Tis the Season of Divorce! By Dr. Michael Brooks

It’s hard to believe it’s that time of year, the holidays are fast approaching, and with it, the rise in divorces. There is a reason for the rise in the number of divorces during the winter holidays. Can you guess what those are?

One major reason is that couples will fight over money on what to spend and where the family will spend the holidays. In-laws come in all shapes and sizes when it has to do with their attitudes and opinions toward your spouse. Some in-laws will embrace your spouse and think they are the greatest son-in-law or daughter-in-law since sliced bread. Then some in-laws, on the other hand, will think that your spouse is a direct descendant of the devil himself. Your spouse can’t do anything right no matter how hard they try. Many in-laws will try to talk their son or daughter into divorcing the son or daughter-in-law just because they don’t like them. Believe me; this happens more often than you can imagine. Money seems to be a problem around the holidays, especially Christmas. When one parent starts to buy outside the budget and does not inform the other parent, problems will start to happen. Arguments will happen, and the well-meaning mom or dad will wish they had consulted with the other parent before their spending spree.

I’m sure we all want to make our kid’s Christmas fun and create some memories that will last a lifetime. I had a client whose wife would buy her husband and two kids presents. The day after Christmas, she would take most of the presents back to the store where she bought them and get her money back. She couldn’t afford the gifts, yet the emotional damage she caused the husband and kids was a lasting pain they will never forget.

To prevent any arguments, I suggest that you have a budget meeting with your spouse on what you plan to spend and do this together. If you live within your means, there will be less arguing between you and your spouse. Here’s a question that you both need to go over, are the gifts necessary, like clothes, shoes, and school items? What do you want to spend on fun things, toys, games, bikes, etc.? Stay within your budget.

I know that teenagers can be very difficult to buy for during Christmas, but you still have to plan for it. Maybe you want to get gift cards for clothes, Amazon, or electronics. Having some simple idea’s on your spending options will prevent problems down the road. If you’re on a tight budget, then I suggest that spending quality time with your kids can be lots of fun. Have a game night, make popcorn and play the games your kids like and enjoy. Go to the movies together, and spend time talking about their favorite parts and why. The more time you spend being with the kids, the less time they will dwell on what they didn’t get from you. Most kids understand the lack of funds and why no gifts are under the tree. Have activities that are geared towards the kids, like making Christmas cookies together, bless others with the cookies that you make, and have the kids be a part of delivering them. The joy they will bring to others is amazing.

Next week I will be writing about the way you communicate with your spouse and family members. An important topic during the holidays.

Do you dread the holidays, the family fights, the arguments? Are you considering a divorce because the in-laws are making your life miserable? Do you need to be able to express that you don’t want to go to your in-laws and want the peace of staying home? Does your communication with your spouse and children need help? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you can contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow loneliness to control the new experiences that you can enjoy today.

Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times of loneliness.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Zoom with Dr. Mike, send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Avoid the Wrong Kind of People (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

In the course of our lives, I’m sure we have come across people that were not good or healthy for us. Some of these people would ultimately get us into trouble and cause pain for those around us. Possibly some people may have changed the course of our lives, and we still to this day, regret getting involved with them. Are there people who you avoid today? Remember that the wrong people will tend to drag us down with them. I have seen over the years many people follow the wrong crowd and have paid dearly with their marriages, their health, their integrity, and their families. For what reason but their pleasures?
The pain of divorce continues until you get help!

The pain from an unhealthy relationship isn’t worth the headaches it will cause you!

I had a friend of mine back in the fourth grade named Pete. This kid was a troublemaker, and I knew it. I was a shy kid who didn’t have many friends; we had just moved to the states from Germany. Pete was a bully, and kids were afraid of him. I saw Pete as someone who didn’t have a lot of friends as well. He often picked fights to show our classmates he ruled our fourth-grade class. One day he walked up to a physically challenged boy in our class and hit him for no reason at all, and started making fun of his disability. I knew right then, and there I wanted to have nothing to do with Pete. I avoided him whenever I could. One day Pete decided to start hitting me because I avoided him. Being a shy kid, he eventually stopped hitting me because I wouldn’t fight back. Even at that early age, I knew Pete was someone I should never hang around with; he was the wrong kind of person. Funny how I knew that as a kid.

