried that your spouse may explode at any moment?  If you answered yes to any of these questions, call 303-880-9878 for more information.

Candaise Young is a certified Life Coach who can help you deal with any family issues with your children. She is a compassionate, good listener, who gets great results for you and your family. If you have any questions for Candaise, you can call Applicable Counseling and Coaching Services at 303-456-0555.

Are You Allowing Your Past to Poison Your Future (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Are You Allowing Your Past to Poison Your Future (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

We will continue our story this week “Are You Allowing Your Past to Poison Your Future”!

I had a client of mine who was a miserable person to be around. He just wouldn’t let go of all the hurts people caused him through out his life. It seemed like a game to him; he toyed with people emotionally. If they hurt him in the past, he would hold a grudge and bait people by acting nice to them. After they would feel a friendship was developing he would set them up with compliments, take them to lunch, etc. Then out of the blue, he would say very hurtful things and just dump the person, leaving that individual wondering “What just happened?” He was never really happy as he was stuck with the poison of his past and seemed to enjoy being mean spirited towards others. His past certainly poisoned his future with family and friends. Being bitter and angry never works for developing healthy or restoring relationships.

Long term health hazard, man in red rhombus symbol. Danger banner for factory. Vector illustration. Warning sign with exclamation point.

Don’t let the poison of your past control your future of today

Say No to bad relationships, say No to unhealthy situations in your past, say No to those who have hurt you, say No to people that are holding you back! Say Yes to taking control of your future, say Yes to restoring relationships, say Yes to a happier life controlled by you! Oh, Dr. Mike, you make this sound so simple. You don’t know the struggles I have with my past. My friends, we all face struggles each and every one of us. I know we all have our own share of problems, but do our past issues consume us to the point we can’t move forward on with our lives? Do we hold on so tightly to our past failures that we don’t want the world to see that we have failed at something and the embarrassment will hurt our reputation? So if we allow the poison of our past to influence us for the rest of our lives, what will we accomplish by doing that? I think that’s a good question to ponder. Many people don’t know how to let go and move on. They drag a whole lot of troubles with them not knowing what to do to free themselves of their past.They will go to counselors and share their burdens they carry, and that’s as far as they get. They go home and beat themselves up. Why? They can’t let go of their past failures, they don’t listen to sound advice and dwell on what happened in the past.

If you’ve ever been in a bad relationship, you know what I am talking about. We all look back and wonder what happened and why did we allow ourselves to be with such an unhealthy person? Do we stay there and beat ourselves up? For the most part of course not, we move forward and look for a better and healthy relationship to be in.

In closing always remember, don’t allow your past or the poison you live with cloud your future. It’s all up to you to be in control of your future and to make the best of things and enjoy life. You can do this, you really can. No excuses my friends.

Are you holding on to your past hurts and can’t experience joy in your life? Do you still hold on to memories and your future seems hopeless? Do you want to be free of your past so you can have a wonderful future? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call at 303.880.9878. He can help you with relationship problems.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Are You Allowing Your Past to Poison Your Future (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Are You Allowing Your past to poison your Future (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

We will continue our story this week “Are You Allowing Your Past to Poison Your Future”! Plus, I’ll give you some tips on how to prevent the of poisoning your future in today’s article.

I think I can honestly say we all have had things in our past poison our future, not to this degree of course but in other small ways. I also believe that we have to let go of the things that hold us back from enjoying who we are and our future with others. I know this was an extreme example, but you can see how his actions impacted his entire family. He missed his daughter’s wedding, probably will never know his grandchildren or son-in-law. This is a pretty sad story.

Young woman having autumn depression and crying

Don’t allow your past to poison your future

If you have some major setbacks in your life, it’s best to deal with them now and not sit on them thinking they will go away. They will not and hoping they will and not dealing with them will only poison your future with the people you love and care about. Let me ask you a simple question. What is the point to hold on to your anger and bitterness? What and where will it get you? Proving your point only makes you lose out on so much of your life, family, and events. If you think coming out a winner by allowing the poison of your past to cloud your future is a good thing, I’ve got news for you. It isn’t; it’s just the simple truth, and this should convince you, it’s a lose, lose situation for you.