Are there specific people you need to break off friendships with or avoid certain situations that could cause you to compromise your morals, ethics, or integrity? If you have a gut feeling about someone who isn’t good to have a friendship with, don’t! If you are listening to someone who wants you to compromise your integrity and wants you to be a part of it, run from that person as fast as you can!

I had a client many years ago who felt he needed to spice up his marital relations with his wife. So he, without asking her, subscribed to an adult channel so they both could watch it and get some ideas for their bedroom. She was appalled and forbid him to watch pornography in her presence. He thought his actions were innocent and let her know that she was a prude. His supposedly watching porn to help them in the bedroom became an addiction. He is now addicted to pornography, and both are divorced. She couldn’t deal with his addiction and felt emotionally cheated on. He kept telling her it was harmless and that she needed counseling. Pornography is one of the leading causes of divorce. Next week we will be covering dealing with gossip in your life.

Are you afraid to confront the wrong kind of people in your life? Are you involved in the wrong kind of relationship and need help getting out of it? Do you have friends who are involved with drugs and alcohol and want you to join them, and you can’t say NO? Would you like a plan that can help you eliminate the wrong kind of people in your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Zoom. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of the Denver metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services
Cell: 303.880.9878

Why Is Confession Good For The Soul?

By Dr. Michael Brooks

Ok! Right off the bat, I’m telling you this article isn’t about going to a priest and confessing all of your faults and sins and your whole life story. This is about getting things right with someone you have offended or wounded. It might be a family member, a friend, or someone at work you need to apologize to. A lot of resentment, anger, rage, misunderstandings, hurt, and sadness could be avoided by you if we are willing to right our wrongs against those we have hurt.

Confession is good for the soul.

Definition of confession: confess [k?n?f?s] vb(when tr, may take a clause as object)

1. (when intr, often foll by to) to make an acknowledgment or admission (of faults, misdeeds, crimes, etc.)

2. (tr) to admit or grant to be true; concede

I remember a few years back when a woman and her husband were in my office for marital counseling. The woman was confessing that she had an affair with a co-worker. It was very difficult for her to share it and even more difficult for her husband to hear. The affair was eating her alive. Her insides were so on fire that she was taking medication for an ulcer from the guilt she was carrying. She shared the secrets of her affair with her friends, who encouraged her to continue it. Yet, she knew it was the wrong thing to do. The haunting visions of her family breaking up because of her actions and the pain her children would go through were too much for her to bear. That’s when she called me. I told her that if she felt that she needed to confess the affair to her husband, then she should follow through with her feelings. I also advised her that there was no guarantee her husband would want to continue the marriage. She knew her confession would rid the guilt she was carrying with her 24/7.

Do you want to be free from years of guilt? Do you want to fix relationships that have been damaged by your actions, and you need to confess a wrong you have committed? Many people have a severed conscious and don’t care about fixing broken relationships. You don’t want to fall into that trap.

I often hear stories about someone who has passed on and a family member wishing they could have said “I’m sorry” for something that happened between them. I can remember a friend of mine who had a great deal of animosity and hard feelings toward his father. One night he received a call about his dad being killed in a car accident on an icy road. That’s when the guilt overwhelmed him as he lay in bed and wept. He was planning to ask his dad to forgive him for his anger toward him. He just didn’t know how to, and now it was too late. Sometimes we never get that chance to cleanse our hearts by confessing our faults to each other. So the million-dollar question is…why is confession good for the soul?