My suggestions for you to start the healing you need, so you will not allow your past to poison your future is simple, it really is;

  • Whatever you feel is a poison to you, sit down and write it on paper. Then look it over and decide if this person or event is worth missing out on family and life in general.
  • Come clean, if you have caused some problems for others, go to them and make things right. Apologize and seek to repair the broken relationship.
  • Do not allow the past to poison your future, tell yourself that it’s ok to move on and let go.
  • You control what you keep inside your brain, don’t allow the past to dictate your future.
  • Avoid negative thinking, keep busy with improving yourself, help others, read good books, do healthy things for yourself.
  • Avoid people, places and things that poisoned your past.
  • It’s ok to say NO to people who have influenced and introduced you to the poison of your past. Avoid, avoid, and avoid!

We will continue our story next week “Are You Allowing Your Past to Poison Your Future.

Are you holding on to your past hurts and can’t experience joy in your life? Do you still hold on to memories and your future seems hopeless? Do you want to be free of your past so you can have a wonderful future? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call at 303.880.9878. He can help you with relationship problems.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Are You Allowing Your Past to Poison Your Future (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Are You Allowing Your past to poison your Future (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Quick question, how many of us are still stuck in the past with the wrongs people have done to us? Let’s face it; we all know people in our lives who just won’t let go of things done to them or problems they have brought on by themselves. I think it’s extremely important that we look at why focusing on past failures, mistakes, unmet expectations can cloud our future.

Closeup portrait headshot senior man hard of hearing asking someone to speak up can't hear isolated gray wall background.

Dad was angry his daughters decided to plan their own futures.

I knew a man who just wouldn’t let go of his anger about the way his three daughters turned out. He had their education planned out, where they would go to college, how high their GPA’s should be. He controlled every aspect of their lives. He was very controlling about the people they dated. His wife had no say in his planning for the kid’s futures. He expected them to work in his engineering firm when they graduated from college. As we know, kids do their things, choose their own friends and the people they date. They also have a good idea on what they want to do for work and what school they want to attend.

As his daughters went through high school the battles began, fights occurred over several issues about their education, who they dated and their lifestyles. The dad felt he was losing control over his kids. Let’s just say the kids won out. He was insisting that they pay for their own education and living expenses. He checked out of their lives and became a recluse in his own home. When the girls came home on weekends, he had nothing to do with them. He avoided seeing them or speaking with them. He was always busy when the kids wanted to talk with him, and his wife confronted him about his behavior. This lead to big arguments with his wife and eventually a divorce that he didn’t want. But his pride got in the way, and he still wouldn’t budge.

When his oldest daughter got married, she wanted her dad to walk her down the isle, and he refused to attend her wedding. How bullheaded was this action towards his daughter? Most of us would agree that he took this to an extreme and lost out his daughter’s wedding. I look at it this way; he allowed his past to poison his future with his girls, wife, and God knows who else.

We will continue our story next week “Are You Allowing Your Past to Poison Your Future”! Plus, I’ll give you some tips on how to prevent the of poisoning your future.

Are you holding on to your past hurts and can’t experience joy in your life? Do you still hold on to memories and your future seems hopeless? Do you want to be free of your past so you can have a wonderful future? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call at 303.880.9878. He can help you with relationship problems.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

I’m No Quitter, By Dr. Michael Brooks

I’m no Quitter, By Dr. Michael Brooks

I’ve run into a lot of people who just don’t have the stomach to keep trying working on their relationship. It’s status quo, and that’s fine by them. They cause needless suffering because of the self-pity they put themselves through about their relationship. Several years ago, I worked with a couple who just didn’t get along. They constantly blamed each other for the problems they were experiencing. Neither one could admit to any problems they caused it was always the other person’s fault. He said, she said..oh, it was hard for this couple to understand that they had poor communication skills.

Unhappy couple after fight not talking to each other

I’m No Quitter are you?

Then I asked a simple question, “which one of you wants to quit on your marriage?” The look on their faces was priceless. The husband said, “What are you talking about, we came here for you to help us, not ask us to quit on our marriage,” I responded by saying, I simply asked both of you a question that would help clarify where they were at in your marriage. The man started by saying, “I love my wife, and she is the best thing that ever happened to me.” She looked at him shocked, to be hearing those words coming from her husband. She stood up and walked over to him and looked at him, then at me. I’ve been waiting to hear those very words for over 15 years, why now?

She started to cry, and he walked over to her and held her. “Dr. Mike, we want a healthy marriage, we fight all the time, but I know we both want this marriage to work and are willing to do whatever it takes. Please help us.” His wife looked up at me and nodded in agreement. So let me get this straight, you both are not quitters and want to do whatever it takes to make this marriage work? Both nodded yes.

My friends this is the first step in saving any marriage from the ravages of divorce. Admit that you have problems and are willing to take the steps needed necessary in saving your relationship. I see quitters all the time, and these people are the ones who will make excuses and refuse to change. Here are some of the excuses that I hear from those who I consider are quitters.

  • I can’t change, this is the way I’ve been all my life
  • She married me this way; she knew what he/she was getting
  • I have too much going on in my life; it’s not that easy
  • Why now, has she been watching Dr. Phil and saw it on TV
  • Leave well enough alone; we don’t need to do this
  • Listen, it’s been just fine, and I’m OK with the things the way they are
  • If you bring this up one more time, I’m done with the marriage; it’s over

If you really want to salvage your marriage or any relationship for that matter, identify the issues and sit down and talk about them. This isn’t rocket science; it’s a “Matter of the Heart.” Talk about the entire relationship, not just the bad things, but talk about the good things in your relationship. Mix it up, after a heavy dose of reality talk about the good things, the fun things you do for each other and enjoy each others company. Believe me that goes a long way in a hurting relationship. Encourage and lift each other up. That’s my tip for this week.

Do you feel like quitting on your marriage? Are you tired of being the only one trying to save your relationship and need to know what your next steps should be? Do you need help in working on your relationship, so you don’t quit? If you answered yes to any of these questions set up an appointment with Dr. Mike and get the help you need. Call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

 

Why Do Women Cheat on Men? (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Why Do Women Cheat on Men? (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

So, what is the cure for unmet expectations or wandering eyes? What should the husband do to keep his wife happy at home? Is there a common sense fix here to help restore a damaged relationship due to an affair. Absolutely.

If a woman is considering having an affair, she should evaluate the consequences of having an affair. What will it do to her children? What will it do to her family? What will it do to her husband? What will it do for her moral compass? One study had shared some interesting facts about affairs, did you know that 50 to 60 percent of women admit that they have had an affair. Men are at 70 percent about admitting to having an affair. About 17 percent of divorces are due to affairs; I think that’s rather low considering the pain inflicted due to an affair.
Fotolia_11078302_XS[1]

Some additional numbers for you to mull over are; In a 1991 study, sex researcher Shere Hite found that 70 percent of married women have cheated on their partners; a 1993 follow-up study found that 72 percent of married men have as well. According to a 2004 University of Chicago study, 25 percent of married men have had at least one extramarital affair.

There are all kinds of questions that she should be asking herself. I worked with a client who knew his wife was cheating on him. He had the evidence on email and texts. Initially, he was crushed and then decided to confront her. When he did confront her, she gave him an earful. She shared her reasons for cheating on him, and it matches with most of the FaceBook responses above. These were her reasons.