I’d say most people are good to each other and treat each other with dignity and respect. We all want people to think we are good on the inside and care about others. For most of us, we want to go to bed with a clean conscious that we purposely don’t want to hurt anybody. When you have done something to someone by accident (a remark or action), and it hurt them, we generally want to fix the pain we have caused them. We each have our ways of doing that (apologizing, trying to make things right). For many of us in this age of texting and e-mails, people will ask someone to forgive us and confess a fault through electronic means. I suppose that works for some folks, but a true face-to-face meeting is what is needed. It can be scary at times yet fulfilling if done with a true heart of resolving issues.

What if you’re on the receiving end of someone that comes to you to confess an issue they have had with you? How would you deal with it? I can remember when an acquaintance asked if he could talk with me about something. I met him for lunch, and as we sat and talked, he said he wanted to confess that he had been angry with me for something because I ignored him in a business meeting and didn’t respond to a question he had asked. He had held a grudge ever since. He said it had bothered him for several months, and he wanted to get things right between us. I didn’t know that I had done this to this man and asked him for forgiveness. We talked over what had happened and agreed it was a wonderful feeling to let the grudge go. So, you can see, confession is good for the soul!

Do you have someone that you need to go talk to and confess an issue with them? Do you need to let go of something that causes you anger? Are you confused about some of the hard feelings that you’ve been carrying for some time? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give me a call at 303.880.9878.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Zoom. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Cell Phones and the Death of Relationships By Dr. Michael Brooks

I went to a fast food restaurant and was having lunch with a friend of mine last week, when suddenly several junior high kids rushed in and sat at the vacant tables surrounding my friend and I. The kids took out their cell phones from their backpacks and began to text each other in the restaurant. They were showing each other some of the pictures they had on their cell phones. The older boys went off to the side, looking at some questionable material on their phones. I could tell by the way some of the boys had their hands cupped over their mouths while looking at the one boy’s cell phone while others were laughing and saying play it over again. The girls were in their group looking and sharing what they had on their phones. They were giggling and laughing while looking at their friend’s phones. I began to think, so much for sit down lunches and making new friends.

Internet and social networks replace live communication with family and friends.

Can you believe that this seems to be a hot topic in today’s culture and around the world today? If you think about it, parents use electronics for babysitting their kids; teens use them to connect with other teens, and adults use them to kill time while waiting for work, waiting for the kids, or just to humor themselves.

Let’s look at the pre-era of cell phones, electronics, and family connections. I can remember when we sat around the dinner table and actually talked to each other. My parents would have classical music playing in the background (to give us culture, my mom would say) as we ate. I wasn’t crazy about that kind of music, but at least it was something to listen to. The four of us kids would share around the dinner table with our parents what our day was like at school, the kids we played with, and things we wanted to do on the weekends. I have fond memories of many of those talks. My dad and mom would show interest in our daily lives. They’d help us with our homework; they’d sit and listen to us about the concerns we had. I know it was a different time, but I see the disconnect between parents and children, teachers and students, and even kids to kids in today’s family and society. I often wonder what’s going to happen to the families that allow electronics to control most of the communication within the family?

I have talked to Baby Boomers who feel that the 1950’s and 1960’s were the start of the decline of the family and the rise of the electronic revolution. For many of us, TV dinners were the rage. You watched TV together on TV trays; nobody talked to each other, and all eyes were glued to the TV. It was a convenience for mom to put the frozen TV dinners into the oven for everyone and not prepare full-blown meals. We were captivated by Ed Sullivan, Mister Ed, I love Lucy, and Howdy Doody. What used to be on early television in the 1940’s was news and other broadcasts. Then popular radio shows transitioned into television shows in the 1950’s. Then in the mid-1950’s is when some families started watching TV for the first time. In the 1960’s is when most American families had television sets in their homes. This is a short history lesson on the advancement of electronics and the decline of the family.

Today most people have a cell phone or I-pad that has replaced the TV, and it’s carried around in backpacks, on your person, in the classroom, at the dinner table, and at the workplace.

Next week, I will continue on with how electronics are being abused in the family, at school, and with friends.