  • Not attentive to her needs.
  • Only paid attention to her when he wanted
  • Stayed at work too long, never called when he was going to be late in getting home.
  • Didn’t help with kids, school projects, getting ready for bed, spending time with kids.
  • Didn’t show appreciation for the things she did for him.
  • Didn’t make her a priority in the relationship.
  • Put his friends above her needs

She was pretty blunt in letting her feelings be known. She didn’t want to have the affair, what she wanted was her husband to take notice that she had needs as well. The affair was, as she stated, was to get her husband’s attention! It certainly did, and she moved on with her life. She said that he would never change. She was right; he accused her of cheating on him, but took no responsibility for his actions and his neglecting her needs.

I think we have seen a pattern in why women cheat, does it make it right, no not at all. I would suggest that women who feel that their spouses are not listening to them need to let them know in no uncertain terms that their needs are not being met in the emotional, and physical areas of the relationship. Be very detailed and have a plan as you share what your needs are. Sometimes, we men are not the greatest listeners and need to be reminded at times.

So you might ask yourself this question, what do I do if I’m a part of the cheating statistics? You’re not alone I’m sad to say. Both men and women are hurt by affairs. If you’re the cheater or the one cheated on there is help for you. You don’t have to struggle alone. If you know that you’re still in love with your spouse, and you want to work through this issue of infidelity and save your marriage, you can contact Dr. Mike and work on a plan to help restore your relationship. Forgiveness is key to move forward and make your marriage work. There needs to be trust reestablished and honest communication to heal a marriage. If you want to save your marriage contact, Dr. Mike, now!

Women, have you cheated on your spouse and you need to talk to someone who can help you sort out the reasons you cheated? Do you want help in preventing future affairs? Are you ready to move on and want to know how to forgive yourself and put your affair behind you? If you answered yes to any of these questions set up an appointment with Dr. Mike and get the help you need. Call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Why Do Woman Cheat on Men? (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Why Do Women Cheat on Men? (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Do you see the common link here with the Facebook responses from last week’s article? Neglect and unmet expectations were high on the list of reasons women cheated? Relationships live and die on the vine if there are misunderstandings and unmet expectations in the relationship. I didn’t share all the responses, but many were not out of the norm. Men, you better take note on why women cheat.

  • “I think that perhaps they are trying to fill a void that their husbands have neglected…. not just talking about sex, a much deeper emotional need…..people get complacent in relationships and don’t continue to nurture each other as they did before……”
  • “Being taken for granted. Lack of appreciation and significance. This is what I’ve heard most frequently.”

You don’t have to be married to have someone cheat on you. It can be your boyfriend, girlfriend as well. I know it causes broken hearts that may last a lifetime. It takes a toll on your emotional, and physical health and even spiritual health for some. Cheating isn’t a new concept or an idea over the past 500 years. This has been a problem since ancient of days.

Happy couple sitting in auditorium of 3D movie, eating popcorn.

Cheating spouses are lacking something infipreventing future affairs,  in their marriages.

Looking back at the man who called me and after several minutes of speaking with this man, I think he said it best when he made a bold statement. “I am probably the reason she had wandering eyes. I wasn’t there for her when she needed me.” I think he was spot on with this statement. We want to be a good provider for our spouse; (men and women) it’s in our DNA for the most part. Yes, we have some bad apples that make marriage hard and difficult at times.

So you might ask yourself this question, what do I do if I’m a part of the cheating statistics? You’re not alone I’m sad to say. Both men and women are hurt by affairs. If you’re the cheater or the one cheated on there is help for you. You don’t have to struggle alone. If you know that you’re still in love with your spouse, and you want to work through this issue of infidelity and save your marriage, you can contact Dr. Mike and work on a plan to help restore your relationship. Forgiveness is key to move forward and make your marriage work. There needs to be trust reestablished and honest communication to heal a marriage. If you want to save your marriage contact, Dr. Mike, now!

Women, have you cheated on your spouse and you need to talk to someone who can help you sort out the reasons you cheated? Do you want help in preventing future affairs? Are you ready to move on and want to know how to forgive yourself and put your affair behind you? If you answered yes to any of these questions set up an appointment with Dr. Mike and get the help you need. Call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!