Do you feel frustrated about your family’s use of electronics? Have you given up trying to get the kids off their cell phones? Do you want to save your family from electronics but don’t know what your next steps are? Do you want to improve your communication with your family at the dinner table and need help in putting boundaries on all electronics? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow hopelessness to destroy your relationship. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Zoom (if you want to Zoom with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado.

No one’s going to respect you till you respect yourself

By Dr. Michael Brooks

I asked my client at one of our meetings..”Do you respect yourself?” He responded by saying ya, I do. I am a fun loving guy who is good-looking and has a nice job. I have a lot to offer any woman I date. She’s getting a great deal when she dates me. “So, yes, I respect myself.”

It was several weeks before I heard from him, then out of the blue, I got a call, and he was crying over the phone and really upset. He stopped by and shared that he was in love with a wonderful woman and she broke up with him! He said that she was everything he wanted in a potential marriage partner. She was caring, compassionate, understanding, loving, kind, and fun to be with. They did all kinds of things together, concerts, hiking, dances, and eating out. They had great talks and were madly in love. So I asked him what happened.

Well, he said. When I first met her, she had a great figure (a former NFL cheerleader). As we dated, I noticed that she was putting some weight on, and I mentioned to her that she should start exercising to lose weight. I like my women just the right size, he told her. She stood up, looked at him, and said, “really,” and walked right out of his life right then and there. He was shocked and thought that they had a great relationship, so why would she want to end it? He cried as he shared this story. He wanted her back and didn’t know what to do.

Then a light bulb went on after we had met several times. He now realized how he mistreated all the women he dated. He said to me, “how can I show respect to anyone when I have no respect for myself?”

He hit rock bottom really fast. As he talked, he opened up about the deep hurts he had in his life. He was a macho man on the outside but deeply wounded on the inside. He wanted people to think he was in full control when he actually wasn’t. People thought he had it together when they were around him, but internally he was mush.

He wanted so bad to get back together with this woman, he wept as he sat in my office during each visit. He was crushed and started to see how much of his behavior had caused this break-up. I asked him what did he do when she broke off their relationship. I reacted in a harsh way! I sent her texts and e-mails scolding her and chastising her. I attacked her, her family, and her work. I was awful in my treatment of her. Then I would text her and tell her how much I loved her and wanted her back. She must have thought I was a nut case.

When your true actions reveal the real intent of who you are, you’re headed in for some real hard times. If you are knowingly doing things out of disrespect, then stop now and get help before you do too much damage. Next week we will continue this story and what my client needed to do to get help for his disrespecting others.

Do you have a hard time respecting others at home, at work, or with your friends? Do you feel disrespected at home by your spouse or children? Do you feel disrespected at work and want help in stopping it? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give dr Mike a call today he can help you!

What’s The One Regret That You Have? (1)

By Dr. Michael Brooks

I’m sure many of us live with regrets from the past, maybe from your childhood, teens, or even as an adult. I can look back on several regrets throughout my lifetime. I could have been a better son, father, friend, or relative. Some of the choices that I’ve made, and there are many, I would put in the category of big-time regrets.

How many can you look back in your life and know you didn’t do the right thing? Maybe you forgot a promise you made or intentionally told someone that you would help them and had no intentions of doing so. My point in this article is not to make you feel bad but to deal with your regrets that you can’t let go of. I have had many clients who live in the past and can’t let go.

I had one woman client who neglected her mother when she was extremely ill; she lived her life for her family while her mother struggled with her health. The mother would call and ask her daughter if she could help get groceries and prescriptions filled. The mother would leave voice mails asking for her daughters’ help. Then one day, the calls stopped, and she heard nothing from her mother for days. Out of curiosity, she stopped by her mother’s small apartment and went in to check on her mother. She was shocked to see that the apartment complex maintenance men were cleaning out her mother’s apartment. She asked the cleaning crew what was going on.

The daughter said that one of the cleaning guys said that an old woman that lived there had died. She was stunned and started to cry. As she walked away, the cleaning guy asked her, did you know the old lady that lived there? She continued to walk away.

When we met, she was so racked with guilt and what she had done to her mother. Could this regret have been prevented? Of course, it could have. She said that her mom was a great parent, but her husband didn’t like her mom. So, she decided to cut off seeing her mom because of her husband’s dislike of her mom. My client hated herself, and eventually, she got divorced. She continually struggles with this giant of regret.

Next week we will continue this article about the regrets we face every day and how to deal with them.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Zoom. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of the Denver metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services
Web: www.applicablecoaching.com
Cell: 303.880.9878

Did you know that most attorneys are not trained to act as Counselors or Divorce Coaches and cannot provide the proper emotional support that their clients need? As a result, the attorney and client spend hours discussing the emotional aspects of divorce and the client ends up paying a large bill and receives little more than a shoulder to cry on. Attorneys want to help you with the legal aspects of your divorce, not to be your Divorce coach or counselor. That’s not their job!

Many of my clients come to me with little or no energy left to accomplish what they want out of life (life’s battles). They say that there always seems to be a mountain to climb (major problem), and for others, a wall (major disaster) to run into. Does this sound familiar?

Divorce Coaching offers structure and holds clients responsible for assuming a proactive role. A Coach may recommend material for clients to read, work on, or refer to for future use. Clients can benefit by working with a Coach in setting realistic expectations for the process and receiving education about the options available for divorce. Being informed and prepared helps clients make important decisions with confidence. Guiding clients in clarifying their thoughts, needs, and concerns, in order to communicate more effectively, is another important function of the Coach. Clear, purposeful, and rational communication helps to ease tension and foster understanding between spouses, as well as parents and children.

Much like any crisis or trauma, the early emotions of a pending divorce include shock, disbelief, denial, anger, and the pain associated with the loss. Once the early emotions have been experienced, there is a need for people going through a divorce to make sure they continue to take the necessary steps in moving toward recovery. As with any significant loss that involves a meaningful relationship, divorce can lead someone to a place of anger, bitterness, and lonely despair. Dr. Mike will walk you through the critical role of forgiveness in divorce recovery. Especially when it comes to wrestling with issues, like trying to prove who’s right or wanting to get even.

In addition, many divorcing couples wind up in the traditional litigation route because they are reacting to fear, anger, and a desire for getting even and are not thinking about what will happen once the divorce battle has ended.

After the grief process has run its course, divorced men and women must begin to consider their next steps in getting back to a healthy level of functioning. While this may not necessarily mean starting a new romance there is a need to take stock and evaluate relationships with family members and friends.

Part of building a new life is the acceptance of having been divorced. There are key issues in starting over, these include the need to avoid a victim mindset, having a balanced life and building self-esteem, and considering the future in terms of family, jobs, and finances.

After the grief process has run its course, divorced men and women must begin to consider their next steps in getting back to a healthy level of functioning. While this may not necessarily mean starting a new romance there is a need to take stock and evaluate relationships with family members and friends.

Did you know that…
Americans divorce more than any country in the history of the world.
The divorce rate has increased in the U.S. every decade since 1890.

Dynamics of Divorce Coaching:
Delayed and later-life marriages are the norm for society today.
Divorce is often a lengthy process that can last for years.
The person who often seeks divorce coaching is the one who did not initiate the divorce proceedings.
Divorce coaches help repair and rebuild a life.
How the biological parents dealt with divorce literally determined the future of their sons and daughters.

What Divorce Coaching will do for you:
Help you manage the early emotions.
Move you towards acceptance.
Process the grief and loss.
Understand the grief cycle.
Do’s and don’t’s in your divorce.
Forgiveness and letting go.
Building a new life.
The Five Keys to starting over.
Barriers to new relationships.
Finding new relationships.
Now what? Living in a blended family.

Are you in the process of Divorce? Do you have a relationship that isn’t working, or that you want to improve and work on? Is your marriage in trouble, and is there still hope of reconciliation? Or do you need to end an unhealthy relationship? If you answered yes to any of these, I can help you as a Divorce Coach. You can call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878 if you have any questions